Peripheral
Dedicated Member
HellooOOOO, start of another day here in the UK. Some of you, in various parts of the planet, will already have used up some of that day. Other members will already be halfway through it. I do hope that you are enjoying it but please, don't use up all the good bits, save some for us.
I began my day with the usual trappings, I.E. a crane stopping outside the house and the boom being poked in through the bedroom window. I really must remember to open it first. The crane operator hoists me out of bed and deposits me on the floor in a vertical upright position. I then, carefully, negotiate various items that clutter the floor in my quest to reach the bathroom. Things like the cup that had, the night before, contained my Horlicks. An old iron safe in which we keep our money, all £2. 73p of it, a double headed gas mask ready for use in case the covids get in through the broken window and a pair of Compo look-alike wellies. After leaving the bathroom I descend, on a chair lift, to the bottom of the stairs where my wife is waiting to put on my trousers. Well, she might as well, she does run the house. I jest, she does put them on me of course. At this point I get the urge to have my second pee. I promptly make haste back to the bathroom where, to my horror, I find that my wife has put my trousers on back to front. Back on to the chair lift and down to my wife to have my trousers replaced so that the necessary aperture is at the front and not the back. She desperately tries quickly to remove my trousers. She has just pulled them down when there is a knock at the door. It was the vicar collecting for the church roof. '
"You're early this morning your vicarship. What are you collecting for this morning, the Darby and Joan's outing to the fill the bra up with dead wasps contest or the one legged backside kicking championship?"
"Yes I am early," he replied whilst squinting at my bare legs over the top of his bifocals, "about five minutes too early. Actually", he continued, "I'm collecting for the church roof. My vestments keep getting wet during the sermon when it is raining."
I tried to sell him an old umbrella but he was insistent on having the church roof repaired. Well, I suppose we must help to keep his C D............Cassock Dry
.
Has anybody got a slate they don't want?
I began my day with the usual trappings, I.E. a crane stopping outside the house and the boom being poked in through the bedroom window. I really must remember to open it first. The crane operator hoists me out of bed and deposits me on the floor in a vertical upright position. I then, carefully, negotiate various items that clutter the floor in my quest to reach the bathroom. Things like the cup that had, the night before, contained my Horlicks. An old iron safe in which we keep our money, all £2. 73p of it, a double headed gas mask ready for use in case the covids get in through the broken window and a pair of Compo look-alike wellies. After leaving the bathroom I descend, on a chair lift, to the bottom of the stairs where my wife is waiting to put on my trousers. Well, she might as well, she does run the house. I jest, she does put them on me of course. At this point I get the urge to have my second pee. I promptly make haste back to the bathroom where, to my horror, I find that my wife has put my trousers on back to front. Back on to the chair lift and down to my wife to have my trousers replaced so that the necessary aperture is at the front and not the back. She desperately tries quickly to remove my trousers. She has just pulled them down when there is a knock at the door. It was the vicar collecting for the church roof. '
"You're early this morning your vicarship. What are you collecting for this morning, the Darby and Joan's outing to the fill the bra up with dead wasps contest or the one legged backside kicking championship?"
"Yes I am early," he replied whilst squinting at my bare legs over the top of his bifocals, "about five minutes too early. Actually", he continued, "I'm collecting for the church roof. My vestments keep getting wet during the sermon when it is raining."
I tried to sell him an old umbrella but he was insistent on having the church roof repaired. Well, I suppose we must help to keep his C D............Cassock Dry
.Has anybody got a slate they don't want?
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