Best one liners

[dick]

You've got a real flair for stupidity Foggy! :roflmao:

 

[dick]

FOGGY.................What's the scientific term for flashes in front of your eyes?? :geek:

CLEGGY...........Indecent exposure?

 

[gill]

Howard is arguing with Pearl about her going out. Howard say 's your a married woman Pearl replie's and look what too

 

[dick]

Another Pearl- ism .............Close your mouth before you find your other foot in it!

 

[dick]

Bus Conductress.............No vehicles on the vehicle !!
Cleggy.............It's a parcel , a parcel!!

Conductress..............Go on clever beggar, you try posting it!!

 

[dick]

Blamire............She was to be mine when I obtained a higher position with the Water Board!
I had every expectation , people retire and every now and then somebody would drown! :sneaky:

 

[captain clutterbuck]

Blamire , Clegg and Compo in the library . Clegg " Who's this girl he fancies Godwyn's Lass?" Compo " She's a Horse"

 

[onyx(John)]

He's got more rattle than Rafferty's shed.

 

[dick]

COMPO.....................You want to strangle them poor little children?? .............Use your pole that's what it's for!:sneaky:

 

[dick]

Foggy to Smiler with the motorbike ..............Its practically all downhill from the top of the hill! You could give us all a lift! :geek:

Compo .............Good plan, we'll see you at the top of the hill Smiler!:sneaky:

 

[gill]

Compo talking to Clegg COMPO. Hey Norm what's a trice? CLEGG. It's like a jiffy but with 3 wheel's

 

[captain clutterbuck]

After Foggy had swum in the Sea at Scarborough Compo- " You'll be able to listen to his teeth chattering all the way home , it'll be like a jar full of marbles in a spin dryer"

 

[dick]

Norah .............I told him " Look at the seagulls"! He said.............".You cant race seagulls!"

 

[gill]

Compo is looking for the dried date that Nora threw at him as he wants to be buried with it. Clegg says Have you thought about cremation with a few more ingredient's you'd come up like a fruit cake

 

[onyx(John)]

 

[dick]

WALLY..........Oh ta !! o:

NORAH......How many times do you have to wash up??

WALLY........Every blasted Christmas!

 

[gill]

Foggy talking about splinter's. You don't call these midget things spinter's, I've seen em out east as big as tent peg's

 

[dick]

Compo............Me Little gaping Fly !
Foggy..........Him speak with forked tongue, him Big Gaping Fly!
Compo.........Tomahawks! :sneaky:
Foggy...........Moccasins to you too!! :cautious:

 

[gill]

Cleggy talking about Auntie Wainwright. I'm not going near her without a crucifix and a boat load of garlic

 

[captain clutterbuck]

What we know about cars you can count on the fingers of our right legs