Moggie Moo
Dedicated Member
I had to forfiet my breakfast this morning due the fact that the electric toaster was having an off day. She said I had electricuted it because it had bitten me the day before. It wasn't true it was just a nip. Sitting here wondering if the coffee maker would refresh its self as the last gurgle dripped into the pot, I turned the page of chapter eight of the art of self defence for the over sixties, when out of the blue came, " Well are you going to get the garden furniture ready, its cracking the flags out there." "Thought we were going shopping" I said, hoping that had resolved the impending flag cracking which might evolve into an overcast alternative to garden furniture taming. "No! garden furniture move your self". Well I didn't offer any resistance has she had got to chapter ten in the afore mentioned book.
As I closed the cellar door out into the garden the twinging in my calf from last years mulluck with a certain striped lounger tugged in my subconcious. I mean as someone who had tangled with several service providers, I wasn't that afraid. We had grazed the glass table and four chairs out over winter so this was an easy situation to navigate. She had bought some astonishing mould and mildew cleaner so a few sprays here and there and a wipe down with a rag. Well apart from chlorinatated eyes it all went very well.
I felt in my pocket, yes I had picked up the keys and like a magpie I was drawn to the shiney brass lock on the shed. All seemed quite as I placed the key in the lock slipping it off the Hasp whilst holding the door closed. Carefully pulling open the door there was a belligerent crash as the first lounger fell over just missing my arm. Things were getting dicey, they were in a fighting mood after being locked up for three months. There had been calls for justice and appeals for freedom but I threw in the odd squirt of WD40 from time to time to pacify any protest.
I thought the best way to tackle this was to remove their upholstery and place it on an old piece of lino and assemble them once out of cover. I could see the stripey blighter and its fastenings half undone like a certain persons trouser. Leaning forward I unclipped the fastener and started to lift the stripey upholstery when suddenly from behind, a garden rake, which had formed an alliance to uphold shed superiorty, whacked me on the back of the head. I must admit I was taken aback and lost my footing falling on the stripey. The blood curdling yells I made must have frightend off a counter attack from the other matress and I withdrew outside. Smiling I laid it on the lino and rolled it up rendering it defenceless. Having broken the alliance the second matress was rounded up and placed with the other. The frames were cowering on the shed floor now and remembering how stripeys frame had tried to amputate my lower left leg I had brought a nice piece of parcel string. Carefully reaching down as it whimpered on the floor I tied the string around the folded leg. I lifted it up as it snarled but it was helpless and leaned it against the shed outside. As I entered the shed the rake decided to rally and with the hoe they chipped my shin. " I'am not calling for a medic yet you sodding implements you'll get yours when I dig the back over." Pushing them out of the way I wincingly picked up the second frame which was more submissive and kept its legs folded. Once outside I was the conquering hero and took a frame in each hand and proceded to the patio. I laid them down the required distance apart as stated by her. I opened the legs on the untied one to which it obeyed and went to the right settings. I placed on its matress and fastened it down. It seemed to sigh with relief as it basked in sun. Now the delicate operation of releasing the other begger. Swiss army knife in hand I held the offending folding leg down whilst I cut the string. Nothing! no movement, silch. Looks like I've cured this devil I thought. I started to turn it the right way up then TWANG! KAPOW! right on to my thumb. You ****** I screamed but it seem to do the trick and it let go and snapped open into position. With out hesitation I bunged the matress on top and slipped home the fasteners. "Why is it that its always your lounger that plays up" I retored as I returned to the kitchen." "Anyway they are settling now the've been oiled and washed down".Then sympathecticly I asked for a plaster.
As I closed the cellar door out into the garden the twinging in my calf from last years mulluck with a certain striped lounger tugged in my subconcious. I mean as someone who had tangled with several service providers, I wasn't that afraid. We had grazed the glass table and four chairs out over winter so this was an easy situation to navigate. She had bought some astonishing mould and mildew cleaner so a few sprays here and there and a wipe down with a rag. Well apart from chlorinatated eyes it all went very well.
I felt in my pocket, yes I had picked up the keys and like a magpie I was drawn to the shiney brass lock on the shed. All seemed quite as I placed the key in the lock slipping it off the Hasp whilst holding the door closed. Carefully pulling open the door there was a belligerent crash as the first lounger fell over just missing my arm. Things were getting dicey, they were in a fighting mood after being locked up for three months. There had been calls for justice and appeals for freedom but I threw in the odd squirt of WD40 from time to time to pacify any protest.
I thought the best way to tackle this was to remove their upholstery and place it on an old piece of lino and assemble them once out of cover. I could see the stripey blighter and its fastenings half undone like a certain persons trouser. Leaning forward I unclipped the fastener and started to lift the stripey upholstery when suddenly from behind, a garden rake, which had formed an alliance to uphold shed superiorty, whacked me on the back of the head. I must admit I was taken aback and lost my footing falling on the stripey. The blood curdling yells I made must have frightend off a counter attack from the other matress and I withdrew outside. Smiling I laid it on the lino and rolled it up rendering it defenceless. Having broken the alliance the second matress was rounded up and placed with the other. The frames were cowering on the shed floor now and remembering how stripeys frame had tried to amputate my lower left leg I had brought a nice piece of parcel string. Carefully reaching down as it whimpered on the floor I tied the string around the folded leg. I lifted it up as it snarled but it was helpless and leaned it against the shed outside. As I entered the shed the rake decided to rally and with the hoe they chipped my shin. " I'am not calling for a medic yet you sodding implements you'll get yours when I dig the back over." Pushing them out of the way I wincingly picked up the second frame which was more submissive and kept its legs folded. Once outside I was the conquering hero and took a frame in each hand and proceded to the patio. I laid them down the required distance apart as stated by her. I opened the legs on the untied one to which it obeyed and went to the right settings. I placed on its matress and fastened it down. It seemed to sigh with relief as it basked in sun. Now the delicate operation of releasing the other begger. Swiss army knife in hand I held the offending folding leg down whilst I cut the string. Nothing! no movement, silch. Looks like I've cured this devil I thought. I started to turn it the right way up then TWANG! KAPOW! right on to my thumb. You ****** I screamed but it seem to do the trick and it let go and snapped open into position. With out hesitation I bunged the matress on top and slipped home the fasteners. "Why is it that its always your lounger that plays up" I retored as I returned to the kitchen." "Anyway they are settling now the've been oiled and washed down".Then sympathecticly I asked for a plaster.
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