Best one liners

COMPO ........Nearly where , ? There's nowt up here! :cautious:

CLEGGY..........Don't tell me we've come all this way and God's not in!!:39:
 
PEARL........You've got ideas , that's always been your trouble! You've got ideas bigger than your natural capacity!:20:

HOWARD................I've never had complaints about my natural capacity .:confused:

Pearl..........Well you're getting one now!! :46:
 
Foggy........One of the sacrifices you have to make, no little woman by the cottage door, no looking round Mothercare
some of the snags of being a trained killer! :geek:
Compo..........Tha were a Corporal sign writer. :cautious:

Clegg ............But you should have seen him sharpen his pencil !:biggrin:
 
Pearl.............Why are you holding the phone down your jumper?? :20:
Howard............I always think it works better if its warm. :unsure:
Pearl..........Is that why men always stand with their back-sides to the fire? :46:
 
BARRY.........Sure you didn't tell your mother about the new car??
GLENDA ..........It were awful, I didn't tell her ,it was like telling lies!
BARRY..........In a good cause, I daren't let your father near it
GLENDA..........She was wonderin why you dropped me at the end of the street, she thinks you're having an affair!

BARRY...........That's all right then , so long as you didn't mention the car! :biggrin::thumbsup:
 
I may have used this before...................

1st policeman ...........Here we are facing danger every day!:eek:

2nd policeman...........I know what you mean, I suppose it serves us right for getting married!:unsure:
 
Sid and Ivy discussing " lovemaking"
Sid ............"Its a waste of time trying it gentle! Do you remember the last time I gave you a squeeze in bed?"
IVY................"Will you keep your voice down!":39:
SID...........".Not quite but something very similar !":thumbsdown:
 
Compo unwraps one of his sandwiches. BLAMIRE....................If ever one of those came up in the North Sea there'd be an international incident to see who'd be first to stick a flag in it !! :mad:
 
Cleggy..............Why Tuesday??

Goff Helliwell.....................She do's shepherds pie on Monday and I'm not missing that!:cautious::roflmao:
 
Ivy and Nora searching through the Veg in Charlie's shop

Ivy And Nora ........... Haven't you got anything firmer than this ?
Charlie [ the late Don Henderson] ...... The counter

Charlie ............. Are you buying anything or just poking it
Nora............. How much is it to poke
Charlie........... Twice as much as buying the way you go at it
 
Blamire to Clegg when he was quite forward in putting Ivy in her place ...

By heck Clegg, dicing with death there

You forget Cyril - years of unarmed marital combat experience

(long before he became timid)
 
HOBBO.................A spy is no good covered in Vicks Vapour rub, you'd smell him for miles.:cautious:
 
WALLY...............She'll know anyway, she'll be listening .She 's always listening!

NORAH (throwing Wally out) That's a wicked lie.!:31: He cant give you a lift , he's far too busy!!:20:
 
NORAH.................Don't you ever think of me as a woman, a person? Am I always JUST a wife??:20:
WALLY...............You've never been JUST a wife ! You're about as much wife as anybody could handle! Nobody's had more wife than I have !!:unsure::thumbsdown:
 
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