On a beautiful Sunday morning everybody in the town is at Church. Out of nowhere the Devil appears , everybody starts screaming and running out the doors, tripping over each other, but one old man just sits there .
The Devil is confused , walks up to him and asks if he knows who he is. The old man says I certainly do. The Devil asks "Are you not afraid of me people normally are ." A resounding " No " is the old man's answer.
The Devil is even more confused and asks "Why ?" " Because I was married to your sister for 48 years." is the Old Man's answer.
An old, tired-looking dog wandered into the garden. I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home.
He followed me into the house, down the hall, and fell asleep on the couch. An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out. The next day he was back, resumed his position on the couch and slept for an hour. This continued for several weeks. Curious, I pinned a note to his collar: 'Every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap.'
The next day he arrived with a different note pinned to his collar: 'He lives in a home with four children -- he's trying to catch up on his sleep. Can I come with him tomorrow?'
An Emergency call Centre Operator has been dismissed from her job after being reported that her reply to a 999 call was inappropriate and not the correct response.
The call was from a depressed man who was lying on a railway line waiting for a train to come so he could meet his maker.
The operator told him to "remain calm and stay on the line".
A motorcyclist had pulled up at traffic lights when a car pulled up and the driver ran up to him.
"Goodness sake man , didn't you realise your passenger had fallen off when you took that bend a mile back ?"
The biker said" Thank goodness , I thought I'd gone deaf !!"
A vicar went into the pet shop for something to keep him company.
The assistant said "What about this parrot ? Pull the strong on his right leg and he whistles Rock of ages . Pull the string on his left leg and he recites The Lords Prayer!"
"What happens if I pull both at once " asked the vicar?
" I fall off my perch "!screeched the parrot !