jokes bad or otherwise.

The worst pub I've ever been to was called The Fiddle.
It really was a vile inn.
 
I was in town today and heard a mother yell at her daughter "If you
don't stop crying, I'll give you something to cry about when we get
home."
So I shouted "Make her watch Bambi."
 
A fella stole a prosthetic limb from a surgery,
He was arrested for Arm Robbery.
 
I am on a whiskey diet, I have lost three days already (Tommy Cooper)
 
I hope that when I die, Charlie Sheen's life flashes before my eyes.
 
Saw a bloke today lift a car up with his backside.
What a jackass.
 
I once had a dream I was drowning in an ocean of orangeade luckily
for me it was only a fanta-sea
 
93% of people deserve to have their nipples clamped.
According to sadistics.
 
A woman in a sun dress goes into a pub
She lifts her arm, revealing a hairy armpit and says, 'What man here
will buy a lady a drink?' At the end of the bar, an old drunk shouted
'Give the ballerina a drink!'
The woman drank it. Then she did the same again and once again, the
same little drunk shouted 'Give the ballerina another drink!'
The barman turned to the drunk and said 'Why do you keep calling her
a ballerina?' The drunk replied, 'Any woman who can lift her leg that
high has got to be a ballerina!'
 
I had twelve vodka jellies last night. I wasn't drunk, but I did feel
a bit wobbly...
 
I believe God gave us toes to help us find furniture in the dark.
 
I have to take a curry to my G.P. next week because he wants to check
my tikka.
 
Down Periscope, Crimson Tide, K-19, The Hunt For Red October, U-571
I hate films with sub-titles.
 
How many immature teenagers does it take to change a lightbulb?
Your mum.
 
The headteacher called Johnny into his office. He said "I've just
had a brick thrown through my window, are you responsible".
"No" replied Johnny "I'm irresponsible that's why I threw it".
 
Just did 30 minutes on a new machine at the gym, feel a bit sick now, but it's good, it's got Mars Bars ,Kit Kats, Yorkies and everything.
 
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