Long walk

Peripheral

Peripheral

Dedicated Member
Today I am planning on walking for at least a quarter of a mile or, a quarter of a minute, depending which comes first. If by some chance I am not back for Xmas eve will you please open my Xmas cards for me and put a mince pie out for Santa. I should be OK for my planned perambulation for which I have wrote out a list of things that I consider will be necessary for my walk. Top of the list of course is a SAT NAV. That alone has given me food for thought. If my walk takes longer than I have anticipated will the SAT NAV still work on Sunday or will I have to buy a SUN NAV? I am not well up on modern technology and I still have great difficulty converting centipede to Frankenstein. I have partly solved the temperature problem by sticking labels on the thermometer depending on where that red line gets to. One says, 'Keep in the shade', another says 'Lovely day for taking the tortoise WALKIES' and the last one says 'If you're a brass monkey then keep your nuts well wrapped up'. Other things I have on my list are a pair of tennis rackets in case there is a heavy snowfall, a couple of dozen sarnies in case I get lost, a basket for the postman to put all my birthday cards in !!!
Had you forgotten? St. Georges Day.... Yeah, St. George, I wonder if that is why I married a dragon? .... Back to my list. A change of underwear, in case I get run over and an old teapot in case I am overtaken by the call of nature. I'm so slow that anything can overtake me. The last time I took the tortoise for a walk he was back before I had got out of the drive. Here's something for you to think about, how do tortoises make love? Come to think of it, I reckon hedgehogs must have a good supply of elastoplasts on standby when they do it.
Right, nearly time for take off. My list is in my shirt pocket....???....Yeah, my list. The piece of paper with all the things on. WHAT? OOHHH, I HEAR YOU. It's the piece of paper I am taking. You don't think that I could carry all that crap do you? :eek2:
 
Peri, good morning. I am quite up on SAT NAV's. I keep mine tuned to radio 4 so I get constant weather updates and I know which harbour to head for when my ship comes in. The triangle on the back lifts up to tell the time if its sunny and the compass I keep set pointing to home in case my slippers go missing with the dog. I don't bother too much about the Latitude and Longitude because my mercator eye can only read ordernance surverlanced dance routines. I keep a grab bag for emergency and she has all the essentials in her pinny pocket. If your birthday is the 23rd then you could be called George in real life, just like my old fella but don't read too much into that as there are terrible tales about sailors shifts. If you beat the tortoise back don't get to over enthusiastic because it might have stopped of at its fancy bit for a quick cuppa and a natter.
 
Moggie Moo said:
Peri, good morning. I am quite up on SAT NAV's. I keep mine tuned to radio 4 so I get constant weather updates and I know which harbour to head for when my ship comes in. The triangle on the back lifts up to tell the time if its sunny and the compass I keep set pointing to home in case my slippers go missing with the dog. I don't bother too much about the Latitude and Longitude because my mercator eye can only read ordernance surverlanced dance routines. I keep a grab bag for emergency and she has all the essentials in her pinny pocket. If your birthday is the 23rd then you could be called George in real life, just like my old fella but don't read too much into that as there are terrible tales about sailors shifts. If you beat the tortoise back don't get to over enthusiastic because it might have stopped of at its fancy bit for a quick cuppa and a natter.
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I don't think the name George had been invented when I was born. My real name is an anagram of brain.
As for the tortoise having a QUICK CUPPA. Mmm, I'll believe it when I see. Sunny here again. Good gardening weather. I must weed my window box. :tw:
 
So you were no saint then Narib? The weather here is quite warm . I just put some seeds in some pots to see what happens. The packet says even a child can grow these so I'll see if I'm in my second one.
 
Don't waste your time with those seed packets Moggie. I planted hundreds of those things and not one packet rooted. Not did a single one grew to be a beautiful envelope. We, and this is true, put silk flowers in the garden, they look very good and last more than a year. No dead heading or pruning to contend with. My wife thinks that I am ready for dead heading and I dread her coming near me when she has any type of cutters in her hand. The lawn is also plastic and needs no attention. I was going to cut a piece off the left overs, dye it grey and stick it on my bonce. :08:
 
It must be a man thing but I just keep doing it every year and end up buying those common geraniums to fill in where the seed never grow. If no luck this year thats £4 down the drain. I bought some weed killer, it said it kills nettles, well there tuff little f****** up here. They have had two doses and not even a wilt. I wonder if thats why all the boozers can keep putting it away up here there's something in the air that makes 'em immune to chemicals. If she comes at you with the pruners she's after your prunes. Bobby Bobbit nextdoor had the same problem.
 
Rumour has it Peri Mrs P sent you out for something different for her Evening Meal . Being a bit of the Jack the lad and off the leash you dropped the "e" and went out on the lash with the lads . Kicked out at 11.30 , knowing Mrs P would expect something exotic for tea and with all the Takeaway shops closed you went to the local park and scooped up a handful of snails from the grass and put them in your pocket .

As you staggered up to the gate you caught a glimpse in the moonlight of Mrs P at the window , face like thunder , armed with the rolling pin silhouetted against the moon and then she was off to take the door off its hinges and welcome you home . AS the door flung open quick as a flash you unburdened yourself of the snails putting them on the ground and announcing " Come on boys nearly home" :fp:
 
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