jokes bad or otherwise.

Fool people into thinking you've been to Madame Tussauds by having
your photo taken with various celebrities.
 
I find reality TV very educatiional Every time my wife watches it,
I go into the other room and read a book.
 
I've been getting falsetto singing lessons. It's great fun, but I'm
not very good yet.
I can't recommend it highly enough.
 
I went to try out being a matador when I was in Spain. It was supposed
to be £50 for the session with the bull, but they put two in the arena
with me.
Swines charged me double.
 
Women who insist childbirth in the most painful thing in the world
have obviously never stepped on a plug.
 
Spotted this one

One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift...
The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.
When she asked me why, I replied,
"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"
And that's how the fight started....
 
I told my wife I got something for the house. Quite excited, she asked
what it was. I replied "About half of what it used to be worth".
 
The insurance side of sex. . . . . Sex with your wife, Legal and General... Sex with your future wife, Mutual Trust... Sex with long-term partner, Standard Life... Sex with your secretary, Employers Liability... Sex with a prostitute, Commercial Union... Sex on the telephone, Direct Line... Casual Sex with different partners, Go Compare... Sex with a ladyboy, Confused.com... :o :o :o
 
A man is stopped by the police at 3.00am and asked where he's going.

"I'm on the way to listen to a lecture about the negative effects of
alcohol, Drugs and fattening food on the human body."

The policeman asks, "Oh Really? And who gives lectures at this hour?

"My wife"
 
I'd like to thank the first person who looked at a buzzing Bee-hive
and thought:
"Those little buggers are hiding something delicious in there I know
it."
 
My wife was just counting all the 1p and 2 pence pieces out of the
copper jar, when she started shouting and getting angry for no reason
at all.
I think she's going through the change.
 
So far this week I've had a Ploughmans Lunch, A Shepherds Pie, A Fishermans
Pie and a Police caution for stealing people's food.
 
When I was a teenager I spent way too much money on drinking cheap
cider.
Now I'm older. Budweiser.
 
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