jokes bad or otherwise.

[barmpot]

Did you know there is a species of antelope capable of jumping higher than the average house?
This is due to its powerful hind legs and the fact that the average house cannot jump.

 

[barmpot]

Employed as a dental nurse, I was on duty when Steve came for wisdom tooth extraction.

I took him into the examining room and made him comfortable in the reclining dental chair.

The dentist then injected a numbing agent around Steve's tooth, and left the room for a few minutes while the medication took hold.

When the dentist returned, Steve was standing next to a tray of dental equipment, "What are you doing by the surgical instruments?" asked the surprised dentist.

Focused on his task, Steve replied, "I'm taking out the ones I don't like."

 

[barmpot]

If we weren't meant to juggle, tennis balls wouldn't come three to a can.

 

[barmpot]

A farmer lived in Minnesota, right on the border with Iowa. One day he saw a team of surveyors working along the road. They measured and argued and measured again. Finally they came up to the farm house.

"Sir, we have some news for you," they said. "It looks like the old map was completely wrong about the border. Your farm is actually in Iowa!"

"That's wonderful!" cried the farmer, "No more of those terrible Minnesota winters!"

 

[Electrical Entwistle]

I heard that boomerangs are making a comeback!

 

[dick]

Which computer has the best voice ? ...........................A DELL

 

[dick]

Is there a word in the English language that contains all the vowels ?? .....................Unquestionably !

 

[Electrical Entwistle]

A patient bursts into a doctor’s office and says, “Doctor, I believe I’m a deck of cards!”

The Doctor calmly replies, “Go sit in the waiting room, I’ll be dealing with you later.”

 

[dick]

What happened when a semi-colon broke the rules of grammar ??
He was given two consecutive sentences !

 

[dick]

Being an undertaker is not a dead end job!

 

[dick]

A farmers son went to work in the city and became a shoe shine boy. So the father was at home making hay while the son shone!

 

[Electrical Entwistle]

I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

 

[dick]

What could you call a reptile lost in a snowstorm??........................A blizzard?

 

[Electrical Entwistle]

Vikings were expert mariners – you can lead a Norse to water, but you can’t make him sink!

 

[dick]

What is the difference between ignorance and apathy ??

I don't know and I don't care !!

 

[Electrical Entwistle]

My doctor told me I have to watch my drinking. So now I only drink in front of a mirror.

 

[dick]

What do you call a snowman in July ??........................A puddle !

 

[Electrical Entwistle]

My girlfriend and I often laugh about how competitive we are.

But I laugh more.

 

[dick]

How do's a steam train eat?.......................It go's chew chew!

 

[barmpot]

Sign on a door: Push. If that doesn't work. Pull. If that doesn't work, we're closed.