jokes bad or otherwise.

Discussion in 'Lets Have some Summer Wine Fun' started by George, Mar 6, 2010.

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  1. dick

    dick Well-Known Member

    What begins with T ends with T and is full of T ??......................A Teapot !:rolling:
     
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  2. dick

    dick Well-Known Member

    You hear about the scientist who invented a Time Machine? ..........................He made it tomorrow and tested it last week !:rolling::eyesroll:
     
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  3. dick

    dick Well-Known Member

    A man went to the library and asked where the self help section was. The assistant replied " I shan't tell you because that would defeat the object"! :confused:

    Wonder if she trained at the same school as Miss Davenport ?
     
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  4. dick

    dick Well-Known Member

    My wife and I were laughing about how competitive we are ! I laughed the most!!:08:
     
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  5. Electrical Entwistle

    Electrical Entwistle Well-Known Member

    What is Dracula's favorite food?

    Nectarines
     
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  6. dick

    dick Well-Known Member

    Why do squirrels swim on their backs ?.............................To keep their nuts dry !:08::rolling:
     
  7. dick

    dick Well-Known Member

    What do you get if you throw a piano down a mine shaft ?........................A- FLAT MINER ! :rolling::eyesroll:
     
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  8. dick

    dick Well-Known Member

    I think my doctor taps my knee with a rubber hammer, just for kicks !;)
     
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  9. dick

    dick Well-Known Member

    How many ears did Davy Crockett have ? A right ear , a left ear and a wild front ear !:rolling:
     
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  10. dick

    dick Well-Known Member

    How many knees do you have ? ..................................A left knee , a right knee and 2 kid-neys ! :rolling:
     
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  11. captain clutterbuck

    captain clutterbuck Well-Known Member

    Adam is walking alone around the Garden of Eden looking downcast so God asks him why he is so sad . Adam says" well lord I just lonely here on my own " . God pauses for a minute and then replies " what if I created another person who would gather and cook your food , wash and iron your clothes when you discover them , clean your abode and love you deeply bearing you many children " . Adam says " that would be absolutely wonderful but how much would such a wonderful person cost ? "

    God retorts " well that's got to be an arm and a leg" . " Then what can I get for a Rib" Adam replies.
     
  12. captain clutterbuck

    captain clutterbuck Well-Known Member

    Most men, when they marry, believe they have to pay for two rings but three rings are actually involved in marriage . Firstly its the Engagement Ring , secondly it the Wedding Ring and the third ?? ................................. Suffer Ring! :08:
     
  13. onyx(John)

    onyx(John) Super Moderator Staff Member

    A man is turned away from an exclusive nightclub because he's not wearing a tie. He goes back to his car, finds a set of jump leads, ties them around his neck and tries his luck again at the club. "I cant find a tie" he says "will this do?" The doorman pauses for a moment and says" OK you can come in but don't start anything"
     
  14. onyx(John)

    onyx(John) Super Moderator Staff Member

    My friend has a brake fluid habit. He says it's not a problem, he can stop any time..
     
  15. dick

    dick Well-Known Member

    Seen in the paper............................
    Money's so tight I have to buy Werther's Fakes ,I cant afford the originals !:08:

    I was reminiscing about when our dad used to roll us down the street inside large tires; They were Goodyears !:rolling:
     
  16. dick

    dick Well-Known Member

    What did the tooth say to the dentist as he was leaving ?...............................Fill me in when you return !:08:
     
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  17. dick

    dick Well-Known Member

    Stopping Big Ben's bongs for four years will soon take its toll ! :08::rolling:
     
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  18. dick

    dick Well-Known Member

    We need artificial intelligence.!......................The natural variety is fast disappearing!:confused:
     
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  19. dick

    dick Well-Known Member

    Why couldn't the athletes listen to music ??.................................They kept breaking their records !:08:
     
  20. Electrical Entwistle

    Electrical Entwistle Well-Known Member

    I work out religiously...at Christmas and Easter.
     
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