Best one liners

[dick]

Foggy............................. I want you to bury that 50p so I cant see it! Properly this time !!
Foggy..................Proceed burial party "

 

[Andrew D]

The Former Mrs. Truelove had all the arrogance of an attractive woman. It's just a pity she didn't have the face and figure to go with it.

 

[Andrew D]

One of the great foundations of DEMOCRACY is knowing where to place your machine gun. (Foggy)

 

[Andrew D]

I was never a lover. I got married instead.

 

[Andrew D]

Howard: We’re free human beings!
Wesley: Don’t be stupid, we’re married!

 

[Andrew D]

I thought he'd been dead for years; mind you, there were several of our teachers who gave that impression.

 

[Andrew D]

I'm faithful to you and Pearl!!!

 

[Andrew D]

Auntie: It’s a funeral, not his wedding night.
Clegg: I found the occasions to be verrrry similar….

(granted most of mine have been TWO liners, but at least ultimately leading to one important one)

 

[Andrew D]

(Here's one I use fairly often
I haven't had so much fun since I was sick at the fairground!

 

[dick]

Auntie: It’s a funeral, not his wedding night.
Clegg: I found the occasions to be verrrry similar….

(granted most of mine have been TWO liners, but at least ultimately leading to one important one)

Not to worry so long as the important one is there !

 

[dick]

TRULY.........................Its Smiler he's hurt his foot, the suitcase fell on it !

AUNTY........................Was the suitcase damaged ?

 

[Andrew D]

Couldn’t you have gotten something smaller, like a bungalow??

 

[dick]

You're going to need a big trap if they're all that size !

 

[Andrew D]

You're going to need a big trap if they're all that size !

That's hilarious...that's the exact one I've got playing right now (with the Giant Panda)!

 

[Andrew D]

Foggy: Why do you throw your money away on horses?
Compo: Because there are no racing giraffes!

 

[Andrew D]

If he's left his brain to science, they're going to want a refund!

 

[Andrew D]

Thinking can ruin your mind, which is why people turn to politics instead….

 

[dick]

Two wine glasses Howard ! In case one gets dirty !

 

[Andrew D]

Two wine glasses Howard ! In case one gets dirty !

That one always amazed me that Clegg gave in so easily and friendly-like with almost no comment!

 

[dick]

Earthquake detector man.to his wife....................." Have a walk round the town, annoy some shopkeepers, enjoy yourself !"