jokes bad or otherwise.

Just got back from visiting a lovely little place in Wales;
Lloysthwycyyrigridarbrewwthh... sorry there was a hair in my mouth.

I went to Swansea.
 
A man said to me"Do you believe in ghosts?"
I said "No of course I don't you silly Elizabethan sailor"
 
I've had trouble with yo-yo dieting, I haven't really lost any weight.
Plus the string gets stuck in my teeth.
 
A market researcher stopped me and asked what was my favourite condiment.
I said, "I'd never reveal my sauces."
 
My wife has said that she is fed up of having a bully in her bed.
Tough, it's unique and signed by Jim Bowen.
 
I went to the doctors today.
I said, "Doctor I've got a lump in my throat."
He said, "When did you first notice it?"
I said, "While watching Bambi."
 
My wife said she was going to need my full support at her mothers funeral.
So I was there at the front waving my giant foam finger.
 
I just got a letter of confirmation from the Royal Mail saying that I will be working for them.
I start 3 years ago.
 
My wife came home from work and found me crouched down in the wardrobe.
"What are you doing in there?" she asked.
"Narnia business" I replied.
 
I went to the bank today to ask for a loan.
"What do you need the money for sir"
"It's for a car"
"Oh nice what are you getting"
"Just some unleaded"
 
BBC News
Astronomers have found a new bright galaxy billions of light years from Earth.
Amazing, I can't even find the socks I bought last Tuesday.
 
My wife got so fed up with my constantly describing situations with bad jokes,she threw ice-cream all over me and left.
She desserted me.
 
"A double whiskey please."
"I'm sorry sir, but I can't serve you."
"Are you saying I'm drunk?"
"No, I'm saying this is a shoe shop."
 
You should have seen the look of shock on the nudists faces when I ran right through the middle of their football match fully clothed.
 
I've been watching a serial on TV about paint drying.
Although most of the episodes were quite boring it did have a good finish.
 
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