Quotable Arkwright.....

  • Thread starter Thread starter Barrychuckle
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Granville: Look at the time! Quarter to nine and I’m held here in the clutches of my wicked uncle.
Arkwright: Your uncle is going to be wicked across the road, clutching something else entirely.

Another :eek: Oh Matron moment but not unique there were some more risque lines written by Roy Clarke probably more than we all remember because they get lost in all of the other comedic sub plots in the show.
 
Winston : You'll never guess what she wanted me to do on my honeymoon
Arkwright : Now Winston you shouldn't be making what happened on your honeymoon public.
Winston: She only wanted me to prove I loved her by redoing the bathroom. Have you tried those self adhesive tiles I were up unti 2 in the morning trying to free myself from her nightie.
 
Granville bedecked in crombie and bowler hat with accompanying umbrella. Arkwright under pressure from the Black Widow.

Granville Can I have £5 for a taxi.
Arkwright Yes , why not I'm wreckless .
Black Widow When did you start sending your Errand Boys by taxi
Arkwright [laughingly ] It's only money!!
Black Widow departs uttering clearly your not yourself I'll pop back later when you've recovered your sanity.
Granville Returns He says can he have a tip
Arkwright A tip!! I'll give him a tip , THE TIP OF YOUR UMBRELLA!! stabbing Granville in the backside
 
Granville making an apple pie Arkwright whistling and singing if I can help somebody Granville nervously drops the knife he is trimming the pie with.

Arkwright : That boy's always dropping his p-pastry trimmer willy-nilly. '' You're a willy-nilly pastry trimmer dropper
 
Arkwright :That's a nice coat Mrs Braddock and how are you today
Mrs B : Very well Mr Arkwright I'm off to town so I was wondering if you can cash me a cheque
Arkwright : A che che che cheque !! How much
Mrs B : £5 please Mr Arkwright
Arkwright: Fi Fi Fi Five pounds well I have to buy Granville all his clothes and times are hard
Mrs B : All I ever see him in is that cap.

Arkwright turns his back pulls a chain out of his pocket which has a roll of money attached , Hel peels off a fiver and spends a minute checking its only one and not two stuck together and he gives the cheque the third degree before handing it over , classic.
 
captain clutterbuck said:
I like the episode when Granville rebels discards the pinny and replaces it with a bright shirt open to the waste and adorns himself with a chain and cocoa lid as a medallion . Whilst he is chatting to Jellytot Julie at the counter about his image change after Julie notices the change he says "Oh these old clothes , they are just something I threw on " Arkwright walks past and utters "I think you missed!"
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Shades of Howard when he decided to up his image by sporting his Hawaiian shirt.
 
Tango Red Leader Bristow enters the shop in full dress blacks and a black brain bucket, unable to hear a thing. Arkwright causes the visor to jamb shut. Bristow speaks but is muffled by the stuck-closed helmet visor. Granville says "it sounds like someone whose head is stuck in a Russian wrestler's armpit". Although a great quote, the description conjures up a broader sensual experience, head being squeezed like a grape, nothing worth looking at. essence of locker room fragrance, immobility, loss of hearing and speech, a feeling of helplessness while trying to muster the strength to overcome the situation, etc.
 
Arkwright : Granville stop concentrating on them Horror stories and serve the Customers
Granville : What Customers!!
Arkwright: Well there's Bickerdyke here his just bought two Beers , that's 80p get the money in the till Granville

The tailor had been dragged around the block with his coat stuck in the rear door of his van with Granville driving. Arkwright offers him a can of beer to calm his nerves.
 
Seymour Upperthong said:
Tango Red Leader Bristow enters the shop in full dress blacks and a black brain bucket, unable to hear a thing. Arkwright causes the visor to jamb shut. Bristow speaks but is muffled by the stuck-closed helmet visor. Granville says "it sounds like someone whose head is stuck in a Russian wrestler's armpit". Although a great quote, the description conjures up a broader sensual experience, head being squeezed like a grape, nothing worth looking at. essence of locker room fragrance, immobility, loss of hearing and speech, a feeling of helplessness while trying to muster the strength to overcome the situation, etc.
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I think there must be a support group for you ...
 
Arkwright: Have you finished stacking those tomatoes
Granville : Great here's me strolling down the street in my White Tux and into the casino at Monte the crowd hush and the whisper goes around " Mon Dieu it is Granville the tomato stacker.
Arkwright: Would you prefer to be a cheese biscuit purveyor , a cream cracker stacker.
 
captain clutterbuck said:
Arkwright: Have you finished stacking those tomatoes
Granville : Great here's me strolling down the street in my White Tux and into the casino at Monte the crowd hush and the whisper goes around " Mon Dieu it is Granville the tomato stacker.
Arkwright: Would you prefer to be a cheese biscuit purveyor , a cream cracker stacker.
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I could sit with a pen and paper for a decade and not come up with anything nearly as funny. Roy Clarke is an absolute genius.
 
Arkwright : In our days pleasures were confined to inside the marital home though some did go outside like Tommy Wilcox . He went to London under a railway bridge . People seemed to favour railway bridge's in those days . Unfortunately for Tommy mid amorous encounter one of his braces got caught in a shunter and he was whisked off mid nup to Clapham junction. :eek: Oh Matron.
 
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