jokes bad or otherwise.

Two guys, one old timer and one young, are pushing their
carts around Lowe's Building Supply when they collide.

The old timer says to the young guy, 'Sorry about that.
I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I
was going'.

The young guy says, 'That's OK. It's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife,
too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate.'

The old guy says, 'Well, maybe we can help each other.
What does your wife look like?'

The young guy says, 'She's 24, tall, with blonde hair, big blue eyes, long
legs, big boobs, and she's wearing tight white shorts,
a halter top and no bra..What does your wife look like?'

The old timer says. .. 'Doesn't matter ---let's look for yours.'
 
A doctor is going about his business, with a rectal thermometer tucked behind his ear.
He goes into a staff meeting to discuss the days activities, when a co-worker asks why he has a thermometer behind his ear?
He grabs for the thermometer, looks at it and says, - "Damn, some asshole has my pen!"
 
A PLANE IS ON ITS WAY TO TORONTO, WHEN A BLONDE IN ECONOMY CLASS GETS UP, AND MOVES TO THE FIRST CLASS SECTION AND SITS DOWN.

THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT WATCHES HER DO THIS, AND ASKS TO SEE HER TICKET.

SHE THEN TELLS THE BLONDE THAT SHE PAID FOR ECONOMY CLASS, AND THAT SHE WILL HAVE TO SIT IN THE BACK.

THE BLONDE REPLIES, "I'M BLONDE, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'M GOING TO TORONTO AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE."

THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT GOES INTO THE COCKPIT AND TELLS THE PILOT AND THE CO-PILOT THAT THERE IS A BLONDE BIMBO SITTING IN FIRST CLASS, THAT BELONGS IN ECONOMY, AND WON'T MOVE BACK TO HER SEAT.

THE CO-PILOT GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND TRIES TO EXPLAIN THAT BECAUSE SHE ONLY PAID FOR ECONOMY SHE WILL HAVE TO LEAVE AND RETURN TO HER SEAT.

THE BLONDE REPLIES, "I'M BLONDE, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'M GOING TO TORONTO AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE."

THE CO-PILOT TELLS THE PILOT THAT HE PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE THE POLICE WAITING WHEN THEY LAND TO ARREST THIS BLONDE WOMAN, WHO WON'T LISTEN TO REASON.


THE PILOT SAYS, "YOU SAY SHE IS A
BLONDE?
I'LL HANDLE THIS, I'M MARRIED TO A BLONDE. I SPEAK BLONDE."

HE GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND WHISPERS IN HER EAR, AND SHE
SAYS, "OH, I'M SORRY." AND GETS UP AND GOES BACK TO HER SEAT IN ECONOMY.

THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT AND CO-PILOT ARE AMAZED AND ASK HIM WHAT HE SAID TO MAKE HER MOVE WITHOUT ANY FUSS.






"I TOLD HER, "FIRST CLASS ISN'T GOING TO TORONTO "
 
Q. How many perverts does it take to put in a light bulb?
A. Just one, but it takes the entire emergency room to get it out!
 
At no time can the Man make such comments as "Insignificant" and "Is that all?" when the Women is complaining.
 
A friend of mine died recently, He drowned after falling of a boat.

We got him a wreath in the shape of a lifebelt.... Well, its what he would have wanted........
 
A middle aged man goes into a Chemist and asks quietly, "Do you sell
Viagra here?"
The pharmacist says, "Yes, sir. We certainly do."
The man then asks, "Do you think I could get it over the counter?"
The pharmacist thinks for a moment and then says, "Perhaps, if you
took five or six pills at once you might."
 
There is a new study out about women. I thought these results were pretty interesting.

85% of women think their ass has grown too big since getting married..

10% of women think their ass is just as big as it was when they got married..

The other 5% say that they don't care, they love him and would have married him anyway.
 
Two men were discussing their marriages. Although happily married,
they admitted that there were arguments. The 1sts aid, “I’ve made
one great discovery. I know how to always have the last word.”
“Wow!’ said the 2nd man, “how did you manage that?”
“It’s easy,” replied the 1st man. “I just say‘Yes, Dear.’
 
Three dreams of a man:
To be as handsome as his mother thinks.
To be as rich as his child believes.
To have as many women as his wife suspects...
 
During a robbery, one of the robbers mask slid down.
He looked at a man and asked. Did you see my face?
The man said yes! The robber shot him.
Then he asked a woman. Did you see my face?
She said no, but my husband over there did.
 
George said:
During a robbery, one of the robbers mask slid down.
He looked at a man and asked. Did you see my face?
The man said yes! The robber shot him.
Then he asked a woman. Did you see my face?
She said no, but my husband over there did.
Click to expand...

25r30wi.gif
 
What are the three best things about Amnesia?
1. You can hide your own easter eggs
2. You meet a new person every day
and
3. You can hide your own easter eggs
 
4 ladies are talking. The 1st 1 says, "My son
is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him Father."
The 2nd woman says, "My son is a Bishop. Whenever he walks into
a room, people say, Your Grace."
The 3rd woman says smugly, "My son is a Cardinal. Whenever he walks
into a room, people say, Your Eminence."
The 4th woman says, "My son is a male stripper. When
he walks into a room, people say, 'Oh my God !"
 
When her grandad died, Sue went to visit her grandma.She asked how
her grandad had died, her grandma said,"He had a heart attack during
sex, on Sunday morning!" Sue said that at the age of 94 that was asking
for trouble! "Oh no," her grandma replied. "We had sex every Sunday
morning in time with the church bells!" "In with the dings, out with
the dongs...If it wasn't for that damn Ice Cream Van, he'd still be
alive"
 
Husband: 'When I die, will you marry again?'
Wife: 'Yes I hate being alone.'
Husband: 'Will you let him drive my car?'
Wife: 'I think so.'
Husband: 'Will you let him sit in my chair?'
Wife:'Yes'
Husband: 'Will you let him wear my suits?'
Wife: 'No, he is shorter than you.
 
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