jokes bad or otherwise.

A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park.

As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway!

The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He put the beast out of the car and quickly headed home.

Driving back up his driveway, there was the cat again!

He kept taking the cat further and further away but the cat would always beat him home. At last he decided to drive quite a few miles away--so he turned right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and left the cat there.

Hours later the man calls home to his wife: "Hon, is the cat there?"

"Yes," the wife answers, "why do you ask?"

Frustrated, the man answered, "Can you please put him on the phone? I'm lost and need directions."
 
"May I take your order?" the waiter asked.

"Yes, how do you prepare your chickens?"

"Nothing special, sir," he replied. "We just tell them straight out that they're going to die."
 
Some more books

"Come on In!" by Doris Open

"The German Bank Robbery" by Hans Zupp

"I Hate the Sun" by Gladys Knight
 
More from the library - were any of these banned by Mr Wainwright?

"Rapunzel Rapunzel" by Harris Long

"Split Personalities" by Jacqueline Hyde

"How I Won the Marathon" by Randy Holeway
 
Books

"Towels For Every Occasion" by Terry Kloth

"Keep 'em Laughing" by Benton Halph

"My Life as a Sexton" by Doug Graves
 
And some more:

"The Art of Archery" by Beau Narrow


"Desert Crossing" by Rhoda Camel

"School Truancy" by Marcus Absent
 
jokes bad or otherwise

[from HIGNFY] they have found a direct link between Sepp Blatter and Julie Andrews it appears that brown paper packages tied up with string are indeed one of their favourite things.
 
A little girl asked her mother if all fairy tales began with "Once upon a time."

"No," replied the mother. "Today most of them being with 'If I am elected to office.'"
 
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jokes bad or otherwise

A man from the Gas Board runs into the Pet Shop and shouts " Quick you have 5 minutes to get out there has been a huge gas leak and this place is about to go up" . In the panic the Parrot pipes up " Ok everybody out , Terry the Tortoise its been nice knowing you !"
 
ten things I know about you

1 You are reading this
2 You are human
3 You can't say the letter 'P' without separating your lips
4 You just attempted to do it
6 You are laughing at yourself
7 You have a smile on your face and you skipped No. 5
8 You just checked to see if there is a No. 5
9 You laugh at this because you are a fun loving person and everyone does it too
10 You are probably going to share this just to see who else falls for it.
 
Johnny: "Do you think people can predict the future with cards?"

Jimmy: "My mother sure can. She takes one look at my report card and tells me exactly what will happen when Dad gets home."
 
A young man asked an old rich man how he made his fortune.

The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, "Well, son, it was 1932, the depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel. I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent a few minutes polishing the apple and sold the apple for ten cents. The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent a few minutes polishing them and sold them for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month and by the end of which I'd accumulated a fortune of $6.40. Then my wife's father died and left us two million dollars."
 
A couple is planning their 40th anniversary party.

She: "I think I'll wear silver shoes."

He: "To match your hair!"

She: "Yes, dear -- so I suppose you'll be barefoot..."
 
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