jokes bad or otherwise.

[dick]

Hear about the pregnant bed bug?? She's having her baby in the spring !

 

[dick]

My bank manager is so pleased with me ,he keeps sending me letters saying my account is OUTSTANDING !!

 

[Electrical Entwistle]

What does a cashier in a police station do?

Counts coppers.

 

[dick]

I nearly got arrested for stealing a board game. It was a RISK I was willing to take !

 

[Electrical Entwistle]

How do we know Moses wore a wig.

Sometimes he was seen with Aaron and sometimes without.

 

[dick]

You're only young once but You can be immature forever !

 

[dick]

One wind turbine asked the other what kind of music it liked. "Oh I'm a big metal fan !" was the reply!

 

[Electrical Entwistle]

What do you call an Arab dairy farmer?

A milk sheik.

 

[dick]

Why is a circle the most useless shape ? There's no point to it !

 

[Electrical Entwistle]

What do you get if you cross a dolphin with an elephant?

Swimming Trunks

 

[dick]

What did the Penne say to the Fusilli before it went on holiday ?
Pasta la vista !

 

[Electrical Entwistle]

What's worse than raining cats and dogs?

Hailing taxis.

 

[dick]

Why did the witches lose their cricket match ??.....................Their bats flew away !

 

[Electrical Entwistle]

If at first you don't succeed...so much for skydiving!

 

[dick]

There was a paddle sale at the boat yard..............It was quite an oar deal !

 

[Electrical Entwistle]

What were Tarzan's last words?

"Who greased that vine!"

 

[dick]

I've stopped getting shocks when I touch metal ! ............................I'm ex- static !

 

[barmpot]

TODAY'S STOCK MARKET REPORT:

Helium was up.
Feathers were down.
Paper was stationary.
Fluorescent tubing was dimmed in light trading.
Knives were up sharply.
Cows steered into a bull market.
Pencils lost a few points.
Hiking equipment was trailing.
Elevators rose, while escalators continued their slow decline.
Light switches were off.
Mining equipment hit rock bottom.
Diapers remain unchanged.
Shipping lines stayed at an even keel.
The market for raisins dried up.
Coca Cola fizzled.
Caterpillar stock inched up a bit.
Balloon prices were inflated.
And batteries exploded in an attempt to recharge the market.

 

[barmpot]

The trouble with getting to work on time is that it makes the day so long

 

[barmpot]

The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket.