jokes bad or otherwise.

There has been a traffic warning about surface water on the A50 from last nights heavy rain. Drivers are being told to approach with car
 
A man in the supermarket last night reminded me of Michael Jackson.

He said, "Don't forget about Michael Jackson."
 
A big hole has appered on the M20 motorway in Kent.The police are looking into it. ;D.I know a poor first attempt but i could not think of anything else ;D
 
.......but then again :)

A bloke knocked on my door and said, "I'm looking to buy a chimney."
I said, "Put your money away, this one's on the house."
 
A man was granted two wishes by God,
He asked for the best drink & the best woman ever......
Next moment he got mineral water & Mother Teresa.
----------------------------------------------------------------------

There are 3 kinds of men in this world.
Some remain single and make wonders happen.
Some have girlfriends and see wonders happen.
Rest get married and wonder what happened!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Wives are magicians.
They can change anything into an argument.
-------------------------------------------------------------------

Why do women live a Better, Longer & Peaceful Life, as compared to men?
A very INTELLIGENT student replied:"Because Women don't have a wife!"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper."
"What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I haven't been shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal!"
"I know all that," he said.
"Then why did you invite a friend for supper?"
"Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married"
-------------------------------------------------------------------------

COOL MESSAGE BY A WIFE
Dear Mother-in-law, Don't teach me how to handle my children.
I am living with one of yours and he needs a lot of improvement!?
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I WILL THINK ABOUT IT:
When a married man says, I'll think about it - what he really means is that
he doesn't know his wife's opinion yet.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


TALKING IN SLEEP:
A lady says to her doctor: "My husband has a habit of talking in his sleep! What should I give him to cure it?"
The doctor replies: "Give him an opportunity to speak when he's awake.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
Noticing a fat couple kissing, my mates girlfriend said to him, "Have you ever been out with a fat girl before?"
His reply "No, you're the first," probably wasn't the best response.
 
I phoned the doctor and said, "I blew my nose and now my vision is all blurred. What should I do?"
"Stop cleaning your glasses with your hanky," he replied.
 
I've been going through some real money troubles. Realising this, my Gran gave me her pearl earrings.
"They've been passed down through the generations," she said, "but needs must."
Great. Now not only am I broke but I look super gay as well.
 
Subject: IMPOSSIBILITIES IN THE WORLD

1. U can't count your hair;
2. U can't wash your eyes with soap;
3. U can't breathe when your tongue is out.

Put your tongue back in fool !!!!!!!!!!



10 Things I know about you...

1) U are reading this;

2) U are human;

3) U can't say the letter ''P'' without separating your lips;

4) U just attempted to do it;

6) U are laughing at yourself;

7) U have a smile on your face and you skipped No.5;

8) U just checked to see if there is a No.5;

9) U laugh at this because you are an idiot & everyone does it too;

10) U are probably going to send this to see who else falls for it.

You have received this e-mail because I didn't want to be alone in the
Idiot category.

~~~~ As always have a great day!!!~~~~
 
My boss said, "Why is everyone in your office crying?"
I said, "You told me to bang some heads together."
He said, "Talk about taking things too literally!"
So I went away and prepared a two hour lecture on taking things too literally.
 
George said:
My boss said, "Why is everyone in your office crying?"
I said, "You told me to bang some heads together."
He said, "Talk about taking things too literally!"
So I went away and prepared a two hour lecture on taking things too literally.
Click to expand...

Nice to see the funnies back George
 
Safety matches are so clever.
It's such a comfort knowing that children won't be able to light them unless they somehow manage to find the box that they're stored in.
 
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