jokes bad or otherwise.

A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office.

"Is it true," she wanted to know, "that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?"

"Yes, I'm afraid so," the doctor told her.

There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied, "I'm wondering, then, just how serious is my condition because this prescription is marked 'NO REFILLS'!"
 
ANNOUNCING NEW BOOK RELEASES:


~ "How to Write Big Books" by Warren Peace

~ "The Lion Attacked" by Claude Yarmoff

~ "The Art of Archery" by Beau N. Arrow

~ "Songs for Children" by Barbara Blacksheep

~ "Irish Heart Surgery" by Angie O'Plasty

~ "Desert Crossing" by I. Rhoda Camel

~ "School Truancy" by Marcus Absent

~ "I Was a Cloakroom Attendant" by Mahatma Coate

~ "I Lost My Balance" by Eileen Dover and Phil Down

~ "Mystery in the Barnyard" by Hu Flung Dung

~ "Positive Reinforcement" by Wade Ago

~ "Shhh!" by Danielle Soloud

~ "The Philippine Post Office" by Imelda Letter

~ "Stop Arguing" by Xavier Breath
 
MORE NEW BOOKS

~ "Come on In! by Doris Open

~ "The German Bank Robbery" by Hans Zupp

~ "I Hate the Sun" by Gladys Knight

~ "Prison Security" by Barb Dweyer

~ "Irish First Aid" by R.U. O'Kaye

~ "My Career As a Clown" by Abe Ozo

~ "Here's Pus in Your Eye" by Lance Boyle

~ "I Didn't Do It!" by Ivan Alibi

~ "The Bruce Lee Story" by Marsha Larts

~ "Take This Job and Shove It" by Ike Witt

~ "Split Personalities" by Jacqueline Hyde

~ "How I Won the Marathon" by Randy Hoelway

~ "Songs from "South Pacific"" by Sam and Janet Evening
 
An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation. As he was about to get the anaesthesia, he asked to speak to his son.

"Yes, Dad, what is it?"

"Don't be nervous, son; do your best, and just remember, if it doesn't go well - if something happens to me - your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife."
 
LAWS

Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.

Law of Gravity: Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible place in the universe.

Law of Probability: The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

Law of Random Numbers: If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal; someone always answers.

Variation Law: If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now.

Law of the Bath: When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

Law of Close Encounters: The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.
 
LAWS AGAIN

Law of Biomechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

The Coffee Law: As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

Murphy's Law of Lockers: If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

Law of Physical Surfaces: The chances of an open-faced jam sandwich landing face down on a floor are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.

Law of Logical Argument: Anything is possible IF you don't know what you are talking about.

Law of Physical Appearance: If the clothes fit, they're ugly.

Law of Public Speaking: A closed mouth gathers no feet.

Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy: As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it - OR the store will stop selling it.

Doctor's Law: If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor - by the time you get there you'll feel better. But don't make an appointment and you'll stay sick.
 
Kathy's 5-year-old developed a strong interest in spelling once she learned to spell STOP. After that, she tried to figure out her own words. From the back seat of the car she'd ask, "Mom, what does FGRPL spell?"

"Nothing," Kathy said.

Sitting at breakfast she'd suddenly ask, "Mom, what does DOEB spell?"

"Nothing," Kathy answered.

This went on for several weeks. Then one afternoon as they sat coloring in her room she asked, "Mom, what does LMDZ spell?"

Kathy smiled at her and said, "Nothing, sweetheart."

The 5-year-old carefully set down her crayon, sighed and said, "Boy, there sure are a lot of ways to spell Nothing!"
 
A tailor's shop was next door to a very upscale French restaurant. Every day at lunch time, the tailor sat out behind his shop and ate his black bread and herring while smelling the wonderful odors coming from the restaurant's kitchen.

One day the tailor was surprised to receive an invoice from the restaurant for "enjoyment of food." So he went to the restaurant to point out that he had not bought anything from them.

The manager said, "Every day you sit outside our kitchen and smell our food while eating. We are providing added value to your lunch, and we deserve to be paid for it."

The tailor stuck his hand in his pocket and rattled the few coins he had inside.

The manager asked him, "What is the meaning of that?"

The tailor replied, "I'm paying for the smell of your food with the sound of my money."
 
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