jokes bad or otherwise.
- Thread starter George
- Start date
A risqué Lone Ranger joke:
The bad guys have captured the Lone Ranger, have him naked on the ground, and are about to shoot him. "Do you have any last wishes??", one of them asks.
"Bring my horse, Silver, over here.", the Long Ranger replies.
They grant his wish and over comes Silver. The Lone Ranger whispers for a moment into Silver's ear. Then Silver disappears over the horizon like lightning. He returns in just a few seconds with a big, beautiful woman in the saddle. She hops off Silver, strips naked and in short order she and the Long Ranger enjoy themselves to the utmost, much to the delight of the bad guys.
When they've finished, another bad guy says, "That looked like good fun. Do you have any other last wishes??"
"Yes ..bring my horse, Silver, over here one more time.", the Long Ranger replies.
Silver approaches, and the Long Ranger whispers into his ear, "You idiot! I said bring POSSE!"
The bad guys have captured the Lone Ranger, have him naked on the ground, and are about to shoot him. "Do you have any last wishes??", one of them asks.
"Bring my horse, Silver, over here.", the Long Ranger replies.
They grant his wish and over comes Silver. The Lone Ranger whispers for a moment into Silver's ear. Then Silver disappears over the horizon like lightning. He returns in just a few seconds with a big, beautiful woman in the saddle. She hops off Silver, strips naked and in short order she and the Long Ranger enjoy themselves to the utmost, much to the delight of the bad guys.
When they've finished, another bad guy says, "That looked like good fun. Do you have any other last wishes??"
"Yes ..bring my horse, Silver, over here one more time.", the Long Ranger replies.
Silver approaches, and the Long Ranger whispers into his ear, "You idiot! I said bring POSSE!"
barmpot
LOTSW Fanatic
A COOKING DIARY
Monday: It's fun to cook for Tom. Today I made angel food cake. The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately. The neighbors were nice enough to loan me some extra bowls.
Tuesday: Tom wanted fruit salad for supper. The recipe said serve without dressing. So I didn't dress. What a surprise when Tom brought a friend home for supper.
Wednesday: Today Tom asked for salad again so I tried a new recipe. It said prepare ingredients; lay on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving. Tom asked me why I was rolling around in the garden..
Thursday: I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said put the ingredients in a bowl and beat it. There must have been something wrong with this recipe. When I got back, everything was the same as when I left.
Friday: Tom did the shopping today and brought home a chicken. He asked me to dress it for Sunday. I don't have any clothes that fit it, and for some reason Tom keeps counting to ten.
Saturday: Tom's folks came to dinner. I wanted to serve roast but all I had was hamburger. Suddenly I had a flash of genius.. I put the hamburger in the oven and set the controls for roast. It still came out hamburger, much to my disappointment.
Sunday: This has been a very exciting week! I am eager for tomorrow to come so I can try out a new recipe on Tom. If I can talk Tom into buying a bigger oven, I would like to surprise him with a chocolate moose.
Monday: It's fun to cook for Tom. Today I made angel food cake. The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately. The neighbors were nice enough to loan me some extra bowls.
Tuesday: Tom wanted fruit salad for supper. The recipe said serve without dressing. So I didn't dress. What a surprise when Tom brought a friend home for supper.
Wednesday: Today Tom asked for salad again so I tried a new recipe. It said prepare ingredients; lay on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving. Tom asked me why I was rolling around in the garden..
Thursday: I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said put the ingredients in a bowl and beat it. There must have been something wrong with this recipe. When I got back, everything was the same as when I left.
Friday: Tom did the shopping today and brought home a chicken. He asked me to dress it for Sunday. I don't have any clothes that fit it, and for some reason Tom keeps counting to ten.
Saturday: Tom's folks came to dinner. I wanted to serve roast but all I had was hamburger. Suddenly I had a flash of genius.. I put the hamburger in the oven and set the controls for roast. It still came out hamburger, much to my disappointment.
Sunday: This has been a very exciting week! I am eager for tomorrow to come so I can try out a new recipe on Tom. If I can talk Tom into buying a bigger oven, I would like to surprise him with a chocolate moose.
barmpot
LOTSW Fanatic
Mr. Frobisher had just been hired as the new CEO of a large high tech corporation. The CEO who was stepping down met with him privately and presented him with three numbered envelopes. "Open these if you run up against a problem you don't think you can solve," he said.
Well, things went along pretty smoothly, but six months later, sales took a downturn and he was really catching a lot of heat. About at his wit's end, he remembered the envelopes. He went to his drawer and took out the first envelope. The message read, "Blame your predecessor."
The new CEO called a press conference and tactfully laid the blame at the feet of the previous CEO. Satisfied with his comments, the press -- and Wall Street -- responded positively, sales began to pick up and the problem was soon behind him.
About a year later, the company was again experiencing a slight dip in sales, combined with serious product problems. Having learned from his previous experience, the CEO quickly opened the second envelope. The message read, "Reorganize." This he did, and the company quickly rebounded.
After several consecutive profitable quarters, the company once again fell on difficult times. The CEO went to his office, closed the door and opened the third envelope. The message said, "Prepare three envelopes."
Well, things went along pretty smoothly, but six months later, sales took a downturn and he was really catching a lot of heat. About at his wit's end, he remembered the envelopes. He went to his drawer and took out the first envelope. The message read, "Blame your predecessor."
The new CEO called a press conference and tactfully laid the blame at the feet of the previous CEO. Satisfied with his comments, the press -- and Wall Street -- responded positively, sales began to pick up and the problem was soon behind him.
About a year later, the company was again experiencing a slight dip in sales, combined with serious product problems. Having learned from his previous experience, the CEO quickly opened the second envelope. The message read, "Reorganize." This he did, and the company quickly rebounded.
After several consecutive profitable quarters, the company once again fell on difficult times. The CEO went to his office, closed the door and opened the third envelope. The message said, "Prepare three envelopes."
Special Package for Businessmen.
An Airline introduced a special package for Business men.
Buy your ticket, get your wife's ticket free.
After great success, the company sent letters to all the wives asking how was the trip.
All of them gave the same reply..."What trip?"
An Airline introduced a special package for Business men.
Buy your ticket, get your wife's ticket free.
After great success, the company sent letters to all the wives asking how was the trip.
All of them gave the same reply..."What trip?"