jokes bad or otherwise.

A surgeon was invited to Thanksgiving dinner at a friend's house.

The host deftly carved the turkey and said, "I'd make a pretty good surgeon, don't you think?"

The surgeon replied: "Anybody can take it apart. Let's see you put it back together again."
 
"Dad, I think the Smiths next door are angry at us."

"Why is that?"

"They're probably mad because our dog can retrieve the newspaper, and theirs can't."

"How could you possibly know that? We don't even subscribe to the paper."

"Yeah, that's probably got something to do with it, too."
 
I believe for every drop of rain that falls,
a flower grows
...




and a foundation leaks,





and a ball game gets rained out,


and a car rusts,



and...
 
A man , lets call him Howard, has just finished reading a book from the library titled " You Can Be The Man of Your House." . He stormed to his wife in the kitchen , lets call her Pearl, and announced, 'From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is Law. You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, you will serve me a sumptuous dessert.

After dinner, you are going to go upstairs with me and we are going to go to bed . Afterwards, you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax. You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe.

Then, you will massage my feet and hands. Then tomorrow, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?'

Pearl pauses for a minute and the replies " Given what you have said I would most definitely say the Undertaker"
 
Tania arrives at Bill's for their first dinner date . The table is all set but Tania is unhappy. "Bill please don't take this the wrong way but these plates don't look that clean" . Bill replies " Well they are as clean as Soap and Water could get them " . They settle down for the first course and after finishing Bill takes the plates away to get their main course . Just before putting it out he opens the back door with the plates in his hand , whistles and shouts " Soap , Water come on boys work to do"
 
A young country bobby pulls over a farmer for speeding. Being new to the job he starts to lecture the farmer about speeding and then starts to write him out a ticket . As he is doing it a lot of flies start buzzing around his head . "Having trouble with those circle flies officer ? " the farmer asks . " Circle flies what are they" the officer replies . " Well on the farm we get loads of them always circling around horses asses" . "Are you calling me a horses ass !!!" the bobby retorts . "Absolutely not officer I respect the law but it is pretty hard to fool them flies!" .
 
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