jokes bad or otherwise.

Why do doctors slap babies' butts right after they're born?
To knock the penises off the smart ones.
 
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife is.
 
Doctor: Your husband needs rest and peace. Here are some sleeping pills.
Wife: When must I give them to him?
Doctor: They are for you.
 
So...after Adam was created, there he was in the Garden of Eden. Of course it wasn't good for him to be all by himself, so the Lord came down to visit. "Adam," He said, "I have a plan to make you much, much happier. I'm going to give you a companion, someone who will fulfill your every need and desire. Someone who will be faithful, loving, and obedient. Someone who will make you feel wonderful every day of your life."

Adam was stunned. "That's sounds incredible!"

"Well, it is," replied the Lord. "But it doesn't come for free. In fact, this is someone so special that it's going to cost you an arm and a leg."

"That's a pretty high price to pay," said Adam. "What can I get for a rib?"
 
A man walked by a table in a hotel and noticed three men and a dog
playing cards."This is a very smart dog.", the man commented."He's not that smart," said one of
the players. "every time he gets a good hand he wags his tail."
 
Remember fellas...If you buy her flowers, you're after something. If you don't, you're not thoughtful.
 
It’s easy to tell if a man is married or not. Just watch him drive a car with a woman sitting beside him. If both his hands are on the wheel, you can be sure he is married.
 
Why do female black widow spiders kill the males after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts.
 
A Sunday school teacher asked, "Johnny, do you think Noah did a lot of fishing when he was on the Ark?"

"No," replied Johnny. "How could he, with just two worms?"
 
A man inserted an advertisement in the classified: "Wife Wanted."
The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said : "You can have mine."
 
Three worms were placed into three separate jars.
The first worm was put into a jar of alcohol.
The second worm was put into a jar of cigarette smoke.
The third worm was put into a jar of soil.
After one day: The first worm-dead. Second worm-dead. Third worm-alive.
Lesson: As long as you drink, smoke, you won't get worms!
 
A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she stayed by his bedside every single day.
When he came to he said, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side... You know what?"
"What dear?" She asked gently.
"I think you're a bloody jinx."
 
George said:
A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she stayed by his bedside every single day.
When he came to he said, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side... You know what?"
"What dear?" She asked gently.
"I think you're a bloody jinx."
Click to expand...

 
"It is unbelievable what unbelievable things an unbeliever will believe in order to be an unbeliever."
 
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