jokes bad or otherwise.
- Thread starter George
- Start date
C
Compo
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Maybe I would wear one if I could fit in it. LOL
S
sir coffalot
Guest
Scrumpa
Well-Known Member
I was out to the pub last night and had a few cold ones.
I noticed two large women seated at the bar, both had strong accents.
So I asked, "Hey, are you two ladies from Scotland?"
One of them chirped "It's WALES you friggin' idiot!"
So I immediately apologized and said....
"Sorry, are you two whales from Scotland?"
Then the lights went out.
I noticed two large women seated at the bar, both had strong accents.
So I asked, "Hey, are you two ladies from Scotland?"
One of them chirped "It's WALES you friggin' idiot!"
So I immediately apologized and said....
"Sorry, are you two whales from Scotland?"
Then the lights went out.
The first one that got caught.
C
Compo
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Yorkshire Folk: A Funny Story
Four old retired guys are walking down a street in London. They turn a corner and see a sign that says, "Old Timers Bar - ALL drinks 10p." They look at each other and then go in, thinking, this is too good to be true.
Graeme, the old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room, 'Come on in and let me pour one for you! What'll it be, gentlemen?'
There's a fully stocked bar, so each of the men orders a martini. In no time the bartender serves up four iced martinis-shaken, not stirred-and says, 'That'll be 10p each, please.'
The four guys stare at the bartender for a moment, then at each other. They can't believe their good luck. They pay the 40p, finish their martinis, and order another round.
Again, four excellent martinis are produced, with the bartender again saying, 'That's 40p, please.' They pay the 40p, but their curiosity gets the better of them. They've each had two martinis and haven't even spent a £1 yet. Finally one of them says, 'How can you afford to serve martinis as good as these for a 10p a piece?'
'I'm a retired tailor,' the bartender says, 'and I always wanted to own a bar. Last year I hit the Lottery Jackpot for £25 million and decided to open this place. Every drink costs 10p. wine, liquor, beer-it's all the same.'
'Wow! That's some story!' one of the men says.
As the four of them sip at their martinis, they can't help noticing seven other people at the end of the bar who don't have any drinks in front of them and haven't ordered anything the whole time they've been there.
Nodding at the seven at the end of the bar, one of the men asks the bartender, 'What's with them?'
The bartender says, 'They're retired people from Yorkshire. They're waiting for Happy Hour when drinks are half-price.'
Four old retired guys are walking down a street in London. They turn a corner and see a sign that says, "Old Timers Bar - ALL drinks 10p." They look at each other and then go in, thinking, this is too good to be true.
Graeme, the old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room, 'Come on in and let me pour one for you! What'll it be, gentlemen?'
There's a fully stocked bar, so each of the men orders a martini. In no time the bartender serves up four iced martinis-shaken, not stirred-and says, 'That'll be 10p each, please.'
The four guys stare at the bartender for a moment, then at each other. They can't believe their good luck. They pay the 40p, finish their martinis, and order another round.
Again, four excellent martinis are produced, with the bartender again saying, 'That's 40p, please.' They pay the 40p, but their curiosity gets the better of them. They've each had two martinis and haven't even spent a £1 yet. Finally one of them says, 'How can you afford to serve martinis as good as these for a 10p a piece?'
'I'm a retired tailor,' the bartender says, 'and I always wanted to own a bar. Last year I hit the Lottery Jackpot for £25 million and decided to open this place. Every drink costs 10p. wine, liquor, beer-it's all the same.'
'Wow! That's some story!' one of the men says.
As the four of them sip at their martinis, they can't help noticing seven other people at the end of the bar who don't have any drinks in front of them and haven't ordered anything the whole time they've been there.
Nodding at the seven at the end of the bar, one of the men asks the bartender, 'What's with them?'
The bartender says, 'They're retired people from Yorkshire. They're waiting for Happy Hour when drinks are half-price.'
C
Compo
Guest
Barbershop
An old man walks into the barbershop for a shave and a haircut, but he tells the barber he can't get all his whiskers off because his cheeks are wrinkled from age.
The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells him to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin.
When he's finished, the old man tells the barber that was the cleanest shave he's had in years, but he wanted to know what would have happened if he had swallowed the little ball.
The barber replied, "Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does."
An old man walks into the barbershop for a shave and a haircut, but he tells the barber he can't get all his whiskers off because his cheeks are wrinkled from age.
The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells him to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin.
When he's finished, the old man tells the barber that was the cleanest shave he's had in years, but he wanted to know what would have happened if he had swallowed the little ball.
The barber replied, "Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does."