jokes bad or otherwise.

I went to the doctors this morning complaining of a bad back.
"I know how you feel. Being a big breasted woman I often suffer from lower back pain..." She sympothised as she signalled me over to lie on the bed...
"Can I just ask you to remove your top so I can take a good look?"
"No, you most certainly can not," she replied.
 
A Somerset couple have been living upstairs for the past five weeks because the ground floor is under a foot of water.
They were reaching the end of their tether when a British Red Cross boat stopped outside the house.
'Thank God you're here' shouted the man, 'have you come to help us'?
'No, we're collecting donations for Syria'
 
A man was talking in the pub about valentine gifts and said that he had got his wife a new bag and a new belt.

"That's nice" said his friend; "yes" replied the man "the vacuum cleaner should work a lot better now". ;D ;D ;D
 
Love this one:


The Walmart Greeter​

2A5284F3-6175-4BFE-968F-D614020627D2_zpsa213be43.jpg

Charley, a new retiree-greeter at Wall-Mart, just couldn't seem to get to work on time. Every day he was 5, 10, 15 minutes late.
But he was a good worker, really tidy, clean-shaven, sharp minded and a real credit to the company and obviously demonstrating their "Older Person Friendly" policies.

One day the boss called him into the office for a talk.

"Charlie, I have to tell you, I like your work ethic, you do a bang up job, but your being late so often is quite bothersome."

"Yes, I know boss, and I am working on it."

''Well good, you are a team player. That's what I like to hear. It's odd though your coming in late.
I know you're retired from the Armed Forces. What did they say if you came in late there?"





A3936638-E0BE-48F4-BFED-339F6A21D480_zpsadddace5.jpg

''They said, "Good morning Admiral, can I get your coffee, sir?'''
 
WICOE
(Women In Charge Of Everything)

Is proud to announce the opening of its
EVENING CLASSES FOR MEN!
OPEN TO MEN ONLY
ALL ARE WELCOME

Note: due to the complexity and level of difficulty, each course will accept a maximum of 50 participants

The course covers two days, and topics covered in this course include:

DAY ONE

HOW TO FILL ICE CUBE TRAYS
Step by step guide with slide presentation

TOILET ROLLS- DO THEY GROW ON THE HOLDERS?
Roundtable discussion

DIFFERENCES BETWEEN LAUNDRY BASKET & FLOOR
Practising with hamper (Pictures and graphics)

DISHES & SILVERWARE;
DO THEY LEVITATE/FLY TO KITCHEN SINK
OR DISHWASHER BY THEMSELVES?
Debate among a panel of experts.

REMOTE CONTROL
Losing the remote control - Help line and support groups

LEARNING HOW TO FIND THINGS
Starting with looking in the right place
Instead of turning the house upside down while screaming -
Open forum


DAY TWO

EMPTY MILK CARTONS;
DO THEY BELONG IN THE FRIDGE OR THE BIN?
Group discussion and role play

HEALTH WATCH;
BRINGING HER FLOWERS IS NOT HARMFUL TO YOUR HEALTH
PowerPoint presentation

REAL MEN ASK FOR DIRECTIONS WHEN LOST
Real life testimonial from the one man who did

IS IT GENETICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO SIT QUIETLY
AS SHE PARALLEL PARKS?
Driving simulation

LIVING WITH ADULTS;
BASIC DIFFERENCES BETWEEN
YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR PARTNER
Online class and role playing

HOW TO BE THE IDEAL SHOPPING COMPANION
Relaxation exercises, meditation and breathing techniques

REMEMBERING IMPORTANT DATES
& CALLING WHEN YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATE
Bring your calendar or PDA to class

GETTING OVER IT;
LEARNING HOW TO LIVE WITH BEING WRONG ALL THE TIME
Individual counsellors available​

[size=18pt]THINKS - IS THIS REALLY A JOKE?[/size]
 
No this is not a joke! While the washing baskets lies empty and your sock are on the floor. So long has you mouth is full of blood from biting your tongue while she parallel parks this will never be a joke! >:(


;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
 
See the news .......ANT MCPARTLIN of Ant and Dec fame sliced off the tip of his thumb while preparing lunch for Dec. Did you want fries with that sir?? ::) ::)
 
dick said:
See the news .......ANT MCPARTLIN of Ant and Dec fame sliced off the tip of his thumb while preparing lunch for Dec. Did you want fries with that sir?? ::) ::)
Click to expand...

Two Geordie s and a knife, never a good combo! :o
;D ;D
 
Pearl-Susan. said:
No this is not a joke! While the washing baskets lies empty and your sock are on the floor. So long has you mouth is full of blood from biting your tongue while she parallel parks this will never be a joke! >:(


;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
Click to expand...

Total irrelevancy designed to annoy. Why is it called 'parallel parking' when the cars end up nose to tail?
 
[/quote]

Total irrelevancy designed to annoy. Why is it called 'parallel parking' when the cars end up nose to tail?
[/quote]

I've often thought that but have never asked in case people just thought I was being blonde!! >:(
 
A group of men, all aged 40, discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because the waitresses had big breasts & wore mini-skirts.

Ten years later, at age 50, the friends once again discussed where they should meet for lunch.
Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because the food and service was good and the beer was excellent.

Ten years later, at age 60, the friends again discussed where they should meet for lunch.
Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because they could dine in peace and quiet and it was good value for money.

Ten years later, at age 70, the friends discussed where they should meet for lunch.
Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because the restaurant was wheelchair accessible and had a toilet for the disabled.

Ten years later, at age 80, the friends discussed where they should meet for lunch.
Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because they had never been there before.
 
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