Now hold on, think of the benefits:
you would have steady employment
you would not fear burglars
your best friends would be pigeons
you would have to play hide the whippet in the moors
she makes a great date and walnut cake
You would get a new suit whether you wanted it or not
in hot weather, you would see Compo with his dangler
Sid would give you free cups of tea
you would get time off for good behavior (with a one beer limit)
you would get three squares a day (just like in jail)
She wouldn't want you under her feet all day
powerfully attractive fragrances (bleach, furniture polish, etc.)
I could go on and on with this one.