jokes bad or otherwise.

There were three guys talking in the pub. Two of them are talking
about the amount of control they have over their wives, while the
third remains quiet.
After a while, one of the first two turns to the third and says, "Well,
what about you? What sort of control do you have over your wife?"
The third fellow says, "I'll tell you. Just the other night, my wife
came to me on her hands and knees."
The first two guys were amazed.
"What happened then?" they asked.
"She said, 'Get out from under the bed and fight like a man!'"
 
George said:
Our last fight was my fault:
My wife asked me "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust!"
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Lawyer: I have some good news and some bad news.

Client: Well, give me the bad news first.

Lawyer: The bad news is that the DNA tests showed that it was your blood they found all over the crime scene

Client: Oh no! I'm ruined! What's the good news?

Lawyer: The good news is your cholesterol is down.
 
3 men in a bar,discussing how stupid their wives were.

The 1st says, "My wife is so stupid she went
to the supermarket and spent £300 on meat , and we don't even have a fridge big enough to keep it in!"

The 2nd says"My wife spent £17,000 on a new car,and she can't drive!"

The 3rd man says "Last week my wife left on a
holiday to Greece and took 5 boxes of condoms,and she doesn't even have a penis".
 
A man is walking past a big wooden fence at the insane asylum and he
hears all the residents inside chanting, "Thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen!

Curious about this, he finds a hole in the fence, and looks in.
Someone inside pokes him in the eye. Then everyone inside the asylum
starts chanting, "Fourteen! Fourteen! Fourteen!
 
A lady calls the police to report her husband is missing. The police arrive and ask for a description. She tells them he's 6 foot 2 inches tall, blonde wavy hair and has a smile that makes everybody love him. The police then go to the next door neighbour to verify this report and the lady next door tells the police, "You can't believe her. He's 5 foot 4 inches tall, has no hair and he wears a perpetual frown on his face." The neighbour then goes and asks the lady why she gave the police such a false report. She replies, "Just because I reported him missing, doesn't mean I wanted him back!"
 
Heard this on a radio show the other day, they had to come up with new words and explain where they came from, the word was Winse

It turned out to be a setting on Jonathan Ross washing machine



Well it made me laugh
 
Barbecue - When a woman buys the groceries, washes the lettuce, chops
the tomatoes, dices the onions, marinates the meat and cleans everything
up, but, he, "made the dinner."
 
Why is sleeping with a man like a soap opera?
Just when it's getting interesting, they're finished until next time.
 
Two old drunks in a bar. The first one says, "When I was 30 and got an erection, I couldn't bend it with either hand. When I was 40, I could bend it about 10 degrees.
"When I was 50, I could bend it about 20 degrees.
I'm gonna be 60 next week, and I can almost bend it in half." "So," says the second drunk, "what's your point?"
"Well," says the first, "I'm just wondering how much stronger I'm gonna
get!"
 
How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One-He just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.
 
Why does it take 100 million sperms to fertilise one egg?
Because not one will stop and ask for directions.
 
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