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I went to the doctors this morning complaining of a bad back. "I know how you feel. Being a big breasted woman I often suffer from lower back pain..." She sympothised as she signalled me over to lie on the bed... "Can I just ask you to remove your top so I can take a good look?" "No, you most...

What a job, peel the potatoes, slice the potatoes, batter the potatoes and then fry the potatoes. I just feel my life is frittering away.

Happy birthday George :dance: :dance:

I can't believe my neighbour is a tax dodger. He doesn't drink, smoke or drive a car.

Have a great day my friend. Remember age is just a number and 70 is a hell of a number :)

My wife keeps leaving magazines lying around with the jewelry ads circled. I got the hint. For her birthday she's getting a magazine rack

If genius really is 1% inspiration, and 99% perspiration, there were a lot of geniuses on the bus today.

What makes you blush?

If horses are not ducks or geese, how do people get down from them?

My wife is dyslexic too but typing and texting really seems to have helped.Have you found this?

Our marriage guidance counsellor told my wife that I need help to re-build my self confidence. So she told me that some women are really attracted to fat ugly men.

My dog Minton just ate my shuttlecock. Bad Minton.

I was so down that I bought a bunch of lucky heather from a Gypsy for £5. I felt so lucky that I decided to bet everything I own on the 3:30 at Sandown. Unfortunately the bookie wouldn't accept £5 worth of lucky heather.

Not a remake,but I'd love to see what the Young Ones ,Neil,Rik,Vyvian and Mike are doing now.

Bad news about the Local Soup Factory. It's gone into Ad Minestrone.

Apparently if your girlfriend or wife ever says "if anything happens to me, I want you to meet someone new...." "anything" doesn't include getting stuck in traffic.

My mate walked up to me in the pub last night and said, "Who's the girl sitting in the corner with duct tape across her mouth?" "That's my new girlfriend." I replied. "Really?" he said, "You've kept that one quiet.

I had to take a 60-mile train journey for a simple operation. I'd hardly call that a local anaesthetic.

:)

A friend said I should try online dating, then I'll be able to find someone just like me. Personally, I don't want to date an ugly fat bloke