jokes bad or otherwise.

A shoplifter was caught red-handed trying to steal a watch from an exclusive jewelry store.

"Listen," said the shoplifter, "I know you don't want any trouble either. What do you say I just buy the watch and we forget about this?"

The manager agreed and wrote up the sales slip.

The crook looked at the slip and said, "This is a little more than I intended to spend. Can you show me something less expensive...?"
 
An old couple are about to go to bed when the wife says " You know Harry I could just fancy some Ice Cream , a big bowl of Vanilla with cherries and whipped cream on top. " " Nothing is too much trouble dear I will go and get it now." " Shall I write it down for you Harry so you don't forget" " No I'll be fine dear."

Well Harry is ages but eventually he hands her a paper bag. When she opens it there inside is a Ham sandwich . " I told you I should have written it down Harry !! NO MUSTARD"
 
Peter decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. They loaded up Peter's landrover and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. They pulled into a nearby farm house and asked the attractive lady of the house if they could spend the night.
"I'm recently widowed," she explained, "and I'm afraid the neighbours will talk if I let you stay in my house."

"Not to worry," Peter said, "we'll be happy to sleep in the barn." Nine months later, Peter got a letter from the widow's attorney. He then went up to visit his friend Bob and said, "Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow at the farm we stayed at?" "Yes, I do." Bob replied.

"Did you happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and have sex with her?" "Yes, I have to admit that I did." "Did you happen to use my name instead of telling her your name?" Bob's face turned red and he said, "Yeah, I'm afraid I did."

"Fantastic , that letter from her attorney was to say she'd passed away and left me everything!!"
 
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