jokes bad or otherwise.

A little girl was in the kitchen watching her mother prepare for the following day's Christmas dinner.

She asked, "Mommy, can I please have a cat for Christmas?"

Her mommy replied, "No, you'll have turkey like the rest of us."
 
As a little girl climbed onto Santa's lap, he asked her the usual question, "And what would you like for Christmas?"

The child stared at him open mouthed and horrified for a minute, then gasped: "Didn't you get my text?"
 
It had been snowing in Iowa for hours when an announcement came over the University's intercom: "Will the students who are parked on University Drive please move their cars so that we may begin ploughing."

Twenty minutes later there was another announcement: "Will the twelve hundred students who went to move 26 cars please return to class."
 
A mother is about to give birth at home and cannot make it to the hospital . As the Paramedics arrive to assist there is a power cut so as they are busy with the mother they ask her four year old daughter to hold a torch and point it at her mum which she does . In a matter of minutes the baby is born and one of the paramedics picks the baby up and smacks it on the bottom . The little girl then shouts "hit him again , he shouldn't have crawled up there " :08:
 
Looking in the mall for a cotton nightgown, I tried my luck in a store known for its hot lingerie. To my delight, however, I found just what I was looking for.

Waiting in the line to pay, I noticed a young woman behind me holding the same nightgown.

This confirmed what I suspected all along: despite being over 50, I still have a very "with it" attitude.

"I see we have the same taste," I said proudly to the 20 something behind me.

"Yes," she replied. "I'm getting this for my grandmother for Christmas."
 
Nurse: "How old are you?"
Patient: "None of your business."
Nurse: "But the doctor must know your age for his records. Please, just tell me, I'm going to find it out anyway."
Patient: "Well, first, multiply twenty by two, then add ten. Got that?"
Nurse: "Yes. Fifty."
Patient: "All right, now subtract fifty, and tell me, what do you get?"
Nurse: "Zero."
Patient: "Right. And that's exactly the chance of me telling you my age."
 
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