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Went to the doctor yesterday and he asked me if obesity runs in m family? I told him no one runs in my family.

The devout cowboy lost his favourite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range. Three weeks later a cow walked up carrying the Bible in its mouth. The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes. He took the book out of the cow's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, "It's a...

A tornado hit a Kansas farmhouse just before dawn one morning. It tore off the roof, and picked up the bed on which the farmer and his wife were sleeping. By some miracle, the cyclone set them down unharmed in the next county over. The wife was sobbing uncontrollably. "Don't be scared, Mary,"...

In a shop that sold religious items was a display of baseball caps with "WWJD" printed on them. Customer: "WWJD? What does that mean?" Clerk: "WWJD stands for 'What Would Jesus Do' " Customer: "Well, I'm pretty sure Jesus wouldn't pay $23.95 for one of these baseball caps."

if you Google "Keith Clifford Summer Wine" it takes you straight to him, and stated as retired 2008. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Keith_Clifford which has link to Imdb

I told my boss that three companies were after me and I need a raise. My boss asked, "What companies?" Gas, water and electricity.

A burglar decided to burgle the safe in a store. On the safe door he was very pleased to find a note reading, "Please don't use dynamite. The safe is not locked. Just turn the knob." He did so. Instantly a heavy sandbag fell on him, the entire premises were floodlighted, and alarms started...

A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom: "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is...

Technology Law #1: You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the track. Technology Law #2: Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence. Technology Law #3: An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less until he/she knows...

I tried to sue the airline for losing my luggage. I lost my case.

The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to the left

There will always be death and taxes. The difference is that death doesn't get worse every year.

A customer called his car-rental company and said he needed a tow. The driver named the highway where he was stranded -- but he didn't know the make of the car he was driving. The representative asked for a more detailed description beyond "a blue four-door." After a pause, the driver replied...

A lot of the longer running series seem to be less in their later series in my view. The story liens get used and often in any situation there are only a limited number of plots which is why Fawlty Towers was stopped after 12 episodes as it was decided that all usable and funny ideas had been...

If that was the case then they would not be in that part of Doncaster nor in a corner shop where there would be slim pickings ...

On the cover of the 1983 edition of the novel it is spelt Dewhurst. Thinking about COD - could have been a joke as COD is CASH ON DELIVERY and elsewhere in the dog walking business it is Sir Walter C Dewhurst OBE at one point when he is walking the corgis ...

Use a scalpel - of which I keep several in stock, of course ....

Yes another sad loss: some of the images used are well known and of course Nellie and Truly had met before in the blood donor waiting room ...

Some of the sleeve notes on his CD of SW music (which I am sure many of you have) hints at slight suggestions of play on words or some links which are quite subtle. It seems he took a great deal fo care in gettign the music to fit, as In Foggy's more militqry themes and so on ...

Glad to know we can be of assistance Madam .....