Best one liners

Compo.........I'll be as smooth as that Julio Iglioarsis! 8)
Cleggy.........As smooth as that!!:32:
 
Glenda talking to the ladie's at a coffee morning she say ' s. . My Barry doe's it himself and he know 's when to stop.
 
Howard in diguise scare 's Marina making her fall off her bicycle she Say 's. Don't frighten me you dark stranger sending a girl's wheel's all of a wobble.
 
Nora's response in First of the Summer Wine when discussing having a full length wedding dress.
"Don't hold your breath. A full length boyfriend would be nice. All I keep getting is Wally Batty."
 
Wally to Norah.........."Why don't you go and sit down Norah, ? You've been on your mouth all day!! ???
 
Barry is sitting in a barn in the lotus position Billy see"s him and say"s Barry what"s tha doing sitting with tha leg"s in both direction"s
 
Marina run's past Clegg she stop 's smile's at him and carrie's on running with Howard Clegg say's She scare 's to death that woman. She make's me feel like a dressed chicken and she's somebody with a spare pound of stuffing.
 
Not from LOTSW but Roy Clarke's other show . I laughed out loud when David Jason delivered the line after falling , so I thought it deserved to be shared.

"These suede shoes must be from different herds because they keep going off in different directions"
 
Those wrinkled stockings are dangerous , they're like screw threads if Nora turns too quickly she is going to screw herself into the ground and I forget if I have to turn clockwise or anti-clockwise to get her out.
 
Were you kidnapped sir?? (to vicar) ???
Yes I was, by these two (pointing at Cooper and Walsh):39::42:
 
Howard ask's Clegg if he has a pair of short's he can borrow. Clegg say's. Me short's I wear underpant's with so much in reserve they would never fit into a pair of short's.
 
Captain Zero singing.............

I fly through the air and I land in the net,
I might break my neck but I haven't done yet! :wink:
 
Another Roy Clarke gem from "his other show" . "I'll take the Nurse three pairs of ear muffs , one for her ears and the other two for her there's and everywhere's"
 
Norah............I like a hat that says no trespassing!:20:

Glenda..........Frankly Mrs Batty , I think you've cracked it!!:me:
 
Compo Clegg and Seymour are outside Auntie Wainwright's for the first time Compo look's at the item's on display and say's. What a load of rubbish if they start nicking this lot I shall have to lock my place up.
 
Truly make's a remark about the state of Compo ' s life Compo replie's. You can't be a failure like me overnight it take ' s year's
 
Compo...........Why do they call it the Poop Deck Norm??
Cleggy.......... I expect its where they exercise the dogs ! :me:
 
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