Peripheral
Dedicated Member
The Spider.
A silly story by Peri Septimus.
I was sat here this morning contemplating the weather when I observed a housefly
trying to get out through the window into the garden. Being the silly old fool that I am
I struggled to my feet in order to open the window so that the fly could make his escape. I say struggled to my feet but was somewhat hampered by the chains that Victoria had put around my legs to stop me overdoing things.
"If you remember," she said, "the doctor
told me to make sure you rested". "
"Well, that is true," I replied, "but are these iron balls really necessary?". She also has my feet encased in something that makes me look like a Subbuteo football player. Last night I fell down with that contraption on my feet and rocked myself to sleep trying to get up again. Undaunted, I took my first step towards the window when I heard a tiny voice shout "Where are you going?" It was Horace our pet spider
. He was in the process of building a web between Victoria's left nostril and her right ...... err ..... right err, thingy.
"I'm going to let the fly" out I told him.
"That's my dinner,"
he said, "what do you think I'm building this for? Do you think I'm making a bouncy castle for the bluebottles
? It's to catch food. Have you not noticed I'm losing weight?"
"Not to worry," I told him, "you can have a lump of my Weetabix."
"In that case, I won't be needing this," he said and proceeded to roll up his web into a ball just like your granny does with her wool. He put it into his little shoulder bag. "I'll knit you a pair of new underpants with that later," he said, "those you've got on are getting mouldy and starting to pong."
I opened the window for the fly to go out and as he did he waved
, gave me a big smile and said "Thank you Peri."
Cheeky little sod.
I shouted after him, "HOY, IT'S MR FARQUAHARSON SMALL TO YOU". Got no manners these flies have they?
When I got back to my seat it was covered in spiders, ....Horace had invited some of his friends round to share his Big Bang Brekky, Weetabix and privet leaf pie.
Th e END......
A silly story by Peri Septimus.
I was sat here this morning contemplating the weather when I observed a housefly
"If you remember," she said, "the doctor
"Well, that is true," I replied, "but are these iron balls really necessary?". She also has my feet encased in something that makes me look like a Subbuteo football player. Last night I fell down with that contraption on my feet and rocked myself to sleep trying to get up again. Undaunted, I took my first step towards the window when I heard a tiny voice shout "Where are you going?" It was Horace our pet spider
"I'm going to let the fly" out I told him.
"That's my dinner,"
"Not to worry," I told him, "you can have a lump of my Weetabix."
"In that case, I won't be needing this," he said and proceeded to roll up his web into a ball just like your granny does with her wool. He put it into his little shoulder bag. "I'll knit you a pair of new underpants with that later," he said, "those you've got on are getting mouldy and starting to pong."
I opened the window for the fly to go out and as he did he waved
Cheeky little sod.
I shouted after him, "HOY, IT'S MR FARQUAHARSON SMALL TO YOU". Got no manners these flies have they?
When I got back to my seat it was covered in spiders, ....Horace had invited some of his friends round to share his Big Bang Brekky, Weetabix and privet leaf pie.
Th e END......
