Best one liners

[Adrian Morris]

Compo to Seymour...."Stick with us kid. We'll complete thy education.

 

[dick]

Blamire looking at Compo's doorstep sandwich ....................."You know if one of those ever came up in the North Sea, there'd be an international incident to decide who was going to stick a flag in it.!"

 

[daveb]

Barry about yoga: “If you concentrate hard enough you can empty your mind.”
Clegg: “Have you tried daytime television?”

 

[captain clutterbuck]

In Perfection:Thy Name is Ridley on meeting Howard Clegg utters the immortal " Here comes Howard the world was his Oyster until he found a Pearl in it.

 

[captain clutterbuck]

Apologies this is not from the show but it could have been one of the characters saying it and the apology also covers those who may have heard it but I have only just heard it and I laughed out loud. When Ken Dodd was in court for tax non payment he said in his defence:-

" Tax is collected by Inland Revenue and I thought I did not have to pay it because I live by the Sea"

 

[dick]

Howard................Well I did 5 press-ups. That must count for somethin'

 

[captain clutterbuck]

Billy: You don't want to send Howard into Space ?

Clegg: If you see Howard strapped to a stick and placed in a bottle you'd better hope I have run out of matches.

 

[Adrian Morris]

Clegg: Three things you can't escape in life. Death, Taxes and Aunty Wainwright.

 

[Adrian Morris]

Edie to Glenda..."If you don't care for what's in the parcel. You've no business to be untying the string. Drink your coffee".

 

[Adrian Morris]

Smiler..."Just don't get in my way. It's a new me. I'm a lethal weapon. Smiler. I'll give you Smiler. From now on it's Captain Catastrophe".