Peripheral
Dedicated Member
The worlds' problems are very upsetting and I do personally admit to being affected by such suffering and loss of life. It seems that my wacky stories are missed so I will try and find my humour button and hopefully raise a smile. Hope you like this Electric Entwistle.
LOCKDOWN AND A FROZEN PEA.
We are all well aware of the importance of lockdown but, how does one spend the time in an endeavour to make it bearable. Singing, dancing, jogging around the garden. I can't sing and I have great difficulty moving around, SO, I decided to make a shooting game. First, I raised my feet up on a stool and balanced some of my wife's thimbles on my toes. I opened a packet of frozen peas and with the aid of an elastic band, I fired the frozen peas, one at at a time to try and shoot the thimbles off my toes. I had shot down nine thimbles which left one on my big toe on my right foot. I took careful aim and with an extra hard pull on the elastic band, I dispatched the missile at the remaining thimble. Unfortunately, I missed the target and the frozen pea ricocheted off a table lamp and out through the open window. At that particular moment, the postman was delivering the mail. The pea, which seemed to be gathering speed, bounced off the postman's mailbag and shot up his left nostril. This caused him to fall backwards over the garden fence into the fishpond where he was promptly set upon by a man-eating goldfish. By doing a backward flip the postman managed to land head first on a sundial the force of which made the frozen pea shoot out of his earhole and onto to the push button of our neighbour's doorbell. He opened his door and was in time to see the postman, legs spread wide, still balanced by means of his head, on top of the sundial. The man-eating goldfish was trying to make a meal of that part of the postman which did have several other uses, well, to be precise, two other uses. My neighbour surveyed the scene, looked at his watch and went back into his house muttering something about his watch needing a new battery. The pea had rolled down his drive and finally come to rest on the pavement where a Great-Dane stopped to have a pee. The pea was washed into the gutter where it disappeared down a drain hole. There you have it, one big pee on top of a frozen pea. Do those two P's make you haPPy?
LOCKDOWN AND A FROZEN PEA.
We are all well aware of the importance of lockdown but, how does one spend the time in an endeavour to make it bearable. Singing, dancing, jogging around the garden. I can't sing and I have great difficulty moving around, SO, I decided to make a shooting game. First, I raised my feet up on a stool and balanced some of my wife's thimbles on my toes. I opened a packet of frozen peas and with the aid of an elastic band, I fired the frozen peas, one at at a time to try and shoot the thimbles off my toes. I had shot down nine thimbles which left one on my big toe on my right foot. I took careful aim and with an extra hard pull on the elastic band, I dispatched the missile at the remaining thimble. Unfortunately, I missed the target and the frozen pea ricocheted off a table lamp and out through the open window. At that particular moment, the postman was delivering the mail. The pea, which seemed to be gathering speed, bounced off the postman's mailbag and shot up his left nostril. This caused him to fall backwards over the garden fence into the fishpond where he was promptly set upon by a man-eating goldfish. By doing a backward flip the postman managed to land head first on a sundial the force of which made the frozen pea shoot out of his earhole and onto to the push button of our neighbour's doorbell. He opened his door and was in time to see the postman, legs spread wide, still balanced by means of his head, on top of the sundial. The man-eating goldfish was trying to make a meal of that part of the postman which did have several other uses, well, to be precise, two other uses. My neighbour surveyed the scene, looked at his watch and went back into his house muttering something about his watch needing a new battery. The pea had rolled down his drive and finally come to rest on the pavement where a Great-Dane stopped to have a pee. The pea was washed into the gutter where it disappeared down a drain hole. There you have it, one big pee on top of a frozen pea. Do those two P's make you haPPy?
