A man and his blonde girlfriend were sitting in a pub watching the Tour-de France on TV.
The blonde shook her head and asked, "Why do they do that?"
"Do what?" asked the man.
"Go on them bikes for miles, up and down the hills, round the bends. Day
after day, week after week. No matter if what the weather? .. .. ..
why would they torture themselves like that?"
"It's all for the prestige and the money," replied Mick, "You know the winner gets about a half a million Euros?
"Yeah, I understand that." said the blonde, "But why do all the others do it?"
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My life's been a living hell ever since all my numbers came up on the lottery.
Everywhere I go in town , I see them pointing and whispering:
"That's him - the daft sod that lost his lottery ticket."
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I thought my next door neighbour had Tourette's.
Turns out he was just building some IKEA furniture.
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My wife asked, "If I died tomorrow, how long would you wait before sleeping with another woman?"
I said, "10 years."
"Aww really, why?" she smiled.
I said, "They'd probably let me out on parole by then."
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The wife has just nominated me to do the ice bucket challenge. I'm a little confused.
Has anyone else been asked to hold a toaster at the same time?
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I've cooked my wife a dinner using one of Gordon Ramsay's recipes.
If she doesn't f*****g like it she can just f*****g f*** off.
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I phoned the local radio station today. The presenter answered and said, "Congratulations on being our first caller, all you have to do is answer the following question correctly, to win our grand prize."
"That's fantastic!" I shouted in delight.
"Feel confident?" he asked. "It's a maths question."
"Well, I've got a degree in maths and teach it at my local school," I proudly replied.
"Ok then, to win our grand prize of 2 front row seats to a Justin Bieber concert and to meet him backstage what is 2+2?"
"7" I replied.
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