jokes bad or otherwise.

Discussion in 'Lets Have some Summer Wine Fun' started by George, Mar 6, 2010.

Draft saved Draft deleted
  1. Electrical Entwistle

    Electrical Entwistle Well-Known Member

    Did you hear about the drunk dung beetle?

    He fell off his stool.
     
    barmpot and dick like this.
  2. dick

    dick Well-Known Member

    What do you call a Spaniard who cant find his car ??.....................................Carlos .:rolling:
     
    barmpot and Electrical Entwistle like this.
  3. Electrical Entwistle

    Electrical Entwistle Well-Known Member

    I had a dream about Lord of the Rings. I was Tolkien in my sleep.
    I hope it doesn't happen too often, otherwise it might become a Hobbit.
     
    barmpot and dick like this.
  4. barmpot

    barmpot Well-Known Member

    It had been snowing in Iowa for hours when an announcement came over the University's intercom: "Will the students who are parked on University Drive please move their cars so that we may begin ploughing."

    Twenty minutes later there was another announcement: "Will the twelve hundred students who went to move 26 cars please return to class."
     
    Electrical Entwistle likes this.
  5. barmpot

    barmpot Well-Known Member

    December is the month when the kids begin to discuss what to get Dad for Christmas. Some insist on a shirt; others a pair of socks, and the argument always ends in a tie.
     
    Electrical Entwistle likes this.
  6. barmpot

    barmpot Well-Known Member

    As a little girl climbed onto Santa's lap, he asked her the usual question, "And what would you like for Christmas?"

    The child stared at him open mouthed and horrified for a minute, then gasped: "Didn't you get my text?"
     
    Electrical Entwistle likes this.
  7. barmpot

    barmpot Well-Known Member

    A little girl was in the kitchen watching her mother prepare for the following day's Christmas dinner.

    She asked, "Mommy, can I please have a cat for Christmas?"

    Her mommy replied, "No, you'll have turkey like the rest of us."
     
    Electrical Entwistle likes this.
  8. dick

    dick Well-Known Member

    Where do's a swimmer sit down for lunch ??............................At a pool table!:rolling:
     
  9. dick

    dick Well-Known Member

    What sort of sandals do frogs wear ??................................Open toad :08:
     
  10. dick

    dick Well-Known Member

    Why do bees hum ?......................They don't know the words !:08:

    What do you call a bee born in May ??................................A maybe !:rolling:
     
  11. captain clutterbuck

    captain clutterbuck Well-Known Member

    I do hope this is not to offensive if it is I will delete it , the humour is implied not stated.

    A man walks into a bar with a large box . The Barman enquires "What's in the box" . The man retorts "Give me a beer and I will show you " . The Barman duly complies and the man opens the box and takes out a little man and a piano who begins to play. "That;s brilliant but how did you get it" the Barman asks . "Give me another beer and I will let you use my Genie's lamp , that's how I got it" . So the Barman gives him a beer and the Man takes the lamp out the box . The Barman rubs the lamp and the Genie appears asking the Barman his wish . " A million bucks please" the Barman asks . Seconds later the bar is invaded by lots of ducks flying around. " Hey what's this I asked for a million bucks!!" the Barman shouts . The Man replies " Do you think I asked for a twelve inch Pianist" :eek::eek::08:
     
  12. dick

    dick Well-Known Member

    Sock, sock ---------Shoes there ??;)
     
    Electrical Entwistle likes this.
  13. Electrical Entwistle

    Electrical Entwistle Well-Known Member

    If athletes get athletes foot does that mean astronauts get mistletoe?
     
  14. captain clutterbuck

    captain clutterbuck Well-Known Member

    Piers Morgan is out jogging around a lake when he trips and falls in . Three boys witness this and dive in to save him, dragging him back to the bank . After he recovers he thanks the boys and offers them anything they would like for saving him . The first boy is so grateful and says " I would like to go Alton Towers for the day" "That's fine " Piers retorts . The second boy is equally as grateful and says " I would like to see Arsenal play at the Emirates stadium " " As an Arsenal fan it would be great to buy you a ticket" Piers replies.

    The third boy equally as grateful says " I would like an Electric wheelchair" . Piers is puzzled and asks " Why ? You clearly do not have any disabilities as you dived in and help save me" . The boy responds " Well when my Dad finds out I saved you !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" :)
     
  15. dick

    dick Well-Known Member

    Scientists have found out how much sleep a person needs!..........................Just five more minutes !:08:
     
  16. dick

    dick Well-Known Member

    What do you call a loaf inside the zoo ?................................Bread in captivity !:rolling:
     
    Electrical Entwistle likes this.
  17. Electrical Entwistle

    Electrical Entwistle Well-Known Member

    The funeral of the man who invented crosswords was held today. He was buried six down and three across!
     
    dick likes this.
  18. dick

    dick Well-Known Member

    Which pet makes the most noise ??..................................A trumpet !:08:
     
    Electrical Entwistle likes this.
  19. Electrical Entwistle

    Electrical Entwistle Well-Known Member

    If Geronimo jumped out of an airplane would he shout,

    "Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!
     
    dick likes this.
  20. dick

    dick Well-Known Member

    I thought about a ski-ing holiday but I let it slide:08:
     
    Electrical Entwistle likes this.

Share This Page