jokes bad or otherwise.

[Big Unc]

Fire Emergency Evacuation Procedures

 

[Garrett]

Fire Emergency Evacuation Procedures

Huh? Sorry Unc, I think I missed something there...

 

[Big Unc]

Fire Emergency Evacuation Procedures

Huh? Sorry Unc, I think I missed something there...

Nay lad. It was my faux pas posting something on the wrong thread. Intended as an answer on the Quiz. Hit "Reply" above intended thread when should have hit "Reply" below (or vice versa). I don't do jokes intended or otherwise.

 

[George]

"Excuse me, aren't you the fella who's always getting mistaken for
someone else?"
"No."

 

[George]

A man said to his son, "You're adopted!"
"Oh my god!" He replied with a tear in his eye, "all these years I
thought you were my real parents."
"Yeah, we are your real parents, but we've had enough of you and your
new ones will be here soon."

 

[George]

A farmer is moaning about not being able to tell his two horses apart.
His mate tells him to cut one of their tails off. The farmer does
this but the other horse gets it's tail caught on barbed wire and
pulls it off.The farmer tries putting a nick in one horse's ear but
the other horse snags its ear on barbed wire and gets a nick.So the
farmer tries measuring the two horses. He goes to his mate and says
"I've got it sorted this time....the black one is 3 inches taller
than the white one".

 

[George]

It is my opinion that every whale that gets beached is just trying its best to evolve.

 

[George]

A policeman came to my mates door and said "It looks like your wife's
been in an accident".
He replied "Yeah I know, but she's got a lovely personality."

 

[George]

What is the purpose of reindeer? It makes the grass grow, dear.

 

[George]

Not only am I not drunk, but this tape doesn't taste anything like
Scotch.

 

[George]

Which is worse? Ignorance or Apathy?
I don't know and I don't care

 

[George]

"I was cooking the other day when I got herbs in my eye, Now I'm parsley
sighted".

 

[George]

I quit my job at the helium gas factory...I refuse to be spoken to
in that tone.

 

[George]

I lost part of my foot in an accident,
I'm still not fully healed.

 

[George]

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day, but give him a fishing
rod and he'll starve.

 

[George]

If the Titanic had a "Men and children first" policy instead of "Women
and children first", then S.O.S would've stood for : Sail On - Sorted!

 

[George]

A man said to his wife "Do you fancy going out for something to eat,
my treat?"
She said, "Yeah, that would be nice".
He said, "Great, here's the money, get me a kebab and get yourself
whatever you want".

 

[George]

A policeman and his dog approached a man and said
"My dog says you have drugs?"
The man said "Bugger off,you're the one with the talking dog!"

 

[George]

I wonder who'd be better at playing Hamlet. A fat actor or a skinny
actor?
Tubby or not tubby?

 

[George]

"Doctor, my family and friends say that I'm obsessed."
"Why is that?"
"I just love pancakes."
"What's wrong with that? I love pancakes as well..."
"You need to visit me one day! I've got a full wardrobe!"