Peripheral
Dedicated Member
The other day the electrics went off. We, with our disabilities, couldn't manage to go checking fuses so I promptly searched through the phone book for an electrician. Have you noticed that in recent years just how thin the phone book has become? It is easy to see why when you open it up. The printing is so minute. Have I spelt that right? Minute, and should that be 'spelled that right'? Anyway, the printing these days is so small it is almost obskewer???... Err, obscure. This makes it most difficult for old far...err old people like us to read. So, we dug out the magnifying glass to try to find a suitable electrician. We had the directory propped up at one side of the room, my wife stood in the middle of the room holding the magnifying glass and I was sat against the opposite wall desperately trying to read the writing. I was shouting out instructions to my wife who is a touch on the deaf side.
"Left a bit, up a bit. Up a bit more. Come a bit closer to me. That's it, hold it right there".
I don't know what the neighbours were thinking because I had to shout the instructions due to my wife being a bit deaf.
"I WAS JUST SAYING THAT YOU ARE A BIT DEAF DEAR".
You must excuse her, poor old soul. I told her to turn the pages until we got to E's for electricians. This she did.
I eventually got the names into focus and searched for an electrician. My eyes, by now, were beginning to suffer from the squints due to the effort put into them through trying to focus. Do you have trouble with the squints? The last time I had the squints I looked in the mirror and I thought I was Chu Chinn Chow. I wasn't put off by the squints and continued my search for an electrician. Would you believe I found one called Entwistle? I phoned him and told him we were in need of his SARVICES, as Edie would say when she was putting on the posh. He said that he would be here in a couple of hours.
Two hours later he arrived. I was very surprised because he was wearing a bowler hat, carried a briefcase, and wore a striped suit. He came in and stared at us rather quizzically.
"You did say it was urgent sir"? he asked.
I nodded and he told me to drop my trousers. It was my turn to stare quizzically.
"Come along," he said, "don't be shy, drop your trousers".
I did as he asked and stared at him even more quizzicalier. Curiosity gave way and I asked him what he expected to find down there. I told him the fuse box was in the cellar.
"Fuse box?" he said with even more quizicalism. "Fuse box?"
He walked over to the light switch and tried to switch on the light. At last, I thought, now we are getting somewhere. He turned, gave a wry smile, reached into his top pocket and pulled out a business card. On it were the words:-
Earnest Entwistle, PHD
Erectile Disfunction Problems.
OOPS.
"Left a bit, up a bit. Up a bit more. Come a bit closer to me. That's it, hold it right there".
I don't know what the neighbours were thinking because I had to shout the instructions due to my wife being a bit deaf.
"I WAS JUST SAYING THAT YOU ARE A BIT DEAF DEAR".
You must excuse her, poor old soul. I told her to turn the pages until we got to E's for electricians. This she did.
I eventually got the names into focus and searched for an electrician. My eyes, by now, were beginning to suffer from the squints due to the effort put into them through trying to focus. Do you have trouble with the squints? The last time I had the squints I looked in the mirror and I thought I was Chu Chinn Chow. I wasn't put off by the squints and continued my search for an electrician. Would you believe I found one called Entwistle? I phoned him and told him we were in need of his SARVICES, as Edie would say when she was putting on the posh. He said that he would be here in a couple of hours.
Two hours later he arrived. I was very surprised because he was wearing a bowler hat, carried a briefcase, and wore a striped suit. He came in and stared at us rather quizzically.
"You did say it was urgent sir"? he asked.
I nodded and he told me to drop my trousers. It was my turn to stare quizzically.
"Come along," he said, "don't be shy, drop your trousers".
I did as he asked and stared at him even more quizzicalier. Curiosity gave way and I asked him what he expected to find down there. I told him the fuse box was in the cellar.
"Fuse box?" he said with even more quizicalism. "Fuse box?"
He walked over to the light switch and tried to switch on the light. At last, I thought, now we are getting somewhere. He turned, gave a wry smile, reached into his top pocket and pulled out a business card. On it were the words:-
Earnest Entwistle, PHD
Erectile Disfunction Problems.
OOPS.
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Watt an astute man you are Captain. Actually, my story isn't all true. When Entwistle came to the house he was celebrating his 42nd year of life on this planet so, he didn't come in a striped suit, he came in his birthday suit.