How yer doin'?

Peripheral

Peripheral

Dedicated Member
Hi all, as usual this morning I woke up after 5. Sadly I only caught two of them. Just catching two tired m....... What was that you said missus? ...... Hoy Gertrude, I'm talking about flies not women. Yeah, the fly season has started again. Now, about the women..... The last time I had five women in my bedroom I thought that my number was up. ...... Listen missus, listen. Please give me chance to explain. It happened one night when I dreamt that Pearl was chasing me round a nudist camp with a large staple gun in her hand. Yes missus, I did say large. I have not always been as diminutive as I am these days. My diminutiveness is such that I am not capable of catching covid 19. I think that covid five and a half would be about all I could stretch to........ NOW WHAT HAVE I SAID? Captain Clutterbuck, Dick, would you two guys mind escorting that woman to the exit, she is putting her own thoughts to my little dissertation. Now where the heck was I? Can you all carry on painting your toe nails while I ??? ......... Hey Moggie, what shade of green is that? YUCK. Excuse me while I find out where I was up to. ............. AAH YES. Five women in my bedroom. Like I said, Pearl was chasing me with a staple gun. All she wanted to do was staple my wig to my head because it kept blowing off in the wind. Finally, back to my story about the five women. My nightmare had caused me to yell out for help and my wife, thinking that I was about to shake a seven, called the emergency services. THAT is why there were five women in my bedroom. One was my wife, one was a nurse, one was a doctor and the other two were twenty four hour call out undertakers.o_O
Do have a good day.
 
Peri I was contemplating a metalic fluorescent aquamarine but I thought that might be to gregarious with all those women about especially with open toed sandals. You know how catty they can get. As for the postiche an elastic band brought down over the head and under your chin would suffice.
 
Moggie Moo said:
an elastic band
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Many years back a friend and I decided to form an elastic band society the premise being a] We had a few drinks and that helped to make us think it was a good idea and b] We wanted to see who would fall for it . Working in IT we designed a simple membership form and card and printed them off to go with that was a few bags of elastic bands for the members . So we went along to our local armed with everything plus the key item for generating interest which was a brightly coloured elastic band looped over our ears [one per person either ear could be used] . It was the premise the Elastic Band Society was based on .

So we stood at the bar and waited , one by one the locals and fellow bar flies curious as to what was the significance of the band on the ear of course asked , within two hours pretty much the whole bar were members , strangers were coming in and after a few minutes were signing up as well .

As an exercise in creating herd adherence it could not have gone better . The best was yet to come as one of the locals went out for a cigarette and came back in a panic when questioned he was expecting to be turfed out because he'd lost the elastic band from his ear . Well whilst we did sympathise we explained that he would need to fill another form and would have to pay a charge towards the cost of a new band . Rather than not be part of the club he readily completed the form and purchased a new band .

As we were the last people out and pretty much had our fill of the laugh we knew the idea would generate we asked the landlord to put a notice up to say that the society was being discontinued owing to the Brewery having been contacted with a complaint from someone who had come to the Bar and was somewhat was disconcerted at seeing all these people with elastic bands on there ears and felt uncomfortable being buttonholed to join [of course that was a lie on our behalf simply to put a stop to it] . :)
 
captain clutterbuck said:
Many years back a friend and I decided to form an elastic band society the premise being a] We had a few drinks and that helped to make us think it was a good idea and b] We wanted to see who would fall for it . Working in IT we designed a simple membership form and card and printed them off to go with that was a few bags of elastic bands for the members . So we went along to our local armed with everything plus the key item for generating interest which was a brightly coloured elastic band looped over our ears [one per person either ear could be used] . It was the premise the Elastic Band Society was based on .

So we stood at the bar and waited , one by one the locals and fellow bar flies curious as to what was the significance of the band on the ear of course asked , within two hours pretty much the whole bar were members , strangers were coming in and after a few minutes were signing up as well .

As an exercise in creating herd adherence it could not have gone better . The best was yet to come as one of the locals went out for a cigarette and came back in a panic when questioned he was expecting to be turfed out because he'd lost the elastic band from his ear . Well whilst we did sympathise we explained that he would need to fill another form and would have to pay a charge towards the cost of a new band . Rather than not be part of the club he readily completed the form and purchased a new band .

As we were the last people out and pretty much had our fill of the laugh we knew the idea would generate we asked the landlord to put a notice up to say that the society was being discontinued owing to the Brewery having been contacted with a complaint from someone who had come to the Bar and was somewhat was disconcerted at seeing all these people with elastic bands on there ears and felt uncomfortable being buttonholed to join [of course that was a lie on our behalf simply to put a stop to it] . :)
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We put them on our legs to keep our socks up. :rolleyes: Or was it to keep our legs up?
 
A few days ago I was thinking about writing something about the scouts or cubs. The first thought into my head was the elastic band with a little flag on that they used to keep their socks up. It seemed that the posh kids who were in the scouts wore those bands for school also just to let you know. Some of us kids didn't have a complete sock let alone an elastic band. If we should fall upon some elastic from some knickers or other similar garments destined for the rag man, it was put to better use like building a catapult or some other miscreant design to have somebodies eye out. Elastic band seemed to be some sort of currency among our lot, I forget now what the exchange rate was against a Glass Alley.
 
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