jokes bad or otherwise.

I was jogging on the train tracks today, thinking to myself, 'why does no one else do this?'
Then it hit me.
 
The girl at the RyanAir check-in desk said, "Window or aisle?"
I replied, "Window or you'll what?"
 
When my grandfather died, we didn't even get the chance to say goodbye.

Which is really ironic, because he drowned in a bowl of Cheerios.
 
It's amazing, scream in a library and everyone just looks at you like you're a wierdo, however, scream on a plane and everyone joins in.
 
Went into the Opticians and told him that I could see 9 years into the future. He examined my eyes and nodded in agreement. "You've got 2020 vision"
 
I walked into a library and asked, “Do you have a book on drugs?”
The lady said, “Yes, it's wandering around aisle three talking to itself.”
 
A mate of mine has just told me he's two-timing on his girlfriend with her twin.
I said "How can you tell them apart?"
He said "Her brother's got a moustache!"
 
My mate said he'd swap all his novels for a root vegetable ........ That was a turnip for the books .
 
My wife asked if I could make some home improvements while she was at work.
So I changed the locks.
 
I eventually caught up with the woman who stole all my new material.
I was too late, she'd already made two sets of curtains and a pillow case.
 
A street magician asked me to think of a number between 1 and 3, but it was only noon so I told him I would be back in an hour.
 
My mate loved growing up with a dyslexic father.
Whenever he swore, he'd wash his mouth out with soup.
 
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