Peripheral
Dedicated Member
'VICTORIA' I called to my wife, 'why is there a man knocking at the door with a cucumber?' I asked.
'Maybe he can't reach the door bell', she replied.
'We don't have a door bell', I responded.
'Well now you know why he's knocking on the door with a cucumber', she said. 'Go see what he wants'.
I opened the door just as the bloke was in the process of attempting to knock on the door again with the cucumber. As you would expect the cucumber missed the door, which at this point was open, and caught me a right four-penny one on my beak. 'OUCH', I yelled, and rubbed my hooter in an effort to ease the pain, 'why are you hitting be on by dose with your cucumber?' The fella was full of apologies.
'Err, it's not my cucumber, he said, 'it's yours. Your wife forgot to pick it up from the counter at the supermarket. We have just moved into 27 down the street and I thought it would be neighbourly to bring it to you.' I thanked him but I had to ask why he didn't knock on the door with his knuckles?
'Well,' he said, 'last night I sneezed violently and one of my contact lenses shot out and while I was scrabbling around on the floor searching for it my wife came into the room to show me the new running shoes she had bought for our jogging activities. She trod on both my hands as I searched for the contact lens. The shoes had spikes. Now you know why I didn't knock'. He stared at me intently. 'Er your nose is bleeding sir. Please let me take you to the hospital and get you checked.' By now my beak was bleeding profusely so I did not decline his offer. The doctor examined my nose and told me that it was broken. A nurse stuffed some swabs up it to stop the flow of blood and put something on the outside to help return it to its original shape. The nurse told me to breath through my mouth until such times the swabs could be removed. On reflection, that is the silliest thing she could have said, what other parts of my anatomy could I breath through? Well, now I'm back home and in the loving arms of my wife who was giving it lots of 'There there, ever so there.'
'Promise me one thing dear,' I said, 'in future when you go shopping, promise me you won't by a marrow'.
'Maybe he can't reach the door bell', she replied.
'We don't have a door bell', I responded.
'Well now you know why he's knocking on the door with a cucumber', she said. 'Go see what he wants'.
I opened the door just as the bloke was in the process of attempting to knock on the door again with the cucumber. As you would expect the cucumber missed the door, which at this point was open, and caught me a right four-penny one on my beak. 'OUCH', I yelled, and rubbed my hooter in an effort to ease the pain, 'why are you hitting be on by dose with your cucumber?' The fella was full of apologies.
'Err, it's not my cucumber, he said, 'it's yours. Your wife forgot to pick it up from the counter at the supermarket. We have just moved into 27 down the street and I thought it would be neighbourly to bring it to you.' I thanked him but I had to ask why he didn't knock on the door with his knuckles?
'Well,' he said, 'last night I sneezed violently and one of my contact lenses shot out and while I was scrabbling around on the floor searching for it my wife came into the room to show me the new running shoes she had bought for our jogging activities. She trod on both my hands as I searched for the contact lens. The shoes had spikes. Now you know why I didn't knock'. He stared at me intently. 'Er your nose is bleeding sir. Please let me take you to the hospital and get you checked.' By now my beak was bleeding profusely so I did not decline his offer. The doctor examined my nose and told me that it was broken. A nurse stuffed some swabs up it to stop the flow of blood and put something on the outside to help return it to its original shape. The nurse told me to breath through my mouth until such times the swabs could be removed. On reflection, that is the silliest thing she could have said, what other parts of my anatomy could I breath through? Well, now I'm back home and in the loving arms of my wife who was giving it lots of 'There there, ever so there.'
'Promise me one thing dear,' I said, 'in future when you go shopping, promise me you won't by a marrow'.
