jokes bad or otherwise.

[dick]

Why couldn't the athletes listen to music ??.................................They kept breaking their records !

 

[dick]

We need artificial intelligence.!......................The natural variety is fast disappearing!

 

[dick]

Stopping Big Ben's bongs for four years will soon take its toll !

 

[dick]

What did the tooth say to the dentist as he was leaving ?...............................Fill me in when you return !

 

[dick]

Seen in the paper............................
Money's so tight I have to buy Werther's Fakes ,I cant afford the originals !

I was reminiscing about when our dad used to roll us down the street inside large tires; They were Goodyears !

 

[onyx(John)]

My friend has a brake fluid habit. He says it's not a problem, he can stop any time..

 

[onyx(John)]

A man is turned away from an exclusive nightclub because he's not wearing a tie. He goes back to his car, finds a set of jump leads, ties them around his neck and tries his luck again at the club. "I cant find a tie" he says "will this do?" The doorman pauses for a moment and says" OK you can come in but don't start anything"

 

[captain clutterbuck]

Most men, when they marry, believe they have to pay for two rings but three rings are actually involved in marriage . Firstly its the Engagement Ring , secondly it the Wedding Ring and the third ?? ................................. Suffer Ring!

 

[captain clutterbuck]

Adam is walking alone around the Garden of Eden looking downcast so God asks him why he is so sad . Adam says" well lord I just lonely here on my own " . God pauses for a minute and then replies " what if I created another person who would gather and cook your food , wash and iron your clothes when you discover them , clean your abode and love you deeply bearing you many children " . Adam says " that would be absolutely wonderful but how much would such a wonderful person cost ? "

God retorts " well that's got to be an arm and a leg" . " Then what can I get for a Rib" Adam replies.

 

[dick]

How many knees do you have ? ..................................A left knee , a right knee and 2 kid-neys !

 

[dick]

How many ears did Davy Crockett have ? A right ear , a left ear and a wild front ear !

 

[dick]

I think my doctor taps my knee with a rubber hammer, just for kicks !

 

[dick]

What do you get if you throw a piano down a mine shaft ?........................A- FLAT MINER !

 

[dick]

Why do squirrels swim on their backs ?.............................To keep their nuts dry !

 

[Electrical Entwistle]

What is Dracula's favorite food?

Nectarines

 

[dick]

My wife and I were laughing about how competitive we are ! I laughed the most!!

 

[dick]

A man went to the library and asked where the self help section was. The assistant replied " I shan't tell you because that would defeat the object"!

Wonder if she trained at the same school as Miss Davenport ?

 

[dick]

You hear about the scientist who invented a Time Machine? ..........................He made it tomorrow and tested it last week !

 

[dick]

What begins with T ends with T and is full of T ??......................A Teapot !

 

[dick]

Doctor doctor, " Every time I drink tea I get a pain in my eye "?..............."Try taking the spoon out of the mug !"