jokes bad or otherwise.
- Thread starter George
- Start date
Waiting between Bishop Stortford and Harlow, to catch speeding drivers, a
Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 11MPH. Says he to himself: "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.
Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies, two in the
front seats and three in the back...wide eyed and white as ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, says to him "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"
"Ma'am," the officer replies, "you weren't speeding, but you should know
that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other
drivers." "Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit
exactly...eleven miles an hour!" ....the old woman says a bit proudly.
The Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that M11 is
the road number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grins and thanks the officer for pointing out her error.
"But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask...Is everyone in this car OK?
These women seem awfully shaken, and they haven't made a sound this whole
time," the officer asks. "Oh, they'll be all right in a minute officer. We've just come off the A120."
Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 11MPH. Says he to himself: "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.
Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies, two in the
front seats and three in the back...wide eyed and white as ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, says to him "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"
"Ma'am," the officer replies, "you weren't speeding, but you should know
that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other
drivers." "Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit
exactly...eleven miles an hour!" ....the old woman says a bit proudly.
The Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that M11 is
the road number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grins and thanks the officer for pointing out her error.
"But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask...Is everyone in this car OK?
These women seem awfully shaken, and they haven't made a sound this whole
time," the officer asks. "Oh, they'll be all right in a minute officer. We've just come off the A120."
:me:
barmpot
LOTSW Fanatic
A high-school geometry teacher started a lesson on triangles by reading a
theorem. "If an angle is an exterior angle of a triangle, then its measure
is greater than the measure of either of its corresponding remote interior
angles."
He noticed that one student wasn't taking notes and asked him why.
"Well," the student replied sincerely, "I was waiting for you to start
speaking English."
theorem. "If an angle is an exterior angle of a triangle, then its measure
is greater than the measure of either of its corresponding remote interior
angles."
He noticed that one student wasn't taking notes and asked him why.
"Well," the student replied sincerely, "I was waiting for you to start
speaking English."
:me:
dick
LOTSW Fanatic
A hypnotist was booked to appear at the local Old Peoples Centre.
He produced a gold watch on a chain and started to swing it gently to and fro.
" Keep your eyes on the watch " he told the audience and soon all their eyes were moving with the watch.
Unfortunately the chain broke and the watch came to pieces on the floor. "S&*T " he said.
It took 3 full days to clean the place up and the hypnotist was not paid and was never invited back!!
:me:
He produced a gold watch on a chain and started to swing it gently to and fro.
" Keep your eyes on the watch " he told the audience and soon all their eyes were moving with the watch.
Unfortunately the chain broke and the watch came to pieces on the floor. "S&*T " he said.
It took 3 full days to clean the place up and the hypnotist was not paid and was never invited back!!
:me:
barmpot
LOTSW Fanatic
The Energizer bunny and Peter Cottontail got into an argument. The squabble quickly escalated until some friends needed to call the police. The two were arrested and taken to jail.
ENDING #1:
One was later charged with Battery.
ENDING #2:
At their court hearing, the presiding judge, upon reviewing the day's agenda, said under his breath, "Well, it looks like we are going to have a bad hare day."
ENDING #1:
One was later charged with Battery.
ENDING #2:
At their court hearing, the presiding judge, upon reviewing the day's agenda, said under his breath, "Well, it looks like we are going to have a bad hare day."
barmpot
LOTSW Fanatic
STUDENT WHO OBTAINED 0% ON AN EXAM
I would have given him 100%.
Q-1: In which battle did Napoleon die?
A: His last battle
Q-2: Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
A: At the bottom of the page
Q-3: River Ravi flows in which state?
A: Liquid
Q-4: What is the main reason for divorce?
A: Marriage
Q-5: What is the main reason for failure?
A: Exams
Q-6: What can you never eat for breakfast?
A: Lunch & dinner
Q-7: What looks like half an apple?
A: The other half
Q-8: If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what will it become?
A: Wet
Q-9: How can a man go eight days without sleeping?
A: He sleeps at night.
Q-10: How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
A: You will never find an elephant that has one hand.
Q-11: If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in other hand, what would you have?
A: Very large hands
Q-12: If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?
A: No time at all, the wall is already built.
Q-13: How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
A: Any way you want. Concrete floors are very hard to crack.
I would have given him 100%.
Q-1: In which battle did Napoleon die?
A: His last battle
Q-2: Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
A: At the bottom of the page
Q-3: River Ravi flows in which state?
A: Liquid
Q-4: What is the main reason for divorce?
A: Marriage
Q-5: What is the main reason for failure?
A: Exams
Q-6: What can you never eat for breakfast?
A: Lunch & dinner
Q-7: What looks like half an apple?
A: The other half
Q-8: If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what will it become?
A: Wet
Q-9: How can a man go eight days without sleeping?
A: He sleeps at night.
Q-10: How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
A: You will never find an elephant that has one hand.
Q-11: If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in other hand, what would you have?
A: Very large hands
Q-12: If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?
A: No time at all, the wall is already built.
Q-13: How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
A: Any way you want. Concrete floors are very hard to crack.
