Dad Has Alzheimers

Pearl

Pearl

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So added to dad's other medical issues he has now been diagnosed with alzheimers, he's not in the early stages so we've hit the ground running. He's had several infections this year which seems to accelerate the disease and leaves him very confused and weak. We've moved him in with me and my husband and son who do help but he seems to question every thing I do and I'm now the "bad guy" so my new name is nurse Rachet. However, I love my dad and I endevour to look after him after I've performed the lobotomy. We find keeping a sense of humour grounding and I'm pleased to say for the most part so has dad.
 
If anyone can work out what I'd be doing in a fishing boat with a strange woman I'd glad of some clues, this is one of the many scenarios dad has put me in, also it seems we have a monkey called Nicos!!
 
I am sorry to hear that this has happened to your Dad. It is not an easy thing when Alzheimer's touches someone close to us. Try to stay as strong, patient and understanding as you can. You are a good person for bringing him in to your home to take care of him.
 
RickAns said:
I am sorry to hear that this has happened to your Dad. It is not an easy thing when Alzheimer's touches someone close to us. Try to stay as strong, patient and understanding as you can. You are a good person for bringing him in to your home to take care of him.
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We promised him years ago he wouldn't end up in a home so I'm not going back on that, no matter how hard it gets. He didn't abandon me when I got difficult so I'm not abandoning him.
 
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Sorry to hear about your dad Pearl. I can sympathise as I am going through exactly the same thing with my mother at the moment.
Like you, I am the "bad guy" and "don't care" which is pretty hard to take, even when you know they are not really themselves.

Mum has the onset of dementia and her short term memory, which has been pretty bad is getting steadily worse. She pretty much has NO short term memory and her long term memory, while good, is substituting
for the short. She confuses things that happened 30+ years ago with things that happened yesterday! To make it worse we had to have her little companion dog put down about a month ago due to old age and extreme ill health.
She is in no condition to look after another one, but I now have to do a "death" notification every couple of hours as she keeps looking for it. She is convinced it was with her "this morning" and it has escaped, or the dog pound has it.

Unfortunately Pearl there is nothing that can be done and my situation, and I suspect YOUR situation is only going to get worse. It puts a hell of a strain on YOU and the family to look after someone in that condition, especially when other close family members are also seriously ill.

All I can say is Good Work....and good luck!:(
 
I am so so sorry to hear about your Dad Pearl it is so difficult to see the person who raised you , cared and loved you be in this position . My Mam has had a series of medical issues this year and sadly has had to go into a home . I had to think long and hard before deciding it was for the best Mam clearly was incapable of looking after herself and needed full time attention with every aspect of life that I simply could not provide [ up until the illnesses she was independent was always out and about ] .

Mam suffered from two debilitating illnesses and went into respite care where she took a fall because she thought as other people could get out of the dining chair she could but of course she fell and ended up back in hospital with a small brain bleed.

She got over that went home for a day and even with carers could not manage and so without the facilities to give her the care and attention she needed took the decision to admit her to a home near her house . Whilst she was in there she suffered a stroke and whilst she had no paralysis or speech impediment it did affect her mental capacity . So I have been through the full gambit of "stories and imaginary incidents " you describe its the hardest thing in the world to deal with but you just have to stay strong and take solace from the times of lucidity .
 
Brian, Captain we should form a support group, we could go out and have meetings somewhere nice like Las Vagas or Rochester anywhere really. I think the cruellest part is having to watch the distress your loved one is in and not being able to do a damn thing about it. My best wishes to both of you.
 
Pearl

Thank you it is so distressing I have just had two phone calls which are an example of what you sometimes face and its so difficult you just have to be patient . First one was panic because Mam was somehow convinced the home was closing and worried what would happen . People were leaving in droves , all it was were the visitors who go up in greater numbers at the weekend leaving after their visit . The second was ten minutes later perfectly lucid saying how much she had enjoyed her dinner and was looking forward to Dragons Den. Support group gets my vote .
 
captain clutterbuck said:
Pearl

Thank you it is so distressing I have just had two phone calls which are an example of what you sometimes face and its so difficult you just have to be patient . First one was panic because Mam was somehow convinced the home was closing and worried what would happen . People were leaving in droves , all it was were the visitors who go up in greater numbers at the weekend leaving after their visit . The second was ten minutes later perfectly lucid saying how much she had enjoyed her dinner and was looking forward to Dragons Den. Support group gets my vote .
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I think it's often just had distressing for the family members getting the phone calls, you desperately want too help but you can't. I've just had to explain to my dad who I am and why we're living together, my husband he remembers!!! I'm really dreading him asking about man, I don't think I'll be able to cope .
 
As you know I am well acquainted with this disease. Unfortunately there is no cure, any medication can only slow down the progress of the disease not reverse it. I was checking with a researcher at a University last week end and they confirmed that to restore memory is a very long way off. The only approach is to identify early signs and prevent the tangles and plaques in the brain developing. Once lost memory can not be recreated.

The more support you can have Pearl the better - and then keeping your Dad out of a home should be feasible. There is a lot of support -check your local ALzheimer's Society for information - they have many sheets giving all sorts of details. Make sure you get input from the local mental health team. Any advice or suggestions you ant off site Pearl - you have the contact details ...

My wife had to go into care as there was only me and with my health there was a very real danger of my succumbing unless they did something: for us domiciliary support was costing them more than residential care! So at some stage you may need to fight - I am sure you will.
 
barmpot said:
As you know I am well acquainted with this disease. Unfortunately there is no cure, any medication can only slow down the progress of the disease not reverse it. I was checking with a researcher at a University last week end and they confirmed that to restore memory is a very long way off. The only approach is to identify early signs and prevent the tangles and plaques in the brain developing. Once lost memory can not be recreated.

The more support you can have Pearl the better - and then keeping your Dad out of a home should be feasible. There is a lot of support -check your local ALzheimer's Society for information - they have many sheets giving all sorts of details. Make sure you get input from the local mental health team. Any advice or suggestions you ant off site Pearl - you have the contact details ...

My wife had to go into care as there was only me and with my health there was a very real danger of my succumbing unless they did something: for us domiciliary support was costing them more than residential care! So at some stage you may need to fight - I am sure you will.
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Thank you Rod, I've been resisting the need to ask for help but after this weekend and my brother having a go at me for being stubborn I'm going to make the phone call tomorrow, I want do this for has long has I can but I'm not superwoman, I know that but I am lucky in that I do have help, my husband, son and two daughters help out has does my brother, I even have the oldest grandchild coming in once a week to clean the bedrooms so am very lucky.
 
Pearl...ASK FOR HELP!! and USE IT!!!

I too took a while to ask for help and it pretty much knocked me for a six before I did.

My mother is living independently in a Granny flat in our back yard but that will not be able to continue much longer.
I finally decided that help was needed and I now have home help come in every day to clean and also for company for Mum.

Unfortunately with my situation, HERS aggravates mine and this is not good for either of our health. I am now just starting the process of formally becoming legal guardian etc as
the doctors have now determined she is incapable of looking after her own affairs. While I have been doing it "De-facto" as it were for the last few years, I have been putting off actually going through
the legal procedure. I don't really have a choice any more!:(

The only way people can deal with situations like this is to be detached from the situation. BUT when it is your own family member, that is VERRRRY difficult. It also places a strain on the rest of the family.
Just remember that in order to care for your Dad, YOU have to take care of yourself first. It seems very selfish but you do no-one any favours by not getting help.

I know the health care situations in different countries varies so I don't know how yours operates exactly but all I can say is take every bit of help you can get! (I am still struggling & trying to apply that advise to myself. :coffee: )
 
I am so, so sorry...I have some experience with this as well, and how gut-wrenching it is to know the person you love is gone, and yet their body lingers in torment.
 
Brian, I'm asking for help today, I've been doing dad's finances for a few years too but now have the paperwork to make it legal, my brother was needing dad to sign a cheque but I said they won't accept it, you need me to sign it, when he asked why I said because dad's not signed a cheque for about 5 years!! So I think we should make it legal at some point or I'll end up in the clink.
 
Andrew D said:
I am so, so sorry...I have some experience with this as well, and how gut-wrenching it is to know the person you love is gone, and yet their body lingers in torment.
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I think we all know someone in the same boat, which is a comfort even if it means someone else is suffering.
 
Pearl I have been through the Lasting Power of Attorney process recently I am just waiting for the approval to come through . Whilst the forms are straightforward the legal part of the process to have all the relevant people sign was difficult and clearly driven by due process . My Mam found it quite upsetting because it was another indication that she was losing control of her own destiny but there is no real choice she is not capable of banking online and clearly would be unable to visit the bank personally .
 
It was my dad's idea to do it, my brother and I had spoken about it but dad's the one insisting now so again I'm quite lucky there. There are certain things he's resisting but slowly he's coming to terms with it, he knows he can't be alone and is desperate not to go in a home so I think he's just grateful for that, well during the day he is in the middle of the night is different kettle of fish.
 
I applied jointly with my sister to effectively be joint attorneys and nominated my brother in law as a deputy so everything within the close family was done as a joint decision . If either of us were unable to undertake something for whatever reason the other could act on my Mam's behalf.
 
captain clutterbuck said:
I applied jointly with my sister to effectively be joint attorneys and nominated my brother in law as a deputy so everything within the close family was done as a joint decision . If either of us were unable to undertake something for whatever reason the other could act on my Mam's behalf.
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Yes that's how we're working it too, me and brother and my husband has deputy.
 
Are you doing LPA for finance and property only or with the second one for health etc as well. Separate form but, believe me, simpler if you can get it for health and car as well (double cost I know) but later on much more complicated if you have not got it. Might not need it but it is about peace of mind.


Do not actually need a solicitor, as the forms tell you what to do and the Office fo the Public Guardian will answer queries for you.
 
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