jokes bad or otherwise.

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!"

After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up.

The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?"

"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"
 
PARENTAL EXCUSES

These are actual excuse notes from parents excusing their children from missing school (and these include the original spelling) otherwise tere is less fun in them:

~ My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him.

~ Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.

~ Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33.

~ Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.

~ John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.
 
Soem more parental excuses :

~ Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.

~ Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.

~ Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.

~ Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.

~ Please excuse Tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhoea and his boots leak.
 
And a final tranche of excuses - I understand that originate from the USA, which seems likely as we do not pick up newspapers from a porch ...

~ Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.

~ Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father's fault.

~ I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because I don't know what size she wear.

~ Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.

~ Sally won't be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral.

~ Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well.
 
Pardon me, lady," said the man trying to get back to his seat in the darkened movie theater, "but did I step on your toes a few minutes ago?"

"You certainly did!" said the woman in the aisle seat.

"Good, then I'm in the right row," the man said as he went back to his seat.
 
"If you'll make the toast and pour the juice, sweetheart," said Tracy the newlywed bride, "breakfast will be ready."

"Good, what are we having for breakfast," said Dewey, the new husband.

"Toast and juice," Tracy replied.
 
Two kids are talking to each other. One says, "I'm really worried. My dad works twelve hours a day to give me a nice home and good food. My mom spends the whole day cleaning and cooking for me. I'm worried sick!"

The other kid says, "What have you got to worry about? Sounds to me like you've got it made!"

The first kid says, "What if they try to escape?"
 
HOW TO SPELL "POTATO":

If GH is pronounced P as in hiccough...
If OUGH is pronounced O as in dough...
If PHTH is pronounced T as in Phthisis...
If EIGH is pronounced A as in Neighbor...
If TTE is pronounced T as in Gazette...
If EAU is pronounced O as in Plateau...

Then POTATO could be spelled GHOUGHPHTHEIGHTTEEAU.
 
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