Bad hair day

[Peripheral]

If you are squeamish then do not look at the photo. I have a problem. I usually have a hairdresser come to the house to cut my hair but, for the last few months, we have not been able to contact her. So, as you can see, if you plucked up enough courage to look at the photo, I am beginning to have problems. Finding another hairdresser is difficult because what few there are that do home visits charge enormous amounts of lolly. I now have to decide whether to get a guide dog or buy a white walking stick. My wife tried desperately to haul the lawnmower up the back steps but couldn't manage it. I could let her loose on my bonce with the garden shears but fear that I might end up looking like Vincent Van Gough. I am wondering about getting a helicopter pilot to fly his chopper upside down just above my head. Has any of you brainy people out there got any ideas on how I can get the darned stuff cropped? My only hope seems to be bungee jumping off the top of the Empire State Building in the hope that the jolt will shake it all out.

 

[Barrychuckle]

You could get a razor and shave it all off yourself, you'd save a fortune in the long run!

And you may look a bit like Bruce Willis

 

[captain clutterbuck]

Peri,

What you need is one of those hair cutting combs you buy mail order , sure you remember the small ads in the Daily Mirror years ago " Save ££££££s by cutting your own hair send 10 shillings and we will send you our revolutionary cutting comb you'll never go to the barbers again " So you send off and this lethal looking thing comes but you decide to proceed and basically you end up like this

 

[manwinoname]

we have an electric clipper , fasten no2 comb on the end and let your lass get on with cutting it all the same length , simple n easy, nice n short dont need to brush or comb it

 

[dick]

Back end of the 20th century I had a barber I visited about once a month. I was quite hirsute in those days (it grew fairly long ) I moved into my current place and was asked if I wanted Sarah to cut it after she'd done her Aunts. Like a shot I said yes please. However her aunt comes up with jolly jests like "Your hair's getting long !Sarah comes next week, shall I get her to call?" I don't know quite how it happened but its just like being on parade, They all check up on me !

 

[Peripheral]

Oh dear Dick, sounds like it's a case of 'stand by your beds'. Mine is getting quite unmanageable. This morning I woke up to find a blackbird had built a nest in it. A sparrow would have been acceptable but a blackbird is just a little on the big side. A dove was eyeing me up this morning through the kitchen window. I said to it, 'Forget it mate' and held a hedge trimmer up to my head. He took the hint and flew away. That's an idea, I'll get a topiarist in.

 

[captain clutterbuck]

Peri

If you can't get it cut then its time to step back in time , get the Brylcreem out and become that Brylcreem boy again , Rotherham's oldest Ted!

 

[Peripheral]

Now that is a good idea Captain. Tell you what, there is enough hair at the back to, not only, comb it into a 'DA' but also an 'OA'. The O being an ostrich of course.

 

[captain clutterbuck]

..............................................or an OAP even Ostrich @"£$ Parting

 

[Peripheral]

I have solved the problem with my long hair. I was getting fed up of people thinking that I was a reincarnation of Veronica Lake so I decided on a new hairstyle. Here it is. Tell me, honestly, , what do you think? Now I need a shave. Mmm, I wonder, should I grow a beard?

 

[captain clutterbuck]

See you opted for the DA Peri , but sadly it lucks like a Duck ducking down in the river for fish. If you go for the beard never mind "Oldest Ted" you could be Rotherham's oldest Hipster .

 

[manwinoname]

hey peri you now look like Neil from the Young ones show , you could be his stunt double if they ever decide to revive that series

 

[Peripheral]

See you opted for the DA Peri , but sadly it lucks like a Duck ducking down in the river for fish. If you go for the beard never mind "Oldest Ted" you could be Rotherham's oldest Hipster .

Hips? OH, don't mention hips Captain. Ever since my fall, three years ago, everything south of my waistline has been in agony. The chuckle muscles though are functioning well and your humorous emails help to keep them well exercised. Gotta go, Jack wants to use the puter.

 

[Peripheral]

hey peri you now look like Neil from the Young ones show , you could be his stunt double if they ever decide to revive that series

Good idea Manwi. Trouble is, at my time of life I could never pass as a young one. Nice of you to think that I could though.