Hi,

[Peripheral]

Good day everybody, I hope this mail finds you all well. It's been a bit quiet this last few days but the news about Peter Sallis having a new head stone from Pearl was good to hear. ERR, don't get me wrong, I don't mean that the headstone was from Pearl, I mean that the news was from Pearl. Oh dear, I'm already making a hollyhocks of this message.
About the headstone, I tried to enhance it so that the inscription could be clearly read but I couldn't do it. I thought it would be very amusing if the last line read, 'NOT NOW HOWARD'. Does anyone else have any ideas for an epitaph? I wonder if Compo and Clegg do a spot of haunting in the dead of night.
Right, the next bit of exciting news is that today I am having a fresh paint job done on my right big toe nail. Because of my problems I don't wear anything on my feet. We have a reclining settee so I often nod off in a prone position with my toes in full view. That can be a bit depressing, waking up after a nap and seeing two rows of toes doing piano impressions. PIANO IMPRESSIONS? Well think about it, two rows of white keys with the black notes in between. To cut a short story even longer, I painted a message on my toe nails to greet me when I wake up. On my left foot the message was SMILE. On the right foot it was GRUMPY. OH, did I tell you that I have six toes on my right foot? I bought the extra toe through E bay and had it transplanted onto my right foot by an out of work jelly mold welder. Unfortunately, I dropped a piece of lettuce leaf on my toe and a passing snail made a bee line for it. During the time it perched on my toe munching the lettuce, its slime rubbed off the letter G. Thus, I was left with the message on my toes, SMILE RUMPY. This led me to believe that I was in possession of an over-sized rear end. That is why I am having a sign-writer call today to do a professional job on my toes. I tried to catch that darned snail the other day but it was too fast me. Anybody got a wheelchair they don't want?

 

[captain clutterbuck]

Remember the Dads Army when Mainwaring wants to toughen up the feet of the troops by taking long route marches etc [the wonderful scene when Hodges tells Mainwaring to be careful and he subsequently falls into a deep sea water filled pool] . As part of the episode he wants to inspect the troops feet , they all lie on the floor and put their feet up on a bench . Joe Walker then draws funny faces on Pike and I think Fraser's feet .

Peri ,

Perhaps you could simply put "left" and "right" on the correct foot and it will save the embarrassment endured by Mrs Peri all those years ago at your company's Dinner Dance . Parking what happened with the first waltz Mrs P and you had, the incident with the Hokey Cokey is still talked about in certain circles today . It was so lucky that the Company Nurse had her medical box in the car and was able to treat all the people whose shins you kicked when you put your right foot in instead of the left.

 

[Adanor]

Toe nails are always a sore subject. It's hard to reach them to clip them so they look nice. And yes, they keep on advertising this little device that you can rest your foot upon and perform a lovely pedicure. HOWEVER, the girl who is demonstrating this is so limber that she can easily reach her toes -- with or without this device. But what if being limber is a mere memory? This device may or may not be useful.