Summer Wine Limericks

[Peripheral]

Do we have any limeriskists ....limerickers..... err, people who can write limericks among us? I think it would be fun to limerickize the stories of SW. in limericks. I thought about this idea in the middle of the night when I got up to take a 'comfort break'. I spent the rest of the night trying to think of an opening limerick. I finally managed to write one down on my belly with a ball point pen. This morning I hastily copied it to my keyboard with the use of a mirror. Unfortunately, it was the wrong way round and upside down. With the aid of my camera and Paint Shop Pro I have finally managed to get my feeble limerick to paper. The question now is, do we have anymore limerickers out there?
Going to catch up on some zzzzz's now. Here's my effort.............


Three old men did wonder
O'er hills to sit and ponder
There was Foggy and Clegg
And Compo's mucky leg
Whose love for Nora grew fonder

 

[captain clutterbuck]

I only know one and I cant print the whole thing but...............

The boy stood on the burning deck
Eating a plate of scallops

 

[dick]

I only know one and I cant print the whole thing but...............

The boy stood on the burning deck
Eating a plate of scallops

He gave a cough ,his leg fell off and floated down the river. (That is a punch line for another "burning deck" limerick !)

 

[Peripheral]

A man from the yard called Truly
At cricket was made to feel poorly
The ball missed his pad
And that was so sad
Cos it knocked off his leg side gooly ....

 

[imitation700mb]

When Edie went out in the car,
The ladies didn't want to go far,
When she crunched the gears,
It left them with fear
As her driving was so below par.

 

[Peripheral]

At Nora's door old Compo was knocking
Nora inside was busy unlocking
She gave him some brush
And an almighty push
Then kicked him with her left wrinkled stocking

 

[onyx(John)]

He gave a cough ,his leg fell off and floated down the river. (That is a punch line for another "burning deck" limerick !)

A man sat on Westminster bridge
His legs they dangled in the water.

Longfellow.

 

[captain clutterbuck]

Courtesy of the King of Limericks Spike Milligan Esq

I sent my legs out for a walk
To keep them strong and fit
They wouldn't go without me
So I made the buggers sit!

You must never sit in an Irish stew
It's a most illogical thing to do
But should you persist against my reasoning
Don't fail to add appropriate seasoning

 

[Peripheral]

A short sighted fella called Eli
Decided to make a big fruit pie
But things became awkward
On his way to the orchard
When he fell face down in a pig sty....

 

[Roger]

There once was a lady called Marina
Who had a seductive demeanor
She dressed very flirty
She said she was thirty
But no one would ever believe her

 

[onyx(John)]

There once was a lady called Marina
Who had a seductive demeanor
She dressed very flirty
She said she was thirty
But no one would ever believe her

Very good Roger

 

[Peripheral]

I am having trouble with this one. Some help with the last line would be appreciated.

Compo and Clegg were walking a doggy
One night when the weather was soggy
They got lost in the dark
While in Holmfirth park
?
Any ideas

 

[imitation700mb]

I am having trouble with this one. Some help with the last line would be appreciated.

Compo and Clegg were walking a doggy
One night when the weather was soggy
They got lost in the dark
While in Holmfirth park
?
Any ideas

Why not try: "Who's bad idea, it was Foggy!"

 

[captain clutterbuck]

Thought rather than limerick but have you ever encountered people who blow their nose excessively loudly ? Are they indeed the Elephant in the Room . I suppose I could attempt to stay on track

Billy Big nose blew his hooter
The sound ?? A sonic Boom
His friend Big Gob Gordon thought
There's an elephant in the room.

 

[Graham]

I am having trouble with this one. Some help with the last line would be appreciated.

Compo and Clegg were walking a doggy
One night when the weather was soggy
They got lost in the dark
While in Holmfirth park
?
Any ideas

And then they bumped into Foggy

 

[Peripheral]

A very staid man was old Clegg
To whom Howard would so often beg
To deliver a letter
But Clegg got the better
And told him he'd broken his leg

 

[Peripheral]

WAISLEY


Waisley a mechanic was able
To sit and drink tea at the table
But Edie his wife
The bane of his life
Made sure he said grace from the bable

 

[Peripheral]

Ladies coffee morning


The chat was of the male gender
And Pearl was on a real bender
When asked who was sexed
Pearl really got vexed
Edie said 'Drink your coffee' to Glenda

 

[captain clutterbuck]

It's a jungle out there
said Foggy in despair
but its my destiny to bring calmness
with my coffee tipped darts and my 6, yes 6, bananas.

 

[imitation700mb]

It's a jungle out there
said Foggy in despair
but its my destiny to bring calmness
with my coffee tipped darts and my 6, yes 6, bananas.

Shouldn't that be "Horlicks" tipped darts Captain?