Episode Bio's from Rod Tickner

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cornishman

The Coder
Staff member
Massive thanks to Rod Tickner and all his hard work compiling this information, I spent some time scanning all the pages then sent it to Tony to compile into a suitable format for the website, it is a great synopsis covering many of the episodes, enjoy.

I will try to get one series per post, but keep entire list in this thread. I am converting the pages manually, so it will take a few days.
(Tony)

SEASON 1. 1973.

1 PILOT 6 PROGRAMME
Our story starts with Nora Batty and her neighbour hanging out their washing. Compo comes out to argue with the TV rental man who's come again to repossess his television.
Compo goes off to meet Cyril Blamire who's walking his landlady's dog. After a chat they go to meet Clegg at the church, where a funeral is in progress. The trio go into an old chapel for a cuppa and a discussion on theology before going on to the library. The librarian (Wainwright) is making advances, as usual, to his assistant (Miss Partridge), before throwing the three out because Compo is eating. On to the cafe where Ivy and Sid are arguing and then on to the pub for a pint.
They catch a tiddler in the stream and keep it in a jam jar, but later they put it back into the stream.

1. SHORT BACK AND PALAIS GLIDE.
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Blamire needs a haircut so its off to Judd the barber who's always talking death and depression. After discussions with Judd they go to the library, only to be thrown out by Wainwright when Blamire and Clegg turn Compo upside-down to rid him of evil
spirits.
Whilst in the cafe Compo discovers he's lost his door key and it might be on the library floor, but the library is closed when they get back there. Not knowing Wainwright's address they try his assistant, Mrs. Partridge.but as she's no help they go to the Police Station to check the Electoral Roll. They discover Wainwright is at a Buffet Dance but are thrown out when they arrive at the hall. Sid, who's there with Ivy, sneaks them in and whilst playing cards in a back room Compo decides that he doesn't need his key as he can get through his back window.

2. INVENTOR OF THE FORTY FOOT FERRET.
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Blamire decides that Compo needs to see the inside of a church - easier said than done. They stop off at an old barn with their flasks, ret rieve a kite from up a tree then go to the library where Wainwright is making advances to Mrs. Partridge (what's new?). Ivy and Sid are a rguing again when they arrive at the cafe, so they discuss theology and talk Compo into going to church, but after a short visit all Compo could feel was an itchy nose.


3. PATE AND CHIPS.
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A visit to Upperdy ke Hall with Compo's nephew Chip and his family, starting with breakfast at the cafe. They are collected by Chip and s quashed into the back of his van with the kids and dog. After a look around the Hall and a picnic, the trio are left to look after the kids . Back inside the Hall, where the curator is describing the interior, all are expecting the Duke or Duchess t enter, but it only turns out to be Compo with Chip's dog, so they are thrown out. They stop at a pub on the way home and discuss their youth.

4. SPRING FEVER.
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Our story starts with Compo cleaning his place, much to the surprise of Nora Batty and her neighbour. Blamire can't understand why Compo is late arriving at the library. "It's Spring Fever" explains Clegg as they set off for Compo's house. Next day, when Compo fails to turn up again, they find him buying a new suit. Whilst at the cafe they discover that he's advertised for a housekeeper, and goes to meet her off the bus. After a plate of mushy peas in the cafe and a night on the town she realises that Compo has nothing to offer, so she goes home, leaving Compo to resume his pursuit of Nora Batty.

5. THE NEW MOBILE TRIO.
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A visit to a road safety exhibition gives Clegg the idea of buying a car. After seeing an advertisement at the library they go to see a man called Walter, who tried to teach his dog to ride a bike. After a test drive in an old banger with Walter they collide with a tractor when the brakes fail. Off to the cafe where Clegg decides they buy a car from a reputable dealer, but whilst testing this one they agin 'run into' the tractor.

6. HAIL SMILING MORN OR THEREABOUTS.
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Looking at pictures in the 1-ibrary gives Blamire the idea of photograhy as a hobby, so he and Compo go round to Clegg's house only to find him sorting out some old camping equipment. Armed with his camera Blamire sets about taking photographs of Compo and Clegg. Clegg suggests taking photos of the sunrise and using his camping gear they can be up on the hills at daybreak. After a thunderstorm they have to spend the night in an old barn and by the time they get up they've missed the sunrise. We end with the trio having a pint and discussing what to do for the rest of the day.
 

cornishman

The Coder
Staff member
SEASON 2. 1974. 7 EPISODES.

1. FORKED LIGHTNING.
details:
After various accidents with his bicycle Clegg decides to get it repaired, so at the cafe they let Sid have a try. Sid being unsuccessful Clegg decides to take the bike back to Huddersfield where he bought it 30 years ago. Well, you can't take a bicycle on a bus, even wrapped up as a parcel, so the only way is to ride it there. They then discover that the shop where be bought it closed down several years before, so its back home again. Calling in the pub on their way back, Clegg decides to let Sid have another try at mending his. bike. "Its fixed" says Sid, and to prove it rides around on it outside the cafe until the unevitable happens. Our story closes with the trio chasing Clegg's front. wheel down the hill.

2. WHO'S THAT DANCING WITH NORA BATTY THEN?
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At the library Compo informs Blamire and Clegg that his neighbour, Gloria, is going to Australia. As usual they get thrown out of the library, this time by the new librarian Miss Probert, so they go for a stroll. They meet Shep, the lollipop man who can't stand kids, and ask him if they can borrow his piano for Gloria's farewell party at the cafe. Compo gets stuck up a tree and tears his shirt and they transport the piano to the cafe. At the party Compo gets to dance with Kora Batty - until he treads on her foot.

3. THE CHANGING FACE OF RURAL BLAMIRE .
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Blamire decides he wants a job so goes along to Shinyglow Products, a dubious. firm run by a welshman called Oswald Green.
So, with the firm's transport - a tatty old van - its off to sell the Shinyglow All Purpose Cleaner with the help of Compo and Clegg. Whilst sitting in the van Blamire accidentally spray s himself in the face which gets darker and darker, a fact which the other two don't tell him, and which doesn't help him sell the product to customers. Whilst in the cafe Blamire sees his refection in a mirror. Having no success with the product they take the van back and call at the pub. Next day in the library Blamire sees an advert in the paper for another job and goes along for an interview. who should be running it but Oswald Green.

4. SOME ENCHANTED EVENING.
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"How much longer" says Blamire as he and Clegg wait for Compo's telly to be returned. A visit to the library gets Compo thrown
out for playing a radio, so its on to the cafe where Compo is mooning over photographs of Nora Batty. This amuses Blamire, Clegg and Sid so Compo goes home to listen to his radio. Later that evening his request (Some Enchanted Evening) is played on the radio for Nora. A knock at the door and Compo thinks his luck has changed and Nora is on his doorstep. I ts onl y Wally Batty who's sneaked out and is going back to his Mam.
A week later and Clegg and Blamire find life boring wit hout Compo so they go round to his house, only to find hiw dressed up, cl ean shaven and moving in with Nora Batty. Clegg and Blamire meet Wally and discover that Compo knows Wall y intends to come. back, to Nora, and its onl y a trick to get into Nora's. The other two decide to pl ay a trick on Compo by telling him that Wally has gone for good, so its soon back t o the ol d Compo.

5. A QUIET DRINK.
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After a day walking our trio call for a drink at the Clothier's Arms where amongst the customer is 'Mouse', a man renowned for not buying anyone a drink. Clegg decides they should try to con 'Mouse' by getting him to believe he's got 'second sight'. Tina, a lady who is worse the wear for drink, is left with the trio whilst her husband is doing one of his 'dodgy ' deals with another customer. Clegg decides Tina would be better in 'Mouse's'
car. Returning to the bar they challenge 'Mouse' to see how long they can sit with an empty glass before one of them stands up. Tina's husband and a customer come running into the pub say ing that Tina is racing round the car park in 'Mouse's' car, which makes 'Mouse' run outside and , therefore, lose the bet.

6. BALLAD FOR WIND INSTRUMENTS AND CANOE .
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A quiet rest by the river is disturbed by the arrival of Arnpepper, a man who's fallen out of his canoe. After retrieving it they go to the barn to dry him off and decide to buy the canoe from him. Leaving the canoe at Compo's they go to the cafe where they have a competition to find out who has the biggest mouth, that is until Ivy catches them.
The next day they go down to the river where trouble starts when the canoe drifts away. Dropping Compo off a bridge is one way of getting it back, but they miss and Compo ends up in the river, so its off to the barn to get him dry. "Swimwear is the answer to keeping our clothes dry" suggests Blamire, and off they go to the river again suitably clad. While taking a break the canoe floats away again leaving them with the problem of how to get home in their swimwear without being seen. All is going well until a coachload of pensioners t urns up.

7. NORTHERN FLYING CIRCUS.
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In the library Compo, Clegg and Blamire read about a friend of theirs who's died, giving Clegg the idea to go and buy his motorbike and sidecar from the widow. From the cafe its on to the local pub where, after various attempts at trying to start the motorbike, Compo gets kitted out in the motorcy cle gear after catching his shin on the starter, and making his nose bleed with the goggles. Its now off for a ride, or so they thought as they end up pushing the motorbike back to the pub with a puncture.
 

cornishman

The Coder
Staff member
SEASON 3. 1976. 7 PROGRAMMES.
1. THE MAN FROM OSWESTRY.

"Tea or coffee?" Sid asks Compo as another day in the cafe begins. This is no ordinary day as Compo and Sid find out when Clegg reads a letter he has received from Cyril Blamire. Today is the day that 'Foggy' Dewhurst arrives on the scene - a man remembered by Compo as having a blue uniform and a white face (like a pencil with a rubber on the end) - so its off to the bus station
to meet him. After dropping off some of his luggage our trio call at the local pub, where Foggy defends the honour of his regimental scarf and ends up with a nose bleed after 'Big Malcolm' hits him. Foggy's scarf causes more problems when they collect the rest of the luggage as it wraps around the wheel of the trolley they are using for transport.

2. MENDING STUART'S LEG.
After being thrown out of the library by 'Old Shagnasty' [Mr. Wainwright], Foggy, Compo and Clegg decide to mend Stuart's leg, so its back to the cafe. Sid is in trouble with Ivy because he will not go onto the roof to replace some loose slates. Stuart tells them he has a loose lump which hurts every time he Compo presses it, and that his knee "clicks" when he walks. Foggy gets them all to kneel down so they can listen, but this soon ends when Ivy catches them. As usual, Foggy takes charge of the operation to repair Sid's roof and volunteers Compo to go up on the roof. He attaches a rope to Compo and the other end to Sid 's van so they can pull him up but, as usual.it all goes wrong when Compo disappears overt the roof. (By the way, if you want any off-cuts of polystyrene - Foggy 's your man)

3. THE GREAT BOARDING HOUSE BATHROOM CAPER.
A weekend in Scarborough is on the cards for everyone as soon as Gordon arrives with his van. After calling for a drink on the way - (for Gordon to wash his hands after mending a puncture!!)- they all arrive in Scarborough where the first thing that happens is Gordon
getting a parking ticket.
On to the boarding house for lunch then a walk along the promenade discussing 'winkle training' and why Compo's shoes have turned
green. Back at the boarding house, Foggy and Clegg can't understand why Compo keeps going to wash his feet. The answer is that Nora Batty is staying there as well. Finally, what's that scratching in the wardrobe? --- Compo has brought his ferrets with him.

4. CHEERING UP GORDON.
After an early morning swim and breakfast our trio go to church but get thrown out when Compo's ferrets escape. Down on the beach Foggy observes Gordon through his binoculars and decides he needs cheering up. A ride on a donkey doesn't work, so they take him for a cup of tea. Whilst in the cafe Compo tells Gordon that he will teach him how to chat up women if he will teach him how to fish. It ends in disaster when the fishing line gets wrapped around a beach buggy and Compo is seen disappearing up the sea front. After a pint or two Compo goes out and picks up a gang of women who frighten them, so they end up hiding in the bedroom.

5. THE KINK IN FOGGY'S NIBLICK.

After a brief but painful game of football, Foggy informs Compo, Clegg and Sid that his game is really golf. The only thing is that he has not played since 1939 when "that fool Hitler" invaded Poland. Un perturbed by this he challenges Sid to a round of golf, but when he finds his clubs he discovers they have warped. Off to the golf course where - after embarrassing Foggy in the club house - Compo learns that they they pay a shilling for each lost golf ball, but not all of them are "lost"!!!
Foggy, meanwhile, is having problems with his 'curly clubs' and eventually finishes playing in the dark.

6. GOING TO GORDON'S WEDDING.
Our trio are going to Compo's nephew Gordon's wedding today, but Compo is having trouble with his oversize buttonhole. For a wedding present Compo has got an alarm clock but has no wrapping paper. Foggy tries to borrow some from Nora Batty but ends up with a face full of yardbrush.
After meeting at Gordon's house its off to church in a minibus where, upon ·arrival, Foggy tries his hand at photography. Inside the church Compo's buttonhole is causing problems again by getting in his eye, so Foggy throws it on the floor. Unfortunately the best man lips on it , breaks his leg, and has to go to hospital. Now they need another best man and Compo is appointed, much to the disgust of Foggy and Clegg. During the ceremony they discover that the ring has gone to the hospital with the other best man, so off they go to collect it. All seems to be going well with they ceremony until Compo's present goes off!!!!

7. ISOMETRICS AND AFTER.
"We are all unfit" says Foggy and decides to undertake a fitness regime, introducing them to isometrics -(a way of doing exercises
without taking your vest off).
Onto the library for the first lesson - attempting to lift a table which is screwed to the floor. Unfortunately they do manage to lift
it and end up being thrown out (yet again) by Wainwright. After trying "jogging" its on to the cafe where Compo finds Nora Batty working there, and has his usual 'tussle' with her. Foggy then decides they try horse riding as a form of exercise, but this would be alright if the horses would stop.
 

cornishman

The Coder
Staff member
SEASON 4. 1977. 7 PROGRAMMES 1 SPECIAL.

1. FERRET COME HOME.
Why are Compo and Wally outside Nora Batty's?
Compo has lost one of his ferrets and believes it may be in Nora's house. After an altercation with Nora's yardbrush its off to the cafe where Sid won't part with a paper napkin. Back home Compo tells Foggy and Clegg he can get in touch with Wally by tapping on the wall. Wally comes round to tell them that the ferret has gone upstairs, so they have to wait outside for Wally's signal when Nora is not looking. Standing around looks suspicious, so Foggy comes up with the idea that. they are looking for a contact lens. As usual it all goes wrong when they end up with a crowd of people all looking for a non-existant contact lens.

2. GETTING ON SIDNEY'S WIRE.
Our day begins with the trio sitting by a stream where they realise that they don't know what day it is. This upsets Foggy so he goes off to check on the fish life of the stream, but ends up falling in.
At the ca fe they find Sid trying to install a doorbell, so Foggy, as usual, decides to take over. Using what he believes to be a salt-cellar to unroll the wire he gets Clegg, Compo and Sid to help, until Ivy arrives on the scene and realises that it is not salt but pepper they are using - which makes everyone's eyes water. After being thrown out o f the cafe Nora sees Compo crying (due to the pepper) and takes him home with her, but as usual he gets thrown out. Its back to the cafe where Foggy tells Sid he needs a plank to save him going up and down his steps, but this idea does not work. Eventually the doorbell is installed but it makes Ivy jump, so she throws them all out.

3. JUBILEE.
Foggy wants to do something for the Queen's Jubilee, so its off to see the vicar whos in charge of all the preparations. After the vicar enrols them in the pageant its off to the cafe where Ivy has just drilled holes in one of Sid's golf clubs. Sid tells them Ivy wants him to take her dancing, so they talk him into helping them with the pageant. When he finds out they have to dress up as sailo rs on the back of a float driven by the vicar's wife, he wishes he hadn 't got involved. As usual it all ends in disaster.

4. FLOWER POWER CUT.
Our trio are off to Murdoch's funeral where Clegg takes an interest in flowers by saying that they have feelings - much to the amusement of Foggy and Compo.
Later at the cafe Clegg explains to Foggy, Compo and Sid that plants react to music, but after tinkling some teacups the trio go off into the woods to practice on recorders. Back to the cafe where Clegg bets Foggy, Compo and Sid a pound each that if they play their recorders at the flowers there will be a definite reaction. The only reaction they get is from Ivy!!!

5. WHO MADE A BIT OF A SPLASH IN WALES THEN?
Foggy has gone to Wales to visit a lady friend, so Sid has the idea of taking Ivy to see her sister and then bringing Foggy back with them. Because Sid fancies a drink Clegg has to drive. On arrival in Wales Clegg has problems reversing the car, but after several attempts he manages to park it right on Foggy's foot. After Foggy has been to the hospital Compo and Clegg take him in his wheelchair to the park, but they end up in the pond when it goes out of control.

6. GREEN FINGERS.
Saturday morning and its off to the market for some shopping, but Foggy is disillusioned with the size of the vegetables. "Lewis Bickerdyke" says Clegg "he's the man to see for fresh vegetables. Off they go to find Bickerdyke but they didn't reckon with his dog. After a pint art a walk they come across a giant plastic carrot hanging up orifide a vegetable wholesalers. This gives Clegg the idea of borrowing it to walk past Bickerdyke's to make him think that they are growing even bigger vegetables than him. Later, at the pub, ·they come across Wally· who is drunk, but he nearly sobers up when he sees the carrot.

7. A MERRY HEATWAVE.
The day begins with Compo making comparisons between Nora Batty and Dorothy Lamour. At the cafe the trio hear some bad news about Nora's brother in Australia who doesn't think he will see another Christmas.
Foggy has an idea about making a film of an old fashioned Christmas to send to Nora's brother, but the snag is that its midsummer and in the middle of a heatwave, and they have a bit of a problem collecting certain items - such as holly. Filming begins, and to create the effect of snow Clegg has to pour soap flakes out of the window above the cafe, but unfortunately he gets trapped. This leads to further mayhem with
Compo and a ladder. In the middle of all this the postman arrives with a telegram for Nora. sayin g that her brother is better and has run away with his nurse.

8. THE BAND IT FROM STOKE ON TRENT.
The trio meet Amos Hames coming out of the police station. Foggy is a bit wary of him, especially when he rips his sleeve after it gets tangled with Amos's.
Amos tells them he is only back for the day, but when he asks about the bank they think he is going to rob it. Foggy decides to take charge, and to prevent innocent bystanders getting hurt he directs the traffic away from the bank . They end up being chased into a chip shop by a learner driver. Outside again they see a security van delivering money to the bank and Foggy tries to stop them, but he gets arrested. After being released from the porice station Foggy finds out that all Amos wanted to do was to cash a cheque, but when the bank refuses he talks Clegg into cashing it, much to the amusement of Compo and Foggy.
 

cornishman

The Coder
Staff member
SPECIAL - SMALL TUNE ON A PENNY WASSAIL.

Its Christmas Day but Compo is bored' and Clegg doesn't like Christmas, so Foggy takes them to the hospital to visit Edgar and cheer him up. Whilst at the hospital Compo shows them his watch which you can see in the dark, and demonstrates this by getting under Edgar's bed.
Back at Clegg's they have eaten their dinner and its time to open the presents. Foggy and Clegg have bought each other the same jumpers, but they are both surprised to find that Compo has bought them both a watch. Meanwhile, Sid and Wally have sneaked out of their houses and nearly get knocked down by Compo flying down the road on a skateboard, and ending up colliding with the Salvation Army band.

SERIES 5 1979 - 7 Programmes 1 Special.

1. FULL STEAM BEHIND.

Why is Foggy blowing a whistle and waving a flag ? He tells them about the grand re-opening of the railway line between Keighley and Oxenhope, and duly marches them off to it. On the way they stop on a bridge just as a train passes under and they get covered in steam, Next they find an old railway hut where they wash their hands and faces (except Compo). When they hear the train they put their heads out of the window and get covered in steam again. At the station they find the railway engine and Compo climbs aboard and starts it moving then jumps off. Now comes the problem of how to stop it and Foggy comes up with the idea of dropping Compo off ? bridge but he misses. They manage to get on board where Foggy, as usual, takes charge and heads back for the station, but the train goes straight through. Eventually the train stops and they get off but it starts up again and chases them up the line.

2. THE FLAG AND ITS SNAGS.

Foggy has a vision. After.dragging Compo and Ciegg up the hills be explains it all to Sid, Compo and Clegg at the cafe. He wants to put the finishing touch to the great British countryside - a flag. First you need a flagpole and Foggy knows where to find one (at the back of the Sea-scouts hut). The problem, how to get it up the hill. The answer is mules, and the man to see about mules is Willis. After they collect him from the pub he's been thrown out of they try to round the mules up - but to no avail.

3. THE FLAG AND FURTHER SNAGS.
Foggy has to collect his flag from the railway station but when Compo tries to open the parcel he gets the string caught first in his teeth and then in his flies. Its off to the cafe to get the string cut. While there they find that Ivy and Sid have a private party above the cafe [The Royal and Ancient Order of Bullocks of which Wally is a member]. Next Foggy takes Compo and Clegg to meet the Commodore, a man who used to be in charge of the sea cadets and Foggy asks him for the loan of his flagpole. They borrow the commodore's Rolls Royce and give Wally a lift home before getting help from the Bullocks to raise the flag. All seems to be going well until the flagpole collapses and all Foggy can see is a banner held by Compo and Clegg with the word BULLOCKS written across it.

4. DEEP IN THE HEART OF YORKSHIRE.
Our trio are in the woods today where they catch a glimpse of Sid heading towards the hills with a bedding roll. Now, how to keep it secret from Ivy which is not easy when she stands over them with a big wooden spoon. Off to the pub where they come across Nora Batty who can't find Wally, who's also gone off with a bedding roll , so back to the woods to look for them.
After they spot a fire they decide to wait and eventually Sid and Wally turn up dressed as cowboys. Sid tells them that they are part of a
pageant but because some of the volunteers have gone home Foggy, Compo and Clegg have to take their places as 'Big Chief Corporal Signwriter, 'Mrs. Chief Corporal. Signwriter and 'Little Gaping Fly' [Guess who's who?)

5. EARNSHAW STRIKES AGAIN.
Our trio are bored today so Foggy tells them to count their blessings but as they cant think of any it's back to Compo's house where Foggy comes up with the idea of going swimming. When they get to the pool it's all dried up. After a visit to the cafe it's off to the pub where Foggy upsets Compo and Clegg by degrading Yorkshire, especially a Yorkshire god called Earnshaw: After leaving the pub they come across a man trying to repair his car but he is wearing a plaster jacket. Foggy lends a hand with disastrous results. Back at Compo's house Foggy still on't believe in Yorkshire gods, and whilst saying there is no Earnshaw he gets wet through when water comes through the wall after Wally nails through a water pipe.

6. HERE WE GO INTO THE WILD BLUE YONDER.
Our story begins with a stroll in the hills where Compo informs Foggy and Clegg that he would like to try hang-gliding. On their return to the cafe they find Wally who's having to take Nora out more and Sid who is trying to mend a microwave. Compo asks Wally if he can build him a hang-glider but Foggy says that Compo has to get used to a bit of height and marches them to a viaduct, but they run off to the pub. After a few pints it's back to exercising but Compo challenges Foggy to see who can climb the highest up a tree. They both get stuck and Clegg has to phone for the fire brigade.

7. HERE WE GO AGAIN INTO THE WILD BLUE YONDER.
The second part of our story begins with Foggy showing them the spot he has picked for hangliding down by the reservoir. Whilst waiting for Wally and Sid, Foggy takes Compo and Clegg into a barn for more exercises, but Compo soon gives up. Wally and Sid arrive with the 'flying machine' which turns out to be a giant pigeon. Still needing to get used to height they string Compo up in a tree. Now it's time for the flight and Foggy gets Compo to take off from the roof of the barn, but the only thing that takes off are his trousers. After two attempts to take off, one by running with a rope and the other on the back of a bicycle, and after Sid and Wally have fallen out of the rescue boat, Foggy gets the idea of Compo standing on top of Sid's van to get some speed. As usual it all ends in disaster.

8. AND A DEWHIRST UP A FIR TREE.
Foggy decides to do his Christmas shopping early this year but the only thing is that its midsummer. Off they go to the shops where they end up being thrown out. Next its on to the cafe where Foggy challenges Compo to come at him with a knife, but Ivy ends up hitting Compo with a tray. Our trio call at the pub where Foggy meets a man at the bar (Big Eric) who says he's in the forestry commission and sells 100 Christmas trees for £10.00. Nora and Ivy, meanwhile, are discussing how to deal with Compo's advances and come up with an idea to catch him in the cafe later. Our trio find Foggy's trees but they are crawling with insects. It's back to the cafe where they tell the whole story to Sid. Compo, meanwhile, gets ambushed by Nora and Ivy which for once leaves HIM screaming.
 

cornishman

The Coder
Staff member
SERIES 6 - 1981 - 7 Programmes 1 Special.
Special: "WHOOPS"

Compo reminds Foggy and Clegg that its nearly Christmas but they can't get into the mood for it. After a visit to the cafe they go to try to find two of their old school friends. First, there's "Chuffer" Enright who used to be famous for his duck impressions, but after looking at his 'dodgy' knee they go to find "Splutter" Lippinscale. "Splutter" doesn't remember so they leave him a message to meet them for a Christmas drink. Christmas Eve arrives and Compo is now feeling depressed because Nora ignored him. He soon cheers up when Sid and Wally arrive at the pub with "Chuffer" and "Splutter", but these four all end up climbing lamp-posts in the pub car park. It all ends with Compo, Clegg and Foggy jumping off a moving bus like they used to do when they were kids.

1. IN THE SERVICE OF HUMANITY.

The day begins with a stroll by the river where they come across a pile of clothes. Foggy thinks someone has committed suicide and pushes Compo and Clegg into the river to have a look, but the man turns up for his clothes after he'd been canoeing. Whilst drying out Foggy has the idea of forming a rescue party which causes great hilarity, especially when one of his pieces of equipment turns out to be a bent spoon. Whilst out looking for rescue equipment they come across a ladder but soon leave it when they hear a loud bang'. Rushing to see if he can help
Foggy gets belted on the nose for interfering, so its back to the cafe. After another attempted rescue at a football match ends with them being thrown out then its off to the pub. There they meet Wally who's looking for help to get Nora out from under a bed. When the bed collapses as they lift it she chases them out, as usual, so its back to the ladder. After removing it, and not noticing there's a man on the roof, they take it to the river bank where Foggy and Clegg end up in the water.

2. CAR AND GARTER.
"How do you get marmalade off a ferret" asks Compo as another day begins for our lovable trio. This is no ordinary day, for todays the day they meet Wesley Pegden, a man in greasy overalls who spends most of his time in a shed. After a visit to the cafe, where Sid is being shouted at by Ivy, they go to Clegg's house where they try to think of a way of putting Sid up in Ivy's estimation.
Calling back to Wesley's shed Foggy comes up with the idea of Sid test driving Wesley's car, which up till now has never started. They get him some racing leathers and Compo gets a garter to hold up Nora's stocking. When Ivy sees Sid in his· racing gear she hits him with her handbag, so now they need another driver - guess who? Compo gives Nora the garter and its time for the test run. This time the car DOES start but after only moving a few feet the engine blows up.

3. THE ODD DOG MEN.

Sitting by the river our trio meet a man taking his wife’s dog for walk and Foggy has an idea on how to make some money taking peoples dogs for a walk. Foggy gets a shock at one house when a man answers the door and believes he is his wife's lover. Back to the cafe where they come across Wally who, as usual, is feeling depressed. He invites them back to his house for a slice of date and walnut cake, but they end up being thrown out when Compo grabs Nora. Back to the dog walking business where they get chased by an Old English Sheepdog, and they have to take refuge in the back of a horse box - but so does the dog!

4. A BICYCLE MADE FOR THREE.
After our trio fall off Clegg's bike they decide to have a bike each, so off they go to see Percy who owns a secondhand shop. When they hear the prices they will have to pay they decide to build their own. Calling at the cafe for a break they discover that it has been redecorated and because they are covered in oil Ivy makes them eat outside. The bike-building is finished but Compo's saddle is too high and Foggy's wheel is off balance, so Foggy has the idea for a three seater, six wheel bicycle. All goes well until they try the brakes.

5. ONE OF THE LAST FEW PLACES UNEXPLORED BY MAN.

Compo wants to know what life is like in Nora Batty's bedroom. On a visit to the cafe our trio meet Wally who's off to the auction rooms. At Compo's house Foggy and Clegg can't understand why Compo is getting all dressed up. Its because he wants his photograph taken in Nora's bedroom, so Foggy volunteers to use the camera - but he drops it. Calling back to the cafe they meet Wally who's bought a wardrobe and Compo has the idea of hiding inside it. When they get to Nora's she doesn't like the wardrobe and pushes it down the steps, leaving Compo all shook up inside.

6. SERENADE FOR TIGHT JEANS AND METAL DETECTOR.

Everybody is in for a big surprise today as Compo is wearing new trousers (or tight jeans to be more precise). Foggy made him buy them from Duggie's secondhand shop, and Duggie also sold Clegg an old metal detector. At the cafe Foggy demonstrates how it works by laying a spoon on the floor - but nothing happens. In comes Wally after being shopping with Nora and Foggy offers to find a missing screw from Ivy's hair dryer which Sid is trying to repair, but she sends them out to test the detector. Up on the hills Foggy gives Compo some money to hide so that he can locate it with the detector, but Compo pockets the money. The machine is now working even though it gives out a high pitched squeal, and its back to the cafe. Sid says he'I! use the detector to find the screw but when he does the noise makes him break a load of crockery.

7. FROM WELLIES TO WET SUIT.

On a stroll by the river our trio come across Sid who is swimming under water in a wet suit. After drying out in the barn Compo buys the wet suit off Sid and goes about practicing how to walk in the flippers. Once inside the wet suit Compo jumps off a bridge into the river but it turns out to be only a foot deep. After being thrown out of the cafe for making Ivy's floor wet Compo goes to buy a newspaper still in his wet suit. He soon gets fed up with skin diving and Foggy talks him into water skiing. They get Wally to make some ski’s. In order to propel him along the water Sid uses his motorbike but, as usual, it all goes wrong.
 

cornishman

The Coder
Staff member
SERIES 7
1982 - 6 Programmes 1 Special
Special - ALL MOD CONNED.
Our trio are going away for Christmas this year and its all been organised by Foggy, so you can guess the outcome. After borrowing ·Wally's motorbike coat to cover Compo up they go to the cafe for a cuppa before Sid drives them to the station. Once there Foggy gets his walking stick entangled in a group of mens' newspapers, so they throw him out of the waiting room. After the train journey and a lift on the back of a tractor they come across the "cottage", but it turns out to be a tatty old caravan. Making the best of a bad job they push Compo through one of the windows when they can't find a key. Next, they decide to make a fire, but they end up setting fire to the caravan. They then decide to go home by boat but have to use a portable lavatory turned upside down.

1. THE FROZEN TURKEY MAN.
"What is it we're looking for?" asks Foggy as he Compo and Clegg begin another day on the hills. Its an old treacle tin that he buried with Yorkshire remains in it, but the only problem is that he buried it in 1932. They get thrown out of the cafe after Compo has crept up on Ivy, so its off to the pub where Compo and Clegg have the idea of finding a woman for Foggy. They decide to ask the barmaid, and to impress her they tell her that he's an eccentric millionaire who made his money out of frozen turkeys, but she must give him the private signal - "Gobble! Gobble!" Foggy is at the bar buying drinks where he comes across a man with a Rubik's cube puzzle. Interfering, as usual, he drops the puzzle on the floor after the barmaid tries to talk to him, and he gets chased out by a man at the bar. Back to the hills and Foggy is determined to to find Compo's old tin, but after he tells them that in 1932 he was on roller skates. Foggy borrows two scooters but as Compo can't stop he ends up in a field full of manure.

2. THE WHITE MAN'S GRAVE
Our story starts in the cafe wherE:l Sid is mending a mixer and getting his usual tongue-lashing from Ivy. The trio arrive_. soon followed by Wally who has managed to sneak out past Nora. He tells them how depressed he is, so Foggy decides Wally needs to get out more. They go off to Nora's where Foggy ends up with a face full of mop. Compo has the idea of replacing Wally with Clegg, but Clegg is not too keen on the idea until the others talk him into it. Finding Wally outside cleaning a rug they swap places and all is going well until Nora needs a hand moving some steps upstairs, and that's when she discovers Clegg. Back at the cafe Sid has mended the mixer - or thinks he has. Now comes the problem of sneaking Wally back, so they hide him in a pram, but it runs away and Wally ends up at the bottom of the steps.

3.THE WAIST LAND
A day out riding their bikes is on the cards for our trio today but Compo is hungry so they stop for something to eat in an old barn. Whilst there Foggy hears a noise and believes it to be haunted, but it turns out to be a group from the local Health Farm looking for something to eat. Realising they could make money by selling illicit food they go to the cafe and find that Nora Batty is now a waitress. After collecting a load of food they return to the Health Farm where Compo gets thrown over a wall so that he can open the back gate. Once inside its not long before they are discovered selling food, so they have to pretend to be slimmers, but they eventually manage to get out by pretending to be joggers.

4.CHEERING UP LUDOVIC
After a stroll through the hills our trio call for a pint and come across their friend Ludovic who is rather worse for wear with drink. Trying to cheer him up they take him outside and discover why he's miserable -he's bought a tatty old van. Compo drops them all in it when he asks Ludovic to give them a lift, but because he's drunk Clegg has to drive. When they get moving Ludovic shows them how to divide the cab in two by dropping a partition, but they are unaware that it has knocked Clegg out of the van, and he ends up sitting in the road. After a short walk Clegg comes across Wally and Nora who are out on the motorbike, so they give a lift to catch up with the van. Eventually, when they do catch up with the van, panic has set in as the others have realised that nobody is driving, but all ends well when the van comes to rest in a field.

5. THE THREE ASTAIRES
Foggy drags Compo and Clegg to church today because he's heard that the vicar is looking for volunteers for his concert party. Their first hurdle is to get past the vicar's wife, a nervous woman who wants nothing to do with the concert. Once in the church hall and after demolishing most of the scenery, Foggy tells the vicar that they are going to do a top hat and cane dance. Compo has found a box of costumes and he manages to get himself stuck inside a suit of armour. Now they have the problem of getting Compo home, so they wrap bandages around the helmet. When Nora sees him· she thinks that he is injured and taking advantage of this he goes into her house. As usual he gets thrown out after the bandages come undone, but they eventually manage to get the helmet off by ramming it into a telegraph pole.

6. THE ARTS OF CONCEALMENT.
Foggy is teaching Compo and Clegg how to blend into the background and to prove his point he gets dressed up as a bush but unfortunately steps out in front of a party of cyclists. Back at the cafe Sid and Ivy are expecting a party of people and she wants our trio out, but Foggy is determined to stay. Eventually he leaves only to return later when Ivy dare not throw him out. Unknown to Foggy the special party is the group of cyclists. Up on the hills they come across a couple who's car has broken down so they help by giving them a push. A thread from Compo's trousers gets caught on the car and as it drives away it takes his trousers with it. How do they get him home without trousers? Along come Wally and Nora on the motorbike and Wally is wearing -a long overcoat. They 'borrow' Wally's trousers for Compo, but unfortunately they are too small.

GETTING SAM HOME.
Whilst having a rest up on the hills our trio have a discussion about Sam, a friend of theirs who is in hospital, but their attention is distracted by Mr. Fairburn (Co-op tailoring) and his lady friend (her from the bacon counter). On the way to the hospital they call to see Lily 'Bless ‘er’, a certain friend of Sam's who gives them a tin of buns to give to Sam. At the hospital they find Sam-with the other woman in his life -his wife Sybil-who becomes suspicious when she sees the bun tin. Whilst Foggy takes Compo outside Sam tells Clegg that Compo is to have his blue suit when he dies. Next day they discover that Sam has no-one to fetch him home from hospital so they borrow Sid's old fish and chip van, and whilst on their way home Sam shows them where he wants his ashes scattering. Arriving at Sam's he asks them to sneak him round to Lily 'Bless 'er's' when Sybil is asleep, and this is where their problems really start. Whilst at Lily's Sam dies in her bed (with a big smile on his face). Lily tells them that they will have to take him home before Sybil finds he's gone, so Clegg has to ask Sid if they can borrow his van again. Next morning, in the cafe, our trio are discussing the events of the previous night when Clegg tells Compo that Sam left him his blue suit. Later that day Foggy reads in the paper about Sam's funeral so he, Compo and Clegg go to pay their respects to Sybil and find that she's h;;irl Sam laid out in the qarden shed.Having a drink later that night Lily tells Foggy, Compo, Clegg and Sid that Sam could be laid out with dignity in her front room. They go to collect him but have to leave Foggy in the coffin whilst they borrow a shop window dummy from Mt. Fairburn (Co-op tailoring) so that Sybil will think Sam is still there if she looks through the shed window. A neighbour of Sam's out walking his dog loses it in Sam's garden. As he's searching for it he sees Foggy sit up in the coffin and thinking that it is Sam he faints. Returning with the dummy Compo and Clegg see a police car so they throw the dummy over the hedge but it lands on top of the man who fainted and is just coming round. He sees Foggy stood in the shed doorway and this time he runs off down the street terrified. The next night they have to get Sam home again, but after trying all night to get Sid"s van going they decide they must go round to Sybil's and tell her the truth. Unknown to them the funeral has been brought forward an hour so all the mourners are there.They try to explain to Sybil but she is too busy. so they go to the shed for Compo to change into Sam's blue suit and see the undertakers carrying out the coffin. Not wishing to embarrass Sybil in front of her guests they decide to tell her the truth when they get to the church, but upon arrival they are collared by Ivy who tells them that she and Sid swapped Sam and the dummy over, so everything was alright. Lily 'Bless'er' goes to the church but decides not to go in. As she's walking back Sybil invites her into the car to go back for the funeral tea, and the story ends with the trio scattering Sam's ashes up on the hills with Foggy, as usual, in charge of the proceedings and managing to throw himself over the edge.
 

cornishman

The Coder
Staff member
SERIES 8

1984 - 6 Programmes 1 Special

Special - THE LOXLEY LOZENGE.
Wesley needs some assistance, but fancy asking our trio for help!!
After being thrown out of the cafe because Ivy thinks Foggy eats earwigs, they go to the pub where Wesley tells them he's found a rare "Loxley Lozenge" - which Foggy thinks is a type of cough sweet. Wesley takes them to this old barn where they discover that the Lozenge is an old car, but all that is left is the chassis, so they have an old sofa to sit on. The first attempt to move the car ends in disaster when the tow rope snaps, so they try again. All seems to be going well until the sofa they are sitting on parts company with the chassis and rolls off down the hill, stopping briefly next to an artist who is painting the view.

1.THE MYSTERIOUS FEET OF NORA BATTY
During a conversation Foggy comments that Nora has big feet, Compo disagrees so they need an expert witness. They kidnap Wally and take him to the pub but he gets the wrong ideas and thinks they are after one of his pigeons. In the cafe they manage to ask him about Nora's feet but Ivy throws them out when Compo puts his welly on the table. Back at Nora's Foggy tries to make Wally imagine what Nora looks like at night, but this only ends up with Compo getting excited, so he decides they should compare their own feet with Nora's, but she catches them and tells Wally off for looking at her feet. Finally, Foggy gets a shoe sizer from the shoe shop which they attach to long poles so that they can reach her without her knowing, but as she steps on it they all fall in the river.

2.KEEPING BRITAIN TIDY.
On a stroll through the hills our trio come across an old mattress on the roadside so Foggy decides to instigate 'The Dewhurst Campaign for a Cleaner Countryside'. Whilst trying to move the mattress Compo ends up underneath it. Along comes Ogden Butterclough (the demon insurance salesman) who nearly runs Compo over. They talk him into helping them move the mattress but they knock a man off his bike, who in return punctures one of the tyres on Ogden's car. Because Ogden thinks he's left his spare wheel with "a certain lady at no.22 The Crescent" they take him into town to get his puncture mended. Calling at the cafe they find Milburn, a nephew of Ivy's, who is built like a brick outhouse and prefers to be called 'Crusher'. Leaving the wheel on the floor where Ivy falls over it they then have to race round to Wally's to see if he will give them a lift back up the hill on his motorbike and sidecar, but as Nora won't let him they have to walk back up the hill. Back at the car they fix the mattress to the roof rack and whilst getting in they find the spare wheel which Ogden thought he'd left with a certain lady who shall be nameless. On the move the mattress flops over the windscreen and as Compo climbs on top of the car to fix it the car runs away resulting in Compo being left up a tree and the car in a ditch.

3.ENTER THE PHANTOM
Being nearly knocked down by a group of men on track bikes gives Foggy the idea of changing Compo's image by turning him into "THE PHANTOM". After doing up an old moped Foggy takes Compo to get some racing leathers -but from Crusher111 Next they meet up with Wally to find out when he's taking Nora out so that Compo can impress her on his racing machine. First, Compo has to learn how to 'ride it and when Foggy has attached a flag -off he goes --straight into a barn. Now he practices wheelies but he and the bike end up on top of Foggy. Its now time to impress Nora as she's having a picnic with Wally by a lake, but he wets tier through when he and the bike end up in the water.

4. CATCHING DIGBY'S DONKEY
Whilst walking up on the hills Foggy spots Digby trying to catch his donkey. In the pub our trio come across Ormeroyd, a man who will fight anybody for a quid, but unfortunately for him Digby accepts the challenge. After a slight scuffle outside between Ormeroyd and Digby, Foggy tells Digby that they will catch his donkey for him. First of all Foggy tempts the donkey with a carrot but ends up having his fingers bitten. Back at the cafe Pearl is looking for Howard and Wally is in trouble with Nora again. Whilst crawling through the grass our trio come across Howard and Marina doing a tango. In a final attempt to catch the donkey our trio lassoo it whilst riding a bike, but Foggy ends up being dragged through the field.

5. THE WOOLLEN MILLS OF YOUR MINDWhilst at the cafe Compo tells Foggy and Clegg that he's worried about Nora. He feels that she is neglected and to cheer he up he decides to enter the local marathon, - but then, how did Crusher get a splinter in the back of his neck? Foggy thinks Compo needs needs to go into training up on the hills, but Compo's knees give way so they hang him upside down in a tree with the inevitable consequences. Later that evening our trio go for a drink and on the way home they run into Howard and Marina down an alley. Calling at Nora's house Compo tells her that he won't be entering the marathon, and after he sings her a song she throws a bucket of water over him.

6. WHO'S LOOKING AFTER THE CAFE THEN?
On a stroll over the hills our trio accept a lift back to town from Wesley. Arriving at the cafe they find Ivy very agitated on account she has to go out and is waiting for a Mr. Crabtree who's coming to look after the cafe in her absence. Unfortunately he gets knocked down crossing the road, so Foggy volunteers to run the cafe, but Ivy says "NO". He waits until she has gone before taking charge. Wally, meanwhile, is having to buy a new suit under the watchful eye of Nora. Back at the cafe the first customer arrives and Foggy and Compo fight over him. They go to prepare a ham salad complete with thumb print and caterpillar. One of the things Ivy told Crusher to do while she was away was to clean the paintwork over the shop window.
 

cornishman

The Coder
Staff member
1985 SPECIAL.
UNCLE OF THE BRIDE.
Rosemary [the post lady with the biggest round] delivers parcels to Compo and Clegg. When opened they find decorated eggs from Foggy, who has gone to Bridlington to inherit his uncle's business.
They decide to give the eggs to Wesley and Edie's daughter Glenda as her wedding present, so they go to deliver them. Wesley is just off to take his brother-in-law's washing back to him, so they go along for the ride. Wesley's brother-in-law turns out to be Seymour Utterthwaite, a man who used to run his own school and who likes inventing things, as they find out when he nearly runs them over with his self-propelled wheelbarrow.
Mean-while, Wally is taking Nora in the motorbike and sidecar for a picnic when they find a whippet. Nora says he can't have it so he smuggles it back under his coat. We next meet the bride and groom Glenda and Barry, who thinks he has a wheel bearing gone, and who Seymour volunteers to fight Compo after he insults him whilst they are at Wesley's borrowing a socket set. Making their way back to Seymour's they come across a man on a mobile scaffold, but when Seymour interferes the man ends up in the canal. At Edie's house the ladies are putting the finishing touches to Glenda's wedding dress when Marina arrives with her gift....a frilly garter.
It's time for Barry's stag night so off they go to the White Horse pub where, as the night goes on, they get more and more drunk. Seymour gives Barry a present of an electronic remote control, but when Compo plays with it all the electricity in the pub goes off and they get thrown out. In the car park they find Howard who is teaching Marina the difference between cross-ply and radial tyres. Barry says that his ambition is to run across the moors barefoot, so off they go. The big day arrives but nobody knows where Barry is. Edie sends Wesley to look for him and he meets Wally with his whippet trying to walk the squeak out of his boots. Barry isn't lost - he's stuck down a pothole after his midnight run, and to get him out Seymour uses Compo as a ladder. Wesley eventually finds them and gives them a lift back to Seymour's house. After Wesley has gone home they find that Barry has hurt his leg, so Clegg has to drive Barry's car, but reverses into a duckpond. At the church all the guests are arriving, including Milburn who helps Marina after the strap on her shoe snaps - that is until his Auntie Ivy catches him. Wally turns up with his whippet at the same time as Nora, but she says he can keep it as long as he looks after it. Finally, our trio arrive with the groom in Seymour's wheel-barrow which crashes into the churchyard wall, and during the ceremony expl?des, which brings out the fire brigade.

SERIES 9 -1986 12 programmes 1 special.

Special MERRY CHRISTMAS FATHER CHRISTMAS.
Marina asks Clegg to deliver a Christmas present to Howard because she thinks he can do it without Pearl finding out --she's wrong. On their way to the pub they see a man dressed as Father Christmas riding a bike. This upsets Seymour because he likes a traditional Christmas where Father Christmas appears on a roof. [Guess who has to be Father Christmas? Enlisting the help of Wesley and Barry they have their first attempt to get Compo on a roof. To keep him balanced they use a 'Thingummy' (a long pole with padding at the end) but he slips and slides down the pole. The ladies are talking outside Nora Batty's when Compo appears on a roof opposite and does a song and dance, but he slips again and this time takes a chimney pot with him.

1. WHY DOES NORMAN CLEGG BUY LADIES ELASTIC STOCKINGS?
Howard wants Clegg to deliver a note to Marina at the supermarket, but this is easier said than done. Whilst he's trying not to look suspicious he has to buy a lot of things which include ladies elastic stockings. Compo and Clegg arrive at Seymour's and discover he's invented a go-anywhere drill which needs to be tried out, so Compo takes it on a test drive. Seymour decides they will drill for oil after seeing some floating on his duckpond, but they end up drilling through a water main.

2. THE HEAVILY REINFORCED BOTTOM.
Seymour decides Compo needs to go on a fitness regime after he hears him wheezing whilst they are out walking. At the cafe they see Crusher with a canoe and it gives Seymour an idea. He asks Wesley to make them a canoe, but before Compo can try it out he has to get fit. He sets off jogging but soon gives up and gets a lift on the back of a lorry. They carry the canoe down to the canal for Compo's first attempt at canoeing but he drops straight through the bottom, so they go back to Wesley's to get it repaired. At the next attempt, when Compo refuses to step into the canoe, they get Wesley and his crane to lower the canoe and Compo into the canal. This time Wesley has made it too heavy and Compo disappears into the water again.

3. DRIED DATES AND CODFANGLERS.
On a visit to the cafe they find Crusher bragging about mending his Auntie Ivy's mixer, but when she switches it on she gets covered in batter, so Seymour offers to fix it. Wally, mean-while, is getting a tongue-lashing from Nora because he's taken her carpet ·shampooer to Seymour's to be mended. Arriving at Seymour's they find he has invented a new door lock an_d he asks Compo and Clegg to show him their keys. On emptying his pockets Compo finds something but can't remember what it is, so he throws it in the pond. Suddenly realising what it was (a dried date that Nora once threw at him) they have to try and find it. They are interrupted by Howard and Marina who have got their bicycles locked together. Seymour now demonstrates his new door device, but even.with the codeword 'Codfanglers' it won't open. Crusher and Wally turn up asking for the mixer and carpet shampooer, and Howard and Marina ask how they are going to get home. They all get a lift in Crusher's car, all except for Compo who is towed behind riding the two bikes.

3. DRIED DATES AND CODFANGLERS.
On a visit to the cafe they find Crusher bragging about mending his Auntie Ivy's mixer, but when she switches it on she gets covered in batter, so Seymour offers to fix it. Wally, mean-while, is getting a tongue-lashing from Nora because he's taken her carpet ·shampooer to Seymour's to be mended. Arriving at Seymour's they find he has invented a new door lock an_d he asks Compo and Clegg to show him their keys.
On emptying his pockets Compo finds something but can't remember what it is, so he throws it in the pond. Suddenly realising what it was (a dried date that Nora once threw at him) they have to try and find it. They are interrupted by Howard and Marina who have got their bicycles locked together. Seymour now demonstrates his new door device, but even.with the codeword 'Codfanglers' it won't open. Crusher and Wally turn up asking for the mixer and carpet shampooer, and Howard and Marina ask how they are going to get home. They all get a lift in Crusher's car -all except for Compo who is towed behind riding the two bikes. Seymour invents a‚ really masculine purse.' Calling at his house to make the purse, Seymour is still having problems with his voice-operated door lock, even though he's changed the codeword to 'Marjorie', so Compo still gets shoved through the pantry window. The purse is now ready to be tested by Compo, but because it has to be strapped to the ankle it won't fit over his wellies. They go to see Wally Batty and borrow his squeaky boots. Having to ??? his leg to get at the purse they get thrown off a bus after Compo has caught the conductor 'in an unauthorised place'. They also get thrown out of the cafe when Compo startles Ivy.

5. WHO'S FEELING EJECTED THEN?
Seymour tries his hand at motor safety and builds an ejector seat. After a visit to the cafe they call at Wesley's house to get a lift to Seymour's, but because they can't all fit into the car they strap the ejector seat and Compo to the roof, but unfortunately he falls off when the car runs over a pothole. As Compo keeps hurting himself every time he's thrown into the air they try to catch him on a mattress -but they miss. When they try the seat on a moving vehicle they stuff Compo with foam rubber and strap him to the seat. Off he goes, but when they try to eject him Compo is left sitting on the seat in the middle of a field whilst Barry, who is driving, disappears through a hole in the wall.

6. THE ICE-CREAM MAN COMETH.
After a discussion about ice cream they go to the cafe where Compo complains about his bad back. Seymour says he has the answer -the Utterthwaite back support --which turns out to be a bit of old rubber which is inflated, so at Seymour's house Compo tries it on. They dis-cover that it leaks, so off they go to Wesley's to get it mended. On the way they meet Barry and Glenda who are going for a picnic, and they get a lift. Compo's support starts leaking again leaving Barry and Glenda wondering where the noise is coming from. On reaching Wesley's they find he has built them their mobile ice cream business [a bicycle with fridge attachment] so they set off to sell ice cream. As usual it all goes wrong when the brakes fail and Compo ends up colliding into Howard and Marina's bicycles.

7. SET THE PEOPLE FREE.
Howard and Wally are both confined to the house, as usual. Howard is cleaning the windows and Wally is decorating. Seymour says he can get them both out of their houses, so they call at Seymour's where Compo gets pushed through the pantry window yet again because the door lock still doesn't work. Next its on to Clegg's where Seymour says the that easiest way to get Howard out is to call for him. Seymour goes to Howard's house but ends up with his face covered in emulsion, courtesy of Pearl. They try to get Howard out by using a ladder on the back of Wesley's landrover, but when they put it up to the back bedroom wind0w Pearl catches them. They try to get Wally out whilst Compo distracts Nora. They get him into a dinghy but it all goes wrong when the dinghy springs a leak and they all end up in the river.

8. GO WITH THE FLOW.
After Clegg has had a religious experience with two young missionaries Seymour takes Compo and Clegg to the vicarage to prove that religion is part of everyday life. Whilst at the vicarage he volunteers his help and ends up having to sell tickets for the local production of "The Tales of Beatrix Potter". At the pub Seymour.tries selling tickets but ends up being thrown out by the customers. Up on the hills Seymour is feeling depressed, but Compo tells him not to worry about it and to‚ Go with the flow' and take the tickets back. Back at the vicarage they find Ivy and Nora making costumes, and in order to impress them Compo says HE will sell the tickets -and he does -dressed as a mouse.

9. JAWS.
The trio call at the local engineer's to pick up a special order Seymour is having made. It turns out to be a waste disposal unit for Edie, which Wesley has to install. Calling for a drink they encounter Eli, for the first time, having trouble playing darts, so they decide to sit outside where its safer. Wally Batty turns up and Eli asks him to stay for a drink, but Wally is supposed to get back with a clothes line for Nora, so Compo changes places with him. Back at Edie's and its time to test the waste disposal unit, and much to everyone's surprise it works. Compo, disguised as Wally, is helping Nora to put her washing out, but when they go inside she soon discovers who it really is. Finally, Edie tries out her waste disposal unit again but it backfires, sending rubbish all over her windows.

10. EDIE AND THE AUTOMOBILE.
The whole town is on alert because Edie is having a driving lesson with Wesley. The trio are nearly knocked down by her on their way to the cafe where Crusher is dealing with a wobbly table leg. N the cafe Wesley enters in a trance after the lesson, so Glenda volunteers Barry, but he ends up just the same as Wesley. Seymour decides to take charge, but not being able to drive.he needs a qualified driver -so they go to collect Wally. Nora can't find Wally and goes round the town looking for him. Wally soon gives up on the driving lesson, so its Clegg's turn, but when they see how nervous he is they all decide to walk home.

11. WIND POWER.
Seymour decides to teach Compo and Clegg about mind over matter, so while out walking he demonstrates by sitting next to the river in just his shirt sleeves, but they end up having to take him to the cafe to thaw out. Back at his house Seymour has ideas about using wind power and volunteers Compo to test his theories. They end up putting him on roller skates, but first he gets carried along by a group of cyclists, and then is surrounded by a herd of cows. Calling in for a pint Clegg tells Seymour and Compo about the first yorkshireman to discover America [Wigglesworth]. Back at Seymour's Compo has to test the roller sl<ates again, but this time with a sail on his back. Trying to impress Nora who's out with Wally in the motorbike and sidecar, he ends up running off the road.

12. WHEN YOU TAKE A GOOD BITE YORKSHIRE TASTES TERRIBLE.
Clegg receives sad news today. An old friend of their's (Bill Henry) has died in America so he goes to tell everyone. First he tells Howard and Pearl, then Nora and Wally where Compo borrows a black armband, and finally Edie and Wesley. Whilst at Wesley's Clegg decides that as they missed the funeral they should pay tribute to Bill Henry by doing 'the three pubs'. This entails cycling twelve miles and drinking nine pints. On their way to the first pub Clegg tells Compo and Seymour that he and Bill Henry used to walk along a gate when they were younger. Clegg tries this again but falls off leaving himself with a mouthful of dirt. On the way to the next pub Seymour suggests they should cycle in formation, but when they try it they collide together, leaving Clegg thinking that Bill Henry's ghost is behind all the mishaps. Clegg next says that he and Bill Henry used to climb a tree, but after several attempts they manage
it only to be left sitting on a branch after their rope ladder drops down.
 

cornishman

The Coder
Staff member
Special -1987
BIG DAY AT DREAM ACRES.
Everybody is going to the garden party at 'Dream Acres'. Ivy is doing the catering and Seymour is providing the public address system. Because the system is mobile Compo {who's just had his trousers mended by Seymour) has to carry the speakers.
Mean-while, there is a tramp in the area and when he comes across Clegg's bicycle he rides off on it, passing the trio on his way. Unfortunately he gets knocked off the bike by a car being driven by a trilby at !! and this allows the trio to catch up with him. Pretending to be injured the tramp tells Clegg that he was taking the bike to the police station. Being gullible he believes him, so they take the tramp to the 'Butcher's Arms' to recover. Nora, who's going to be a waitress, is going with Crusher in his car to 'Dream Acres' to deliver things for the garden party. On the way they have a puncture which leaves Crusher covered in oil.
The tramp spins them a sob story about coming from a wealthy family, then he shows them where he used to live -which turns out to be 'Dream Acres'. He tells them he has returned to see his childhood pet donkey, Heathcliffe. After getting them to swap it for another donkey because he knows Heathcliffe is the favourite for the donkey derby and hopes to make money by betting against it. The time for the garden party arrives, but in order to smuggle the donkey in they recruit Howard who has bought himself a van, but they can't move the donkey and have to get Crusher to carry it. Pearl, who's all dressed up, is looking for Howard and when she hears a noise coming from Howard's van she thinks he's in there with Marina. The trio now find out what the tramp is up to and decide to swap the donkeys back again, but to avoid being seen Compo dresses as a jockey, borrowing.Marina's blouse [she's the fortune teller] but the don-key won't budge. They enlist the help of Eli to move the donkey but he strays into the house and the donkey wrecks all the rooms. Seymour gets Compo and Clegg dressed as a pantomime horse in order to move the donkey, but it runs off dragging Compo behind it. When he finally returns they find the tramp again who informs them that everyone is after him because the favourite won the donkey derby due to Crusher moving the wrong donkey.

Series 1O -1988 6 programmes 1 special.

1. THE EXPERIMENT.
After being held upside down by Seymour and Clegg, Compo wants to know why the blood rushes to his head. At the cafe they find Nora has a part-time job helping Ivy, but they get thrown out when Ivy thinks they are looking for an ant which Nora thought she saw earlier. To help Compo stand on his head, and to show him how the blood moves about his body, Seymour straps him to a ladder but when its hoisted up Compo slides down it. Seymour decides to show them himself how the experiment works by getting Compo and Clegg to hang him upside down, but when the rope slips he's left hanging high in the air, much to the surprise of Mrs. Cornwall-Harris who is looking for him.

2. THE TREASURE OF THE DEEP.
After playing a practical joke Compo falls into the canal so they go to the launderette to get his clothes dried. When the machine starts making a noise they discover what Seymour thinks is a piece of Georgian silver amongst Compo's clothes. Back at the canal Seymour tells Compo and Clegg that the silver could be part of a burglary that was dumped in the canal, but to look for it they need a plastic bucket for Wesley to fit with a glass bottom. Off they go to Nora Batty's to borrow a bucket. Using the bucket to look into the canal they all end up wet when someone throws in an old mattress. Seymour has Wesley making him an underwater exploration vehicle (two old oil drums welded together), but guess who has to pilot it? Setting off to discover more treasure Compo comes across Howard and Marina in a rowing boat, but when Howard sees a periscope he thinks it is Pearl which makes him start the boat rocking and causing him and Marina to fall into the canal. Wesley gets interested in what they are looking for, and when Seymour shows him the silver Wesley informs him that it is only part of a lavatory ballcock.

3. DANCING FEET.
The trio are helping Wesley with his car, or to be more precise they are giving him a push. Stopping for a break Compo asks where you get hard skin from. Pushing
the car again they come across a tractor in the road so Seymour connects a tow rope to it.
Unfortunately the driver doesn't hear them and after turning into a field he turns on his crop sprayer covering the in **????**. After getting cleaned up they call at Charlie's shop to see if he has anything for Compo's hard skin. Charlie advises them to go and see old Betsy Trumfleet [a gypsy healer]. Once there she fills Compo's wellies with herbal jelly, but when they get to the cafe he finds that it has melted. Calling at the church service they go on to the church social for a meal, but when Compo goes to collect his raffle prize his wellies start steaming.

4. THAT CERTAIN SMILE.
A visit to the hospital to see Clem Hemingway [Smiler] is on the cards. Before going in to see him they buy him a present, but Seymour doesn't want to spend much [50p] so they buy a plastic keyring. Finding him on the ward in his usual miserable manner, Clem tells them that he is missing his little dog [Bess], so they decide to smuggle the dog into the hospital to cheer him up. Because the dog snaps at everybody Seymour decides to give it a sedative and go to Barry and Glenda's to borrow one. Having given the sedative to the dog they put it up Compo's jumper in order to get it into the hospital unseen. On seeing his little dog Clem does cheer up, but Marina overhears them talking behind a screen and thinks they are doctors performing a birth. Smuggling the dog out again they meet Nora and Edie who are shocked when the dog's tail appears through Compo's trousers. Whilst they are taking the dog home it chases all the passengers off the bus.

5. DOWNHILL RACER.
Calling at the cafe after riding a pine tree on Clegg's bike, Seymour tells Compo and Clegg that good exercise for the legs is skiing, but with a difference -they will use trays instead of skis. Up on the hills Howard and Marina, who are having a cuddle are suddenly surprised when the trio come clumping past wearing their trays and looking for a steep slope. Their first attempt ends with them in a heap at the bottom of a hill, so Seymour invents the 'Utterthwaite Ski' which is really and old bicycle fitted with skis and attached by rope to Wesley's landrover. Seymour talks Compo into testing his ski by saying that it will impress Nora Batty, so down the hill he flies dressed in red longjohns and a lady's corset. When the rope tightens Compo falls off and lands in Nora's arms.

6. THE DAY OF THE WELSH FERRET.
Both Seymour and Clegg are surprised when they arrive at Compo's house and find him dressed in a suit. Well, they're off to Old Jonesy's funeral and on the way Compo calls at the allotments to pick up Taffy his welsh ferret. Arriving at Jonesy's house to pay their respects they find, amongst others, Wesley in a suit, Howard in a tight collar and Barry, who before he dies would like to stroke a penguin. With the ferret under his hat Compo looks for somewhere to keep it until after the funeral, but when it escapes they think its got into the coffin. Compo spots it in the bookcase and so puts it in his pocket. At the service the ferret tries to escape again leaving Compo wriggling about. Later, at the pub where they are having a drink in respect of Old Jones, the ferret escapes again and takes refuge in the pool table.

Special -CRUMS.
Seymour, Compo and Clegg are dressed as Father Christ masses to collect money for charity. After several attempts at collecting they come across Wesley and Barry who are moving Glenda's Christmas present --a water bed. Out collecting again they find there is a bogus Father Christmas, who when eventually cornered turns out to be Howard. He tells them that he's dressed up so that he can see Marina who is the Good Fairy at the Christmas Grotto.
His excuse to Pearl is that he's helping a relative of his [Auntie Wainwright] who has had a premonition that she is going to be burgled, so Seymour volunteers them to help her. Calling at her shop they meet the infamous Auntie Wainwright who manages to sell Compo a stuffed parrot, Clegg a toy train and Seymour a doll. Giving them a cup of tea [at 1Op each] she enlists their help with her window blind which causes all sorts of problems. Christmas Eve arrives and Nora and Ivy are reminiscing about their husbands. Seymour, Compo and Clegg arrive at Auntie Wainwright's for their night vigil where she offers them a Christmas drink which turns out to be castor oil.
Wesley and Barry call at the shop to collect the trio to help move the water bed, but because they can't all fit in the cab of Wesley's vehicle, Seymour, Compo, Clegg and Barry sit on the water bed in the back but it makes them feel seasick. Returning to Auntie Wainwright's they find the place in darkness, but when they get inside they find all the ladies and a surprise Christmas party. Outside the shop Marina wants Howard to kiss her and make the earth move and bells ring -well, it does when the shop blind falls on them and the church bells start ringing. Finally, Glenda asks Barry what he's bought her for Christmas and as he looks up at her he sees a damp patch on the ceiling and water drips
onto his glasses.
 

cornishman

The Coder
Staff member
SERIES 11 -1989 7 programmes 1 special.

1. COME BACK JACK HARRY TEESDALE.
Whilst out walking our trio get a lift from Jack Harry Teesdale and his wife, a lady who seems to spend most of her time eating handkerchiefs. They go for a pint and discuss what could be wrong with Mrs. Teesdale, and not reaching any conclusion they go to ask her. She tells them that she gets upset every time they come back from caravanning because she can't direct the caravan into the driveway. The ladies, meanwhile, are discussing Howard and Marina after taking Pearl to church to see if the power of religion can help her. Finding Jack Harry at the pub, Seymour tells him that he will help him to get his caravan into the drive, but after his calculations the caravan ends up in the drive next door. After more attempts (one of which nearly gets Seymour run over) Jack Harry gives up and goes back to the pub, narrowly missing Nora and Ivy on the way.

2. THE KISS AND MAVIS POSKIT
Compo tells Seymour and Clegg that he is going to give Nora a great big kiss. Whilst at the cafe he decides to practise on Ivy, but she hits him with a tray. They meet Nora who's with Edie and Glenda and they suddenly drag Clegg away, leaving Compo and Seymour wonder-ing what is going on. They eventually find Clegg at his house where he tells them that the ladies are trying to fix him up with Mavis Poskitt (a timid woman he once knew at school). He says that Nora is calling back to collect him and this gives Compo an idea. Forcing her way in to Clegg's house, Nora thinks that Clegg is cowering in bed, but she gets a shock when it turns out to be Compo. The trio decide to enlist the help of Howard and Marina who pretends that Clegg has left his boxer shorts at her house. This shocks Mavis and the other ladies at the cafe, but Clegg is shocked too when Marina tells him that she would like to see him in a pair of boxer shorts.

3. OH SHUT UP AND EAT YOUR CHOC ICE.
Up on the hills they find a bale of hay which Compo says holds a rat because he can smell boot polish -black. Climbing on top to see if they can smell it too they are observed by a minibus full of Japanese tourists. Seymour says that the bale of hay is in a dangerous place so they decide to move it, but it runs away from them and nearly smashes into Wesley and Barry who are driving past in Wesley's three-wheeler. Trying to push the bale of hay back up the hill it runs over Barry, so they all go to Wesley's to collect a length of rope. Borrowing Wesley's three-wheeler, Seymour allows Compo to drive and when he sees Nora, Pearl and Ivy waiting for a bus he offers them a lift. On the way they meet Eli who thinks Clegg [who is sat on Seymour's knee] is a child, and he gives him some money for a choc ice. Returning to the hills they find Howard sitting by a wall, but what they don't see is Marina sitting at the other side. On reaching the bale of hay Compo tows it back up the hill with the three-wheeler but, unfortunately, it rolls on past dragging him and the car downhill, narrowly missing Howard and Marina, but its not all bad for Compo as Nora thinks he's injured and feels his pulse.

4. WHO'S THAT BLOKE WITH NORA BATTY THEN?
Compo is wondering where Nora Batty is going on a Wednesday all dressed up and not a wrinkle in sight. Calling at the cafe he asks Ivy, but as she doesn't know she phones Edie who in turn phones Pearl. Taking him for a pint Compo sees Nora with a man, so to calm him down Seymour and Clegg take him to Clegg's for a cup of tea. Compo decides he's going to change his image in order to impress Nora, so Seymour suggests he takes up some sort of sport. First he dresses in a bathing costume, but when Nora sees him she thinks he looks ridiculous. Seymour then suggests he should try windsurfing, but because they don't have a surf-board they use an ironing board. Whilst Compo is being pulled across the water on the surfboard by Wesley with a tow-rope, Barry asks why he's doing it. They tell him about Nora but he tells them that the man she is seeing is his uncle Eric, who is trying to get agents to sell Christmas hampers.

5. HAPPY ANNIVERSARY GOUGH AND JESSIE.
They are off to a Golden Wedding anniversary, but what is Compo going to wear? Calling at the pub they meet Eli who solves their problem by offering to lend Compo a suit, but this turns out to be bright blue. At the party Howard wants Clegg to pass a note to Marina and the men discuss Gough. They decide that after 50 years of marriage he should have a break, so they smuggle him out and take him for a drink. The ladies are also discussing Gough and Jessie. Ivy thinks that holding hands is a bit excessive, and Nora says that Gough is the wrong age for two trifles. As Gough isn't used to drinking he soon gets drunk, so after trying to sober him up by taking him for a walk they leave him outside another pub in a skip whilst they have a drink. Unfortunately, the skip - and Gough - are collected and driven away. Back at the party the ladies are outside, wondering where the men are, as Gough goes past in the skip with a traffic cone on his head and singing "The Little Yorkshire Rose". All the men are chasing behind but beat a hasty retreat when they see the ladies.

6. GETTING BARRY HIGHER IN THE WORLD.
Out walking they are talking about the games they played when they were younger, and when they notice a kite Compo says he would like to try flying one again. Having made one themselves they try to get it to fly, but to no avail, despite conning Howard and Marina into helping them. Seymour then asks Wesley to make one for them, but he makes it in metres instead of feet and inches. At the ladies' coffee morning they are talking about Barry with Edie saying that he needed more 'drive'. She asks Seymour to have a word with him, but all he does is get him involved with in flying the kite. On their first attempt they hold the kite while Barry runs with the string, but he falls over, so they hold the string and Barry runs with the kite but falls over again, twisting his ankle. "We need more speed" says Wesley, so they use a vehicle to pull the kite. Suddenly, it shoots up in the air with Barry hanging on just at the time the ladies are driving by. Watching him flying over they hear the men shouting "Are you holding it properly, Barry".

7.THREE MEN AND A MANGLE.
Compo thinks it must be his birthday when Nora invites him into her bedroom. After dressing up in his striped blazer he discovers that all she wants him for is to move an old mangle to Sammy Peter's place. Howard is showing Seymour and Clegg various disguises, but Pearl catches him. At the cafe Seymour says he wants nothing to do with moving the mangle, but when he watches Compo and Clegg "making a bog of it" he goes to help, ending up with his tie caught in the rollers. Needing a rope to pull the mangle on a trolley Compo pinches Nora's washing line, which she discovers when she tries to hang out her washing and falls over. To save time and energy they haul the mangle up onto a viaduct, but when the police see them they let go of the rope and the mangle drops through the roof of their panda car. Calling for a pint they meet Eli and his brother who tow them and the mangle with their car. When the tow rope snaps they end up in a ditch where Seymour manages to get his tie caught in the rollers
again.

Special -WHAT'S SANTA BROUGHT FOR NORA THEN?
Compo is doing something he hasn't done for a long time -he's working. Actually, he is trying to earn some money to buy Nora a Christmas present by giving a show with his 'per-forming ferrets'. Calling at the cafe dressed as a jockey Ivy tells him that he can't bring his ferrets inside, so he asks Barry [who's just passing] to watch them whilst he has a cup of tea. Wesley also asks Barry to watch out for the traffic warden as he's parked on a yellow line. Edie, Glenda, Howard and Pearl call at Auntie Wainwright's to pick up her contribution for the Christmas party. They have all been baking, so she reluctantly gives them the whole six!! At Compo's show pandemonium breaks out when the ferrets escape, leaving the audience stand-ing on their seats. Later, going shopping for Nora's present, he finds he can't afford things like perfume or earrings, so they go for a pint. Christmas Eve arrives and on their way to Clegg's house Compo and Seymour see Howard decorating his Christmas tree, but when Compo taps on the window Howard is startled and falls into the tree. Clegg tells Compo that there is one place still open where he could buy Nora a Christmas present -Auntie Wainwright's. Off they go to her shop where she sells him a fancy hat. Calling at the pub the hat gets mistaken for a vase of flowers and gets watered by the landlady, so they go to Clegg's to dry it out. Howard tries to get a present to Marina by hanging it on a fishing line out of an upstairs window, but Pearl surprises him so he has to ask Clegg to look after it for him. Compo now remembers about the hat which is drying in Clegg's oven, but when he takes it out he finds it all burnt. Everyone is now at the Christmas party and Compo gives Nora a present which happens to be the one Howard was to give to Marina. This turns out to be fancy underwear which earns Compo a bang on the head with a tray.
 

cornishman

The Coder
Staff member
SERIES 12 - 10 programmes 1 special.

1. RETURN OF THE WARRIOR.

Our story begins with Compo and Clegg helping Seymour with his luggage as he is off to take up the post of relief headmaster. Calling for a pint whilst waiting for the bus they inform Seymour that he can't beat small children anymore. This upsets him as he thinks that is what small children are there for. After seeing Seymour off they go to the cafe where Ivy soon gets fed up with them and throws them out, so Compo decides to go and irritate Nora. Meanwhile, back at the bus station, guess who steps off a bus .... ? Its Foggy .... who has decided to move back, but spends most of the time just missing Compo and Clegg, but catches up with them at the bus station. After a drink at the pub, where a man falls over Foggy's luggage, they borrow Eli's bike to transport the luggage. When Foggy comes up with the idea of riding the bike complete with the luggage it goes out of control, ending up in the back of a removal van.

2. COME IN SUNRAY MAJOR.
Our trio are walking up on the hills today but Compo and Clegg are soon fed up and sneak away, leaving Foggy marching on thinking they are still there. He eventually catches up with them at the pub. Its here he comes up with the idea of using port-able radios to keep in touch in case they get lost. After a couple of mishaps and getting Wesley to repair the radios, they are off into the hills again to test them. Compo falls down a hill and one of the radios gets crushed. Howard and Marina appear on the scene and help Compo and Clegg to make Foggy think the radio got damaged when Compo threw himself in front of Marina's runaway bicycle.

3. THE CHARITY BALLS.
Compo, Clegg and Foggy cannot understand why Jack Harry Teesdale is wearing a pair of shorts. In the cafe he explains that he is taking part in a 'Sponsored Dribble' for charity. Foggy decides that Compo and Clegg could do it too, but their practice is cut short when Foggy gets hit by Compo's welly. After Compo and Clegg are kitted out in football gear its off to the sponsored dribble. Foggy's walking stick gets savaged by a dog whilst he is trying to retrieve the ball from a garden, so they call for a pint and meet up with Eli. Meanwhile, Jack Harry and his partner -Howard- are dribbling a ball, when Howard pretends to twist an ankle so that he can go to the first aid caravan which is manned by Marina. He makes a miraculous recovery when Pearl and the other ladies turn up. After retrieving their ball from a pond our trio meet up again with Eli who thinks that he has found his dog, but he hasn't ....... !


4. WALKING STIFF CAN MAKE YOU FAMOUS.
Foggy wants to be remembered as somebody famous, so after a walk where he frightens a horse with his walking stick, they go to the pub where he comes up with the idea of bicycle polo.
Off they go to Wesley's to ask him to make them some polo mallets, then on to Foggy's house where he changes into a pair of jodhpurs, which amuses Compo and Clegg. Whilst having a practice session they end up colliding with each other. After a cup of tea at the cafe they go back to Wesley's for some protective gear (lumps of foam rubber) then off they go again to play polo. On the way they avoid Eli walking in the road, and Foggy ends up getting wet by a garden sprinkler at the local garden centre.

5. THAT'S NOT CAPTAIN ZERO.
Our trio are off walking and discussing the garden party they are going to when they meet the main attraction .... Captain Zero - the Human Cannonball, whose van has broken down. Whilst waiting for Wesley to come and fix the van they take Captain Zero (real name Clutterbuck) to the local pub. They are thrown out after standing on the tables rehearsing Captain Zero's act. Getting a lift from Wesley they return to the. cannon (which they had unhooked from the van to make it easier to push) but Cap-tain Zero gets arrested by two policemen for being drunk. Foggy volunteers Compo to be Captain Zero, which he enjoys to start off with as he gets to go round kissing all the ladies. He then has to be fired out of the cannon which, as usual, goes wrong, leaving him with his underwear smouldering.

6. DAS [WELLY] BOOT.
Ivy is in a state at the cafe because her catering toaster has packed up. Foggy decides to mend it for her, and much to everyone's surprise it works. Out walking, the three come across an old boat which Foggy decides he will restore, even though Wesley does all the work. Sitting in the pub Foggy tells Compo and Clegg that they could use the boat as a water taxi. (Meanwhile, back at the cafe Ivy's toaster blows up). When they get to Wesley's to collect the boat they find he's fitted it with an engine, which he's taken out of Barry's car, but when they put it in the water it sinks. Eventually they get the boat onto the water where Compo says he would like to get Nora Batty aboard. Foggy comes up with the idea that if he pretends to be ill Compo can save Nora by jumping onto the boat. Unfortunately, whilst practising he goes straight through the bottom of the boat ... and it sinks!

7. THE EMPIRE THAT FOGGY NEARLY BUILT.
On their way to the cafe our trio come across two motorists arguing over a parking space, so Foggy steps in to stop them. He ends up being dumped in a litter bin, so they go off to Wesley's to get him cut free. Foggy realises that there is money to be made out of parking spaces so, enlisting Wesley's help--again, they drive around looking for them. When they do find a place they come across Howard and Marina who are "looking at industrial ruins". The trouble is the parking space is a long way from town, so Foggy now suggests, valet Parking'. When they do eventually get a customer it all goes wrong when Clegg (who doesn't like driving) ends up running into the back of a bus.

8. THE LAST SURVIVING MAURICE CHEVALIER IMPRESSION.
Compo is depressed because he thinks he has lost his sexual magnetism, so Foggy decides to make him famous, after Compo says he can do a Maurice Chevalier impression. Collecting a suit from the local Oxfam shop, Foggy says he'll get Compo onto TV to impress Nora, so they go off to the television studios. At the studios Compo sends Foggy and Clegg back to make sure Nora is watching TV. All seems to be going well with the impression -Compo singing to Nora "You must have been a beautiful baby" when his lucky ferret comes out of his trousers and causes uproar in the studios.

9. ROLL ON.
The day begins with Nora putting her milk bottles out and discovering Compo, in his underwear, mending his trousers, and Clegg finding Howard struggling with a double bass!! At the cafe they find Ivy in a bad mood (surprise, surprise) because she's not doing the catering for the 'Barrel Rolling'. Foggy volunteers the three of them for the barrel rolling, but they must do some training first. Off they go jogging, but soon give this up to go for a drink. At Edie's coffee morning Glenda tells the ladies that she has bought Barry some tropical fish, so Pearl decides to get some for Howard as it might keep him at home. After a test run in the barrels they discover they need padding, so they cover themselves in old inner tubes, but when they barrel roll again they nearly collide with Howard and Marina (who is listening to Howard's double bass).

10. A LANDLADY FOR SMILER.
After Pearl catches Clegg and Howard looking at a weevil the trio go off to the cafe where they find Smiler. He informs them that his wife has gone off to Australia and he's looking for somewhere to stay. They go for a walk and meet Howard who is depressed because Marina has told him that she wants a full-time lover, not somebody who sneaks about the countryside. Compo now takes charge of the situation and tells Howard that he has to ignore Marina, then she will be glad to see him at any time. Next, he turns his attentions to Smiler and the problem of his digs. He spins a sob story at the cafe, but all goes wrong and Smiler ends up at Nora Batty's instead of Marina's.

Special "BARRY'S CHRISTMAS".
Its Boxing Day and on his way to meet Compo and Clegg, Foggy upsets a man on a bus by constantly talking to him whilst he's trying to read a book. On their walk they come across Wesley who has bought himself a hearse for Christmas, and he gives them a lift to the pub. On arrival they discover something under a table. This turns out to be Barry dressed as Father Christmas and just waking up after a drunken party the previous night. Meanwhile, the ladies are trying to comfort Glenda who is upset because Barry didn't come home the night before. To try to stop Barry getting into trouble Foggy phones Glenda and tells her that Barry has lost his memory, and to contact them she can ring Foggy's personal bleeper, which he bought himself for Christmas. They buy Barry a drink, and then to try to sober him up they take him for a walk on the hills, where Foggy has the idea of pulling Barry with a horse to save carrying him. Unfortunately, the horse bolts with Foggy on board when his personal
bleeper goes off.
 

cornishman

The Coder
Staff member
SERIES 13 1991 - 6 programmes 1 special.

1. QUICK, QUICK, SLOW.
Compo is feeling really depressed today because Nora Batty has got Smiler as a lodger and she's washing his long johns.
After a visit to the cafe and the pub the trio go back to Compo's house where Smiler tells Compo that he has no intentions towards Nora, but Compo thinks he could be lying.
Whilst out walking they meet Wesley (who is supposed to be cleaning up behind his shed) and they call for a drink. Whilst at the pub Foggy says he knows how to cheer up Compo because he's seen natives in the jungle do it by shaking a rattle and dancing around.
Compo finally does cheer up when he and the ladies (who are out looking for Wesley) see Foggy and Clegg doing a tango together.

2. GIVE US A LIFT.
Compo wakes up to the sound of Nora sending Smiler off with a wheelbarrow to fetch a sack of King Edwards and a sack of Brussels sprouts.
After a visit to the cafe our trio go for a stroll on the hills {which Compo says are getting steeper) they come across Smiler whom Compo manages to con into giving him a lift in the wheelbarrow to the pub. Whilst there Foggy comes up with the idea of a chairlift. Off they go to Wesley's where he fits four pram wheels onto an old armchair. Up on the hills (where Howard and Marina are pretending to be birdwatching) Compo tries out the chairlift but ends up being tipped out, so they decide to put on bigger wheels. This time it works so they all climb on board, but the rope pulling them up the hill snaps and they end up crashing at the bottom, but not before they have run over the roof of the local police car.

3. WAS THAT NORA BATTY SINGING?
The day begins with Foggy being thrown out of the library after he asks for books on silent killing. He meets Clegg and they go to Compo's house.where they find him listening at Nora's door, saying he could hear her singing. On a visit to the cafe they find Edie and Wesley on their way to Huddersfield on a shopping trip, and find Smiler depressed, as usual. Up on the hills Compo says he believes that Nora and Smiler are having an affair, so off they go to find him. When they find him in the library they all get thrown out for making a noise. Compo gets really upset when he sees Nora and Smiler getting on a bus together, so they 'borrow' Howard and Marina's bikes and follow them to the church. Compo cheers up when he discovers that all Nora needs Smiler for is to do some dusting.

4. CASHFLOW PROBLEMS.
Compo has a problem .... he's skint.
After finding some old coins in a fountain Compo remembers somebody who owes him money -Biff Hemingway. Unfortunately this was when they were at school together, so they go off to Biff's old address where they find new houses. Clegg suggests they look him up on the electoral register at the police station. Visiting several Hemingways (including one who runs a tailor's shop) they come to the last one on the list. He turns out to be a big man with an ugly temper, so Compo goes back to the fountain, this time wetting Nora Batty as she walks past.

5. PASSING THE EARRING.
Howard asks Clegg to do him a favour and return an earring he has found that belongs to Marina. His problems are doubled when at the cafe Howard telephones him to say he has found the other earring, but how do they get it past Pearl. Foggy has the idea of using a fishing rod out of Clegg's bedroom window, but Pearl catches them. Next, he telephones Howard and tells him they will keep Pearl talking whilst _he slips the earring to Clegg. As usual it goes wrong when he passes it to Pearl instead. Finally, they try to help Smiler into Nora's house by using a big ladder, but she catches Compo when he climbs in her bedroom window.

6.POLE STAR.
Nora Batty asks Compo to put up her clothes line but when he can't reach she asks Smiler, thus really upsetting Compo. Foggy tells him that Nora would be impressed if he could vault onto the wall, but when he tries hand vaulting it ends up making his eyes water. Next Compo tries pole vaulting, but after the first attempt he lands on a lot of oil drums. Our trio go back to the cafe where Ivy falls over Compo's pole. The ladies coffee morning are discussing what their husbands kept in their pockets. Back at the pole vaulting Compo manages to get the hang of it so they go off to Nora's. Compo demonstrates how to vault onto the wall -nimbly and gracefully -but topples off into the river landing on Howard and Marina.

Special. SITUATIONS VACANT.
After a walk in the park where they come across Howard practising an excuse for Pearl they return to Clegg's, where Foggy says Compo needs a new pair of trou-sers. He tells him that with some jobs you get a uniform. After nearly getting knocked over by a motorbike he comes up with the idea of starting a courier service. Off they go to get some motorbike leathers from Wesley (who has to keep clean because Mrs. Councillor Wainwright is calling to see Edie). Because a bicycle is too slow they borrow a motorbike from Wesley, but whilst taking a promotional photograph of Compo and the motorbike Wesley gets covered in oil. They go to explain to Edie that it wasn't his fault but she's just glad that he is alright. The story finishes with Compo struggling under the motorbike after it falls on him.
 

cornishman

The Coder
Staff member
SERIES 14 -1992 10 programmes.

1. BY THE MAGNIFICENT THIGHS OF ERNIE BURNISTON.
On his way to meet Compo and Foggy, Clegg finds Howard inside a wheelie bin. Howard asks Clegg to deliver a birthday card to Marina. Whilst out
walking, Foggy decides that nobody their age is as fit as they used to be, that is until they see Ernie Burniston cycling and jogging. At the cafe Compo gets upset when Nora tells him he is too old to be climbing on walls, so Foggy decides he'll have to get Compo fit. Whilst our trio are at Clegg's house.
Howard bursts in wearing Pearl's dressing gown. This is because Pearl has hidden all his clothes, so Foggy decides that Howard should dress up as a woman then he can deliver Marina's birthday card without Pearl recognising him. Howard's bottle goes when Pearl sees him, so its up to Clegg to deliver it and he receives a big kiss when he does, as Marina thinks the card is from him. Compo's back goes whilst out training with and Foggy and Clegg have to wheel him home on a trolley, but his back gets better when Nora tells him that Ernie Burniston has been taken to hospital with a hernia.

2. ERROL FLYNN USED TO HAVE A PAIR LIKE THAT.
Compo overhears Nora saying that she likes men in riding gear, so he gets dJ: J.5.ed up in his motorcycling gear. When she sees him she says he looks ridiculous and that it is horse riding gear she likes. Howard and Wesley are to in for a shock today as they have to take their wives out. Foggy pays a visit Auntie Wainwright's where he buys an old pair of military riding breeches which he lends to Compo in order to impress Nora, but on a visit to the cafe she tells him that she can't wait to see him riding a horse. To make Nora think that Compo is taming a wild horse they enlist the help of Smiler (who is dressed as 'Mr. Muscle - the Oven Cleaner') to stamp about inside a horse-box. All the ladies are impressed when Compo emerges after it all goes quiet, but unfortunately the door drops open revealing 'Mr. Muscle'.

3. THE PHANTOM OF THE GRAVEYARD.
Our trio are off to a funeral today. Old 'Slasher' Sylvester, an old school teacher of theirs has passed away. Whilst out walking they come across Howard who is dressed in a bright shirt and shorts. He tells them that it is Pearl's idea that he wears them in order to keep him in and away from
Marina. After a pint they try to help him get home, but they meet Marina who thinks he is dressed up for a younger woman. When Foggy sees Compo in his 'Maurice Chevalier' outfit for the funeral he takes him to Auntie Wain-wright's to buy a new suit (and a big hat). Howard says he will go to the funeral so that he can wear a dark suit and will be able to meet Marina in the church porch. Unfortunately for them they go to the wrong funeral and Howard ends up cuddling the vicar in the porch. Marina meanwhile, dressed in black and wearing a veil, asks Eli if he has seen a small person, but he runs away from her thinking he's seen 'The phantom of the graveyard'.

4.THE SELF-PROPELLED SALAD STRAINER.
Where is Nora Batty going today? -That is the question facing Compo. Meanwhile, Wesley calls at Auntie Wainwright's where he buys a small ride-on motor mower (which he calls Lassie) that he wants to adapt for cleaning the upstairs windows. Whilst out looking for Nora our trio see smoke coming from her kitchen window, whereupon they throw a bowl of water in and end up wetting Smiler who has burnt his toast. Smiler informs Compo that Nora has gone to look after her cousin Nellie who has broken her leg. Wesley tries out his new machine and ends up being rescued off the roof by the fire brigade. In order to impress Nora, Compo decides to take her some flowers but because he can't afford to buy some he decides to pick wild ones. Whilst doing this they come across Howard and Marina. Howard's excuse is that he's teaching Marina botany!! Wesley gives the trio a lift to Nora's cousin's on his machine, but Compo ends up like Wesley -stuck on the roof when the ma-chine goes wrong again.

5. ORDEAL BY TROUSERS.
After Foggy comes into contact with Compo's ladder which he uses to get to Nora, our trio call at the cafe where Ivy and Nora are looking for volunteers for the church concert. Foggy says he could tell the audience his war stories but Compo says he makes them up, so they challenge him to 'ordeal by trousers' -a method they used at school to see if someone was lying - dropping a beetle down the front of his trousers. At the library Compo tricks Foggy and drops a beetle down his trousers, but they end up being thrown out when Foggy tries to fish it out. The ladies, meanwhile, are still looking for volunteers as they have only got Mr. McIntyre (and his pipes!), so they conscript our trio to do a song and (thanks to Foggy and his beetle) a dance. Their act is called The Blue Mountain Boys and they sing "I'm gonna sit right down and write myself a letter."

6.HAPPY BIRTHDAY HOWARD.
Marina asks Clegg to deliver a birthday present to Howard for her without Pearl seeing, but unfortunately its a giant cuddly panda. After carrying it through the streets they come across Howard but he refuses to take it in case earl finds out. To make transporting the panda easier our trio use a wheelchair which gives Compo an idea. He pretends to be ill so that Nora takes him t-me with her, but once inside her house he soon recovers and she throws him out. The story ends with the panda and the wheelchair being left outside Howard's house, but when Pearl sees it Howard says he's bought it for her.

7. WHO'S GOT RHYTHM?
Compo tells Foggy and Clegg that he is skint. After a visit to the cafe -where he misses out on a giant sticky bun and a cup of tea -Foggy tells him that he should get a part-time job to earn some money.They call to see Smiler who is working for 'Uncle Henry Ltd.' (alias Auntie Wainwright) to see if he knows of any part-time jobs. After a visit to Nora's and a pint at the pub they come across a marching band (including two extra musicians -Howard and Marina) and it gives Foggy an idea as to how Compo could make some money. Its off to Auntie Wainwright's where Compo acquires a 'one-man band'. Back at Nora's he tries to impress her with his playing but ends up tumbling down her steps.

8. CAMERA SHY.
On their way to Auntie Wainwright’s our trio come across Smiler who is trying to sell some black ice cream. At Auntie’s she sells Compo a stuffed owl, Foggy a a camcorder and Cleggy an odd cup and saucer.
Practising with his camera up on the hills has Howard thinking that Foggy has caught him and Marina on film. Back at Cleggs house Foggy wants to view the film but Clegg doesn’t have a video player. They ask Howard if they can borrow his, but when he goes to fetch it, Pearl suggests they watch it in her house.this is unfortunate for Howard because, not only might he be on the film with Marina, but all the ladies are there for their coffee morning. Howard pays compo to cause a distraction whilst the film is being shown, but he didn’t need to because he wasn’t on the film after all.

9.WHEELIES.
Foggy has had an idea and after showing a drawing to Wesley they go to Auntie Wainwright's to buy some bicycle wheels, but she ends up selling
them a GIANT wheel -and a lady's foundation garment! Back at Wesley's he makes a wheel-on-wheels, and guess who has to test it? The first attempt ends when the wheel-on-wheels hits a wall and Compo gets thrown off. At the second attempt the rope towing it snaps sending the wheel and Compo careering out of control. He bumps into a barn knocking Howard and Marina off the roof, and continues on till he enters an indoor go-kart track and eventually ending up in a pond.

10.STOP THAT CASTLE.
Foggy's day begins with him having a conversation with a man down a manhole. Clegg's begins with him doing his ironing and talking to Howard about the charity singing which -foggy is organising. The trio go to Auntie Wainwright's to borrow her inflatable castle - hire charge £34.00 with blow-ing up extra. Because the castle is too heavy to carry they borrow a pram but the wheels collapse. Off they go to Wesley's to see what the castle looks like inflated, but they give it too much air and end up demolishing Wesley's shed. Next they have to get the inflated castle to Smiler (dressed as Noddy) who will be driving the car which will tow the trailer with the castle on it. To get it onto the trailer they decide to drop it from a bridge but it falls onto a police car. The day of the parade arrives and everyone is in costume. Our trio are dressed as medieval soldiers, Pearl is the Wicked Witch, Marina is Snow White with Edie as Dick Whittington and Glenda as the cat. Ivy is a Fairy complete with wand and Nora is Bo-Peep which is unfortunate for Howard as he is dressed as a sheep, thinking that Marina has the Bo-Peep costume. The parade starts off and all goes well until Foggy catches the castle with the pike-staff he's carrying. Everything is brought to a standstill when the castle deflates with the ladies inside.
 

cornishman

The Coder
Staff member
SERIES 15 1993
9 programmes 1 special.
1.HOW TO CLEAR YOUR PIPES.
Compo tells Foggy and Clegg that he would like to sweep Nora up into his muscular arms, but because he is not fit Foggy says he needs to go on an assault course. After an attempt at tree climbing and dangling from the rafters of an old barn, Foggy gets Compo and Clegg crawling through sewer pipes. When they get stuck inside the pipes Foggy fetches Wesley to cut them free. Meanwhile, Howard is out displaying posters for a bicycle race. After a visit to the cafe and the pub he calls at Auntie Wainwright's to ask her to display a poster, but she ends up selling him a combined coat rack and umbrella stand. When Howard and Marina arrive at the starting point for the bicycle race they find dozens of people have turned up. As they set off Pearl passes on the top deck of a double-decker bus.

2.WHERE THERE'S SMOKE THERE'S BARBECUE.
Howard is up to something today. First he turns up at Clegg's house with a pocket full of nails, and is then seen at the cafe with wood down his trouser leg. Auntie Wainwright manages to con our trio into her shop where she sells Foggy a telescope and Clegg a portable barbecue. Off they go into the hills to try out the barbecue, but after it explodes they take it to Wesley to be fixed. Whilst waiting for the barbecue to be mended they go to Clegg's house where Foggy offers to open his jar of beetroot, but ends up spilling it on his shirt. Borrowing one of Howard's shirts they go off again into the hills to try out the barbecue. They find Howard and Marina with a seat that Howard has made from the wood he was hiding down his trousers, but unfortunately, when our trio light the barbecue again it nearly destroys the seat, leaving Howard and Marina walking away with the charred remains.

3.THE BLACK WIDOW.
Both Foggy and Compo are suffering from the after effects of the home brew they drank the night before at Ernie Mordue's funeral tea. Whilst at the cafe they realise that Clegg is not with them, so off they go to his house where Howard informs them that Clegg has been abducted by Mrs. Jack Attercliffe after he had complimented her on her buns. They eventually catch up with Clegg at his house where he tells them that Mrs. Jack Attercliffe is calling to take him to the 'Over-60's Afternoon Tea Dance'. "We need a replacement widower" says Compo, so they enlist Smiler and take him to Auntie Wainwright's to get a suit. At the tea dance Compo tells Mrs. Jack Attercliffe that Smiler has fancied her for years, but when Compo points him out to her she picks the wrong one and ends up with Foggy.

4. HAVE YOU GOT A LIGHT MATE?
Howard wants Clegg to do him a favour and go buy a china shepherdess doll from Auntie Wainwright's which he wants to give to Marina. Clegg and Compo have first to
go to the Police Station to bail out Foggy who has been arrested for lurking in bushes. Smiler has been conscripted again by Auntie Wainwright, this time to sell security lights which seem to explode every time they are switched on. Meanwhile, the ladies are at the church hall going through trouser pockets ready for the jumble sale. The trio call at Auntie Wainwright's for the china shepherdess, but she also sells Foggy a set of security lights which he sells on to Howard. Up on the hills later Howard hands Marina the shepherdess, but when she gives him a cuddle he explodes because of the lights he has hidden in his jumper.

5.STOP THAT BATH
Clegg has to make a phone call to Howard this morning and while out walking they pass a telephone box, but the only one with the right change is Compo and that has dropped through his pocket to his welly. Foggy and Clegg hold him upside down to try to get it out but are seen by the police who think that its a mugging. On reaching the pub Foggy rings Howard who wants the trio to meet him at Auntie Wainwright's in order to collect a present for Marina. The problem now is how to get the present (a cast iron bath which is not what Howard wanted in the first place) to Marina's. Because it is too heavy to carry Foggy borrows a trolley from Auntie (for a fee) and she also sells him a stag's head and Clegg an old mop. Pushing the bath through the town it suddenly runs away with Compo inside and he gets wet through when it fractures a drainpipe. They then carry the bath over their heads across the fields but come across the ladies who are having a picnic, and when Howard hears Pearl's voice they beat a hasty retreat.

6. SPRINGING SMILER.
Smiler keeps getting thrown out of places today. First of all it is from Nora Batty's and then from the cafe. There he meets our trio and tells them that he would give £50 to anyone who could get him out of staying with Nora. Foggy decides Smiler should become a lover so that when he makes a pass at Nora she'll throw him out for good. They ask Howard for his advice on love making and he suggests Smiler should try taking her a present. They go off to Auntie Wainwright's where she sells them all a pair of antique earrings. Now comes Smiler's big chance and off he goes to tell Nora that he loves her, and for a change Foggy's plan actually works and Nora throws Smiler out.

7. CONCERTO FOR SOLO BICYCLE.
Compo decides to give his old bicycle an airing today, but after running into Foggy‚ (literally) they go on to Clegg's house. Howard has told Clegg that Marina has left him for a taller person (Smiler), so he has decided to try 'taller' exercises - one of which includes dangling from the bannister. Auntie Wainwright gets Smiler to deliver a small chest of drawers for her but he has a shock when he finds out the customer is Marina. As a result of his collision with Compo and his bike, Foggy comes up with the idea of bicycle safety wear. This leads to Compo getting covered in foam rubber, and whilst testing it he demolishes Wesley's shed. The next stage is to have an old inner tube inflated up his jumper, but when it is tested out on the hills he rides straight through the ladies picnic.

8.THERE ARE GYPSIES AT THE BOTTOM OF OUR GARDEN.
Auntie Wainwright gets a visit from a gypsy lady but she manages to sell her a set of garden furniture. When the gypsy's husband tries to take it back she sells him a set as well. At the cafe Compo tells Foggy and Clegg that he thinks he is losing his sexual magnetism because Nora keeps rejecting him, so Foggy takes them for a walk. Whilst walking in the woods they hear a knocking sound which Foggy says is a giant spotted woodpecker, but its really Howard and Marina building a tree-house. Foggy organises a nature tour to hear the woodpecker and enlists Wesley to drive the minibus with the ladies inside. After tramping through the woods again they come across the spot where they think the woodpecker is, but the only wildlife they see is Pearl chasing Howard after he falls out of the tree-house.

9. ALADDIN GETS ON YOUR WICK.
A three-man sailboard is on the cards for the trio after Foggy sees a man wind-surfing. Auntie Wainwright has gone mobile - she's got Smiler dressed up as Aladdin driving a mobile emporium. When the trio come across Smiler in the van Foggy asks if he has anything they could use as a sailboard. At the shop Auntie sells them an old tin cupboard, and whilst testing it to see if it will float they come across Howard and Marina dressed as frogmen. When Smiler spies them he threatens to tell Pearl unless Howard buys something from his van, leading to Howard arriving home with fifteen rolls of vinyl wallpaper. Needing a sail for their sailboard they go to see Wesley who gives them Edie's double damask tablecloth (without her knowledge, of course). Its now time to test the sailboard on the lake, but whilst out on the water Compo discovers a key which undoes the doors to the cupboard and they all fall through the bottom into the water.

Special WELCOME TO EARTH.
Clegg has to take his bike to Wesley's after his brakes failed and he ran into Howard. Whilst it is being repaired Clegg, Foggy and Compo go for a walk where they come across an old stone circle and a member of the Heckmondwyke Extra terrestrial Club. He tells the trio· that he believes an alien spaceship will land there and that he has an early warning device (a bleeper). Howard has bought Marina a bleeper so that she can contact him, but that night when he demonstrates it to her it sets off the other one. This makes our trio, who are in the pub, race up to the hills along with the rest of the pub customers and the ladies. At the stone circle Foggy organises everyone to switch on their torches and lights, but it is not aliens who are revealed just Howard and Marina.
 

cornishman

The Coder
Staff member
SERIES 16 1994 (Seems to be missing episode 3??)
8 programmes 1 special.
Special - THE MAN WHO NEARLY KNEW PAVAROTII.
Compo bestows the magical properties of gravy granules to everyone today, especially Nora Batty. Wesley calls at the cafe where our trio are having a cuppa and asks them to help him move a piano to Auntie Wainwright's. On the way they nearly run over, a mate of Pavarotti's (one Billy Ingleton) who tells them that he's going to be a world famous pianist one day and offers to buy the piano.
Meanwhile, Auntie Wainwright is fretting about the piano and sends Smile-;-ta-·· look for it. After a pint at the pub Billy Ingleton asks if the piano is a Wigglesworth of Cleckheaton, and whilst looking for the maker's name he gets stuck inside. This upsets Smiler as he thinks they will scratch it. Once cut free from the piano Billy tells them he needs an audience for his piano playing, so Foggy organises a concert. The day of the concert arrives but Billy Ingleton's confidence has gone, so he tries to run away but the trio catch up with him at the railway station. At the concert hall Billy tells them that his loud pedal leg has ·gone', so Compo gives him a bottle of whisky which leads to him getting drunk. As the band (conducted by Eli) start to play Billy confesses to them that he can only play the introduction, so when he goes onto the stage he pretends to faint. This leaves the audience to be entertained by Compo singing "Nora's back in town".

1. THE GLORY HOLE.
Foggy drags Compo and Clegg up to the hills to look at a hole in the road which reminds him of an old slip trench. On their way to the cafe they meet Howard who has got indigestion because he's having to eat scented notes from Marina so that Pearl won't find them. In the cafe" Compo tells Foggy ! and Clegg about an old wartime comrade he has not seen for 50 years, so they go back to Compo's house so he can show them a photograph of the man in question. Unfortunately, the only photograph he can find is of a woman he doesn't know. Looking around his place Compo finds a hand-held siren which he tries out. The noise causes Wesley to drop paint all over Nora as he was painting her kitchen at the time. Foggy tells Compo that wartime memorabilia fetches a lot of money, so they go to Auntie Wainwright's to sell the siren, but she swaps it for a genuine cedar-wood flagpole -with certificate to prove it. They take the flagpole up to Foggy's hole in the road. Edie and Glenda are out driving and whilst narrowly missing Howard and Marina on their bikes the car ends up on top of a mound of earth overlooking the glory hole and our trio.

2. ADOPTED BY A STRAY.
Whilst sitting in the pub our trio come across a Mr. Broadbent who asks for directions to 'the wilderness', but Foggy thinks that all he wants is money so they leave him in the pub and go for a walk. Up on the hills they come across Mr. Broadbent again who tells them that he is going off in search of wisdom. He leaves our trio his van, but the only drawback is that it comes complete with a Mrs. Broadbent who is sat in the back. They keep trying to lose Mrs. Broadbent on the hills but all end up visiting the cafe. Trying later to lose her they meet up with Smiler and swap the van for a 'thingummy' which Auntie Wainwright had sold to him. At this point Mr. Broadbent returns saying that he misses his wife, but she doesn't miss him and duly hits him with her handbag.


4.ONCE IN A MOONLIT JUNKYARD.
Somebody in motorcycling gear is looking for Compo. First of all the motorcyclist calls at his house, then nearly runs them over when they meet Howard who is out jogging. They then see the motorcyclist talking to Nora Batty outside the pub. Compo sends Foggy into the cafe to ask Nora who the motorcyclist is, and when they call for a pint he tells Compo that it is one of his old girlfriends called Babs. As the ladies discuss the motorcyclist they remember another of Compo's old girlfriends. She was called Grace and used to drive a dumper-truck. Dressed in racing leathers Compo takes Foggy and Clegg to the place where he used to court Babs -a junkyard which is now owned by Auntie Wainwright. When 'Babs' arrives she whisks Compo away on the back of a motorbike, but after that ride he decides to stick with Nora.

5.THE SPACE ACE.
After Compo receives an unexpected present from Nora -a bacon sarnie -he meets up with Foggy and Clegg outside the cafe. Whilst having a stroll on the hills they see a man climb into a wheelie bin and launch himself down a hill. Checking to see that he's OK after being bounced around inside the bin the man tells them that he is in training to be an astronaut. Meanwhile, Howard and Marina call at Auntie Wainwright's to buy some backpacking gear because Howard has decided he is an 'outdoor man'. Our trio take the man (Stanley Pocklington) for a drink and whilst there he tells them that his brother Neville, who works for British Rail, is budding him a spaceship. Having had too much to drink the space ace collapses outside the pub, so they push him along inside the wheelie bin and getting a tow from Wesley on his way to Auntie Wainwright's with a load of paint. Wanting to help the space ace Foggy talks Compo into doing tests in deceleration, firstly on a bike and then in a chair on Wesley's trailer. When it bumps into the wheelie bin Compo jumps on board to stop it but it runs into the paint tins sending them flying. Unfortunately, the paint goes all over Howard and Marina, and when the space ace comes round and sees them he thinks he is on another planet.

6.THE MOST POWERFUL EYEBALLS IN WEST YORKSHIRE.
Clegg wonders if Howard is alright after he first sees him outside the house and then looking out of the bedroom window. Meanwhile, Foggy is having a run in with a traffic warden when he discusses uniforms. Howard meets our trio out-side the cafe and tells them that he is taking up hypnotism. Foggy says he can do that and to prove it he tells Compo and Clegg that he will hypnotise the first person they meet, which unfortunately happens to be Eli. Calling at the pub Compo challenges Foggy to hypnotise the barmaid but he gets thrown out when he is caught by the landlord. Trying to hypnotise Compo, but to no avail, Foggy says he will hypnotise a complete stranger. They see a man waiting for a bus and when Foggy tries to hypnotise him he ends up hypnotising himself. The man, thinking that Foggy is waiting for the bus, tells him to get on, which he does, but what Foggy doesn't know is that all the people on the bus are part of a demonstration against the building of a motorway. When the bus arrives at its destination Foggy is told to get off and is given a placard to carry. After a long walk he passes two men talking about the motorway and when one of them clicks his fingers Foggy comes round. When he sees the placard he tosses it over a wall hitting Howard who is sitting there with Marina.

7. THE DEWHIRSTS OF OGLEBY HALL
Foggy telephones the Royal College of Heralds to enquire about a coat of arms with the Latin motto "Loyal, Silent and Deadly". He does this after receiving a letter which he believes may relate him to the Dewhirsts of Ogleby Hall. Compo, arriving at Clegg's tells him that Nora is after a new hat as he'd seen her looking in the hat shop. Clegg offers him ones of his late wife's hats if he will deliver a note to Marina from Howard.
Wondering how to meet Lord Ogleby by accident, Foggy comes up with the idea of pretending to catch Compo poaching. Foggy volunteers to take the note to Marina, but when she reads it she thinks it is from him, so Compo goes to see her to explain‚ that the note was from Howard, but Marina is determined to meet a taller person. Calling for a pint they see Smiler, so Foggy writes another note and passes it to him so that Smiler will meet Marina instead of him. Compo decides he will be a poacher if Foggy buys a lady's hat for Nora, but because they are too expensive in the shops they go to Auntie Wainwright's to buy one, where she manages to sell them one each.
It is now time for the chance meeting with Lord Ogleby, but they are chased out of the grounds by a dog which savages the hat Compo has for Nora. Finally, Smiler is waiting at the bridge like Foggy's note said, but because he is frightened of Marina he jumps over the bridge into the river when he sees her, leaving Marina alone but not for long as Howard soon turns up.

8.THE SWEET SMELL OF EXCESS.
Compo has taken up a new sport -trampolining. Using his bed to bounce up to Nora's window he gets stuck in the springs, so he has to make his way to the cafe to see if Foggy and Clegg can get him free. Foggy tells him they will have to go to Wesley's get him cut free, so they push him there. Talking to Wesley they fail to notice that Compo and the bed have rolled off down the hill, eventually coming to rest over an open manhole. As Wesley starts cutting the bedsprings Compo suddenly vanishes down the manhole. After his encounter in the sewers Compo's clothes smell and they are thrown out of the pub, off a bus and out of the cafe before going to the dry cleaners, where they refuse to clean his clothes. Deciding to blow the smell away Compo stands up in the back of Wesley's land-rover but he nearly freezes solid. They take him to the pub to thaw out in front of the fire, but this makes his clothes smell again, so they stand him in the back of the land-rover again whilst they go through the carwash. Finally, Compo tries trampolining outside Nora's window again on one made by Wesley, but he bounces too high and ends up clinging to the gutter pipe.
 

cornishman

The Coder
Staff member
SERIES 17 -1995
10 programmes 1 special.
1.LEAVING HOME FOREVER OR TILL TEATIME.
As usual, Clegg's morning begins with Howard calling to see him, but this time he arrives with two suitcases. He tells Clegg that Pearl has thrown him out because she found what looks like (and is) lipstick on his collar. He asks Clegg to mediate on his behalf, but when h rings Pearl's doorbell she empties the contents of her mop bucket on him. Foggy and Compo now turn up, and after hearing Howard's story Foggy decides to take charge of the situation. He tells them that they will play on Pearl's sympathy and so they march Howard off to the park where they leave him sitting on a bench looking forlorn. Calling at the cafe for a cup of tea Foggy writes a note to Pearl to tell her to be in the park at a certain time (15.45 hours), and to arouse her curiosity even more they go to Auntie Wainwright's for a small gift. This time she sells them a combined hat-rack and umbrellas stand (with free bonnet). When Pearl finds this gift on her doorstep she reads the note attached to it and goes off to the park. Unknown to our trio Marina has turned up and is sitting with Howard. Seeing them together Foggy has to distract Pearl whilst Compo and Clegg try to hide Marina. This ends with Clegg in the bushes with Marina and Compo falling into a pond with Howard. Howard tells Pearl that he was saving Compo and she believes him and takes him back home.

2. BICYCLE BONANZA.
After a stroll on the hills where our trio come across what they believe is an abandoned vehicle, Foggy decides they need to get 'off-road' more often. Luckily (or un-luckily) for them Auntie Wainwright is having a bicycle sale and is advertising this by getting Smiler to distribute leaflets, during which he has a run-in (literally) with Eli. Accepting a lift from Wesley where Foggy falls out of the back, its on to the cafe for three breakfasts. After collecting the bicycles from Auntie's our trio go to Clegg's house to make sandwiches before going off-road cycling. Up on the hills Foggy decides they will cycle across country, but en route Foggy discovers that his brakes have gone and he disappears over a wall. At the ladies' coffee morning Glenda informs them that Barry is taking up body-building, much to the disgust of Edie. Back at the cycling our trio are now stuck in a bog and after shouting for help Wesley tries to pull them out with the landrover which also gets stuck, but not before the rear wheels have sprayed the trio with mud.

3. THE GLAMOUR OF THE UNIFORM.
Howard pays his usual morning call on Clegg to tell him that Marina has left him. Informing Foggy and Compo up on the hills, our trio then call to see Howard who takes them to see the new man in Marina's life .... a traffic warden called Cyril Gridley
(who used to bend your thumb back till you said Czechoslovakia). Feeling depressed, Howard tells Pearl that he is going to join the French Foreign Legion, but trying to find
his way to France he meets the trio and Foggy tells him that Marina is impressed by the uniform. Off they go to Auntie Wainwright's who is now selling fancy dress - with Smiler dressed up as a court jester and Eli as Dracula to advertise the fact. After getting Howard kitted out in a Foreign Legion outfit they make their way to the supermarket for Howard to tell Marina that he will join the Foreign Legion if she leaves him for Cyril Gridley. Pearl sees Howard in the uniform and believes that he really has joined up, but she also sees him later with Marina on the back of his bicycle. Foggy then gets Compo to dress in the uniform so that Pearl will think it was Compo with Marina and not Howard. All goes well when Pearl stops them, but unfortunately Cyril Gridley sees the leaving Compo, running away shouting "Czechoslovakia, Czechoslovakia, Czechoslovakia".

4.THE FIRST HUMAN BEING TO RIDE A HILL.
After a kiss, cuddle and a clip round the 'lug'ole' from Nora (which costs 7p), Compo meets Foggy and they call at Clegg's where Howard tells them that Pearl has re-moved his bicycle. Foggy tells Howard to be more decisive, so Howard goes home to collect his bicycle but returns with an inner-tube around his neck. This Foggy takes personally and is definite that they will get Howard's bike out of the house. They put a ladder up to the bedroom where Pearl has chained it to the bed, but she catches them so they have to think of another way. Foggy decides Howard needs a secret bicycle so they go off to Wesley's for help. Wesley needs a bike to work on so they go to collect Compo's old one, but it has a very loud squeak. After a stroll they call back at Wesley's to collect the bicycle, but unfortunately he has disguised it as a small, landscaped hillock. Giving it a test drive Compo first amazes two police-men in a police car when he stops alongside them, and then runs Howard and Marina (who are both on Marina's bike) off the road. They eventually give up the secret bicycle idea as a bad job and leave it in the middle of a traffic island.

5.CAPTAIN CLUTIERBUCK'S TREASURE.
At the pub our trio meet Lt. Commander Willoughby R.N.(Ret.) who is being thrown out by the landlord. Taking him to the cafe for breakfast he manages to con Foggy into buying a map which is supposed to show where Captain Clutterbuck -a famous Yorkshire pirate from Hebden Bridge-buried his treasure. Meanwhile, Howard and Marina are in the middle of a field digging a hole as a result of Foggy telling Howard about sniper trenches where you can't be seen. After Foggy handed over £30 for the map they go to Auntie Wainwright's to hire a metal detector, then on to Wesley's for him to give them a lift. Once they've dug Wesley's landrover out of the mud and hidden it under the trees, they go off with the map to find the treasure, only to dis-cover dozens of other people looking for it. Trying to escape from two angry men to whom he's sold a map, Commander Willoughby falls into Howard and Marina's sniper trench, thus enabling Foggy to get his money back.

6. DESPERATE FOR A DUFFIELD.
Compo has come to a decision. As he's not getting anywhere with Nora he decides to find his first love - 'big' Au_drey Mottershaw. At his house he shows Foggy and Clegg an old school photo, but Foggy tells him that the one he thinks is Audrey Mottershaw is actually Billy Cinders. Clegg remembers somebody at school who used to have a crush on him ... Ruby Milburn, who always had a mucky neck. As Compo doesn't know where Audrey Mottershaw lives they go to see Nora who tells them that Audrey married a Duffield from Hedley Terrace, but unfortunately they pulled it down. Foggy looks at the telephone directory and finds that there are 8 Outfields listed. As Compo doesn't have a decent suit he borrows one from Howard, but it turns out to be a 'teddy boy' suit, complete with velvet collar, that Howard used to wear in his "wilder days". Off they go to find Audrey, but when Compo's nerve goes Foggy tries the first address and gets dragged inside by a scantily clad woman. Coming to the last Duffield on the list they ask Wesley for a lift as it is quite a distance away. He has to deliver some furniture on the way, so when Compo is being blown about in the back of the land rover he climbs inside a wardrobe. When Wesley swerves to avoid hitting the ladies who are being driven by Edie, the wardrobe -with Compo inside- flies off the land rover and comes to rest at the bottom of a hill. Checking to see that he is alright, Edie informs everyone that Compo hadn't needed to got through everything today because Audrey Mottershaw moved to Canada .... so it's back to pestering Nora again!

7. THE SUIT THAT TURNED LEFT
Clegg's day begins with him discussing window cleaner with Howard and Compo's begins with a spot of weight-training. Whilst out walking our trio come across a man acting suspiciously, and when curiosity gets the better of them they ask him what he is doing. He tells them that he's invented a magnetometer (or as Compo calls it - a Uttoxeter), which is a machine for finding the hidden forces of nature. Calling at the cafe they try out the machine which gives out a high-pitched noise which causes Ivy to break a lot of crockery, so they beat a hasty retreat to the pub. Wesley now receives some bad news .... he has to drive the bus for the church outing, and he has to wear a suit. Back at the pub the stranger tells out trio that the magnetometer is good for general debility, rheumatism. hair loss and warts, but when you find the power you have to stand in a circle holding hands. Howard is in for a surprise when Pearl appears dressed like Marina in a low-cut top and very short skirt, and he has to go out with her looking like that and holding hands. The trio are also holding hands in the pub until the landlord sees them and throws them out, so they try it again in the park where they are seen by Howard and Pearl. Up on the hills the stranger discovers a large power source but they need a lot of people to stand around it holding hands. Fortunately, they come across Wesley and the church out-ing after the bus has broken down. Standing in a large circle the magnetometer is now switched on, but it hasn't found a hidden force of nature ... only Howard and Marina, much to Pearl's disgust.

8. BEWARE OF THE ELBOW
Compo makes his way to Clegg's house but not before sitting on Nora's steps where
he claims he can hear voices. Arriving at Clegg's house he sees Foggy frightening away two missionaries trying to sell him a pamphlet. Sitting up on the hills Compo sees a fat lady rise up into the air and then disappear, which makes Clegg and Foggy think he is losing his mind, so they take him for a pint. He sees the fat lady again passing the pub window. Rushing out to the car park to find her they meet a man who asks them about microwaves but gets angry when Compo asks him if he's seen the fat lady. Edie's eyesight is now in question as Glenda tells her she needs new glasses, since the drive out with the ladies ended with Edie driving down an old disused railway line, passing Howard and Marina on their bikes on the way. Taking a stroll our trio come across the man from the pub again and the fat lady which turns out to be a giant inflatable balloon. He says he's using it to protest about people being thin, especially as his wife reminds him of a pickle fork, and she keeps jabbing him with her elbow. Deciding to help the man with his protest they first surprise Wesley and Smiler who are moving some furniture for Auntie Wainwright, and later Howard and Marina who are in a,field doing a tango. They eventually get the bal-loon into the air but it springs a leak and lands on top of the ladies in Edie's car, causing her to drive onto a car transporter, leaving Foggy to ask "Can we have our balloon back?" and being showered with handbags.

9.THE THING IN WESLEY'S SHED.
Water plays a major part this morning. First Eli gets wet when he holds up a sign for Compo outside Nora's kitchen window. Next, Foggy meets a man down by the ca-nal, and after spinning him one of his war stories the man jumps into the canal to get away. Our trio now go for a stroll where they find Wesley acting suspiciously outside Auntie Wainwright's scrapyard. Helping him to carry some motor parts they go to Wesley's shed but he won't let them in, so they decide to follow him when he takes his invention for a test run. In order to catch up with Wesley Foggy thumbs a lift, but unfortunately the car that stops is being driven by Eli who manages to run off the road straight into a haystack which contains Howard and Marina. Catching up with Wesley they find out what he has been hiding. It is an amphibian -a car you can drive on land or in water-and when he gives our trio a ride in it Foggy falls into the river.
It is now time to test the vehicle on the water, but after Wesley's nerve goes Compo volunteers as the ladies have now turned up and he wants to impress Nora. As usual it all goes wrong and the car sinks, but it's not all bad for Compo because he pretends to be injured and gets the kiss-of-life from Nora.

10. BRUSHES AT DAWN.
Foggy calls at the barber's and comes away smelling of 'sweet jasmine' which gets him a kiss from Marina. Meeting up with Compo and Clegg they go for a stroll and whilst passing the graveyard Compo thinks he has seen a dead vicar. The vicar in question gets our trio to carry suits of armour to the church hall where Compo gets a shock when he finds Nora Batty in a cupboard with Billy Chislehurst. After getting a lift from Wesley they try to shock Compo out of his depression by taking him to Auntie Wainwright's, but it doesn't work. Suddenly, Compo comes round and says that he will challenge Billy Chislehurst to a duel, so its back to the church hall where Compo slaps Billy across the face with his racing paper. Compo now goes into train-ing for the duel when Foggy gets him jogging.
Because it's traditional to fight at dawn Foggy and Clegg have to knock Compo up. It's off to the cafe where Nora and Ivy are so impressed they give him a big breakfast. Time for the duel and up on the hills Billy Chislehurst turns up with his second (Smiler). They decide to fight the duel‚ dressed in the armour riding bicycles and using yardbrushes. After several attempts at jousting they both fall off and become entangled in the armour. Because of where Compo has his elbow Billy Chislehurst gives in, which earns' Compo a big kiss from Nora.
 
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