jokes bad or otherwise.

My New Years resolution is to be less condescending.
That means talking down to someone, by the way
 
A man collapses in the street, but luckily there is a doctor close
by.
He runs over and starts rummaging through the victim's pockets.
Eventually, the doctor pulls out a baked bean from the man's trousers.
"It's okay." He says. "I've found a pulse."
 
Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are
5 people in my family, so it must be one of them.
It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger
brother Ho-Chan-Chu.
But I think it's Colin.
 
Halfway through a plane journey it is announced that the engines have
failed and that the plane is going down.While everyone is panicking
one woman strips naked and shouts 'I want a man to make me feel like
a woman for the very last time.'A man sees this and without hesitation
takes off his shirt and says 'Here, iron this.'
 
Christmas was rubbish when I was a kid because I believed in Santa Claus,
and unfortunately, so did my parents.
 
Murphy lay in hospital covered in bandages head to foot - with just
two little slits for his eyes.
'What happened to you?' asked Paddy.
'I staggered out of the pub and got hit by a lorry, it knocked me
straight through a plate glass window.'
'Oh my God', said Paddy. 'It's a good job you were wearing those bandages
or you'd have been cut to pieces!'
 
Is the world going mad - Pancake Day is not till March 8th and Tesco
have eggs and flour in already
 
I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'have you got anything
for wind?'
He gave me a kite.
 
I was walking past a field when I saw all the sheep just standing
there scraping the skin off their knees.
They were just grazing!
HAPPY NEW YEAR :)
 
An old couple had been dating for a long time. They decided it was
finally time to marry. Before the wedding, they went out to dinner
to talk about how their marriage might work.Finally,the man says "How
do you feel about sex?" "Well,"she said, I'd have to say - I would
like it infrequently." The man sat quietly then looked her in the
eye and asked "Is that one word or two?"
 
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