jokes bad or otherwise.

A dog went to a Western Union office, took out a blank form and wrote:



"Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof."



The clerk examined the paper and politely told the dog, "There are only nine
words here. You could send another 'Woof' for the same price."



The dog replied, "But that would make no sense at all!"
 
A man shouts to his wife, "Get your coat love I'm off to the club!"
She shouted back "That's nice you haven't taken me out for ages!"
"You're not going!" he said " I'm turning the heating off, when I go!" :29: :me:
 
jokes bad or otherwise

An elderly couple are sitting in the church when the woman turns to the man and says " I have just broken wind quietly what should I do " to which the man replies " Firstly you need to change the batteries in your hearing aids"
 
A man wanted to get his own back on his house proud, nagging wife.
He asked that after he died, his ashes would be scattered on the living room carpet! :me: :46:
 
What is Celibacy?
Celibacy can be a choice in life, or a condition imposed by circumstances.
While attending a marriage week end, my wife and I listened to the instructor declare,
It is essential that husband and wives know the things that are important to each other..
He then addressed the men, Can you name and describe your wife`s favourite flower?,
I leaned over and touched my wife`s hand gently and whispered,
"self raising isn`t it?" And thus began my life of Celibacy....
 
dick said:
A man wanted to get his own back on his house proud, nagging wife.
He asked that after he died, his ashes would be scattered on the living room carpet! :me: :46:
Click to expand...

Hey, why didn't Sam think of that to get back at Sybil.
 
An old feller went to the doctor. "Doctor, theres summat up wi' me ,I'm poorly, under the weather like!"
"Flu?" said the doctor. Old feller replied "No! I came ere on my bike like I allus do!" :me:
 
jokes bad or otherwise

A Priest and a Nun are riding through the desert on a Camel when it keels over and dies . " We are miles from anywhere and we have no water , Sister I am so sorry but we are going to die" the Priest utters. The Nun responds " Well Father if we are going to die can I ask you one last wish , I have never seen a man's naked body and I don't want to go to my grave without doing that" . The Priest agrees and disrobes. As the Nun stares at his body he utters " That down there is known to many as the giver of life" , to which the Nun replies " Well Father hurry up and stick it up that Camel's backside and lets get out of here" :30:
 
A policeman stopped a drunk in the street at 2 am. "Can you explain why you're wandering around in the early hours sir?"
The drunk looked at him sadly and said "If I could explain myself, I'd have been at home with the wife hours ago!!":13:
 
A man was driving down the road when he saw a farmer with a pitchfork stood like a statue on top of some straw bales. " Why are you doing that ??" he asked.
The farmer said he was hoping to win a Nobel prize. He'd heard they were given to people who were outstanding in their field! ??? :tw:
 
jokes bad or otherwise

An Englishman, Scotsman and Irishman are being chased by Police after trying to rob a store . To escape capture the Englishman jumps in field of Cows and shouts " Moo, Moo" . The Scotsman then jumps into a field of Sheep and shouts " Baa Baa" . The Irishman jumps in a field of potatoes and starts singing " One potato, two potato..........." and gets his collar felt.
 
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