jokes bad or otherwise.

A minister in a little church announced: "Before we pass the collection plate, I would like to request that the person who stole the chickens from Brother Martin's hen house please refrain from giving any money to the Lord. The Lord doesn't want money from a thief!"

The collection plate was passed around, and for the first time in months everybody gave.
 
A first-grader came to the ophthalmology office where I work to have his vision checked. He sat down and I turned off the lights.

Then I switched on a projector that flashed the letters F, Z and B on a screen. I asked the boy what he saw.

Without hesitation he replied, "Consonants."
 
I volunteered recently to perform a parachute jump for charity. On our first day of training, the instructor made an important point about preparing for landing at 300 feet.

"How do you know when you're at 300 feet?" asked one new jumper.

"A good question," replied the instructor. "At 300 feet you can recognize the faces of people on the ground."

The jumper thought about this for a while before saying, "What happens if there's no one there I know?"
 
A man and woman were having a quiet, romantic dinner in a fine restaurant. They were gazing lovingly at each other and holding hands.

The waitress, taking another order at a table a few steps away, suddenly noticed the woman slowly sliding down her chair, under the table and under the table cloth but the man stared straight ahead.

The waitress watched as the woman slid all the way down her chair and totally out of sight under the tablecloth.. Still, the man stared straight ahead.

The waitress, thinking this behavior a bit risqué and worried that it might offend other diners,went over to the table and, tactfully, began by saying to the man:


"Pardon me sir, but I think your wife just slid under the table."

The man calmly looked up at her and said:

"No she didn't, she just walked in."​
 
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